The Universe Vexes Me

 

    I wrote "two endorsements, no jobs" last week.

    Then today I got an automated reply from my district regarding my application to switch from theatre to language arts. It said "NO THANK YOU". Won't even interview me.

    Lost the Humanities opportunity in the "your prints were pulled in an audit" debacle. Got ghosted by Alameda after the interview.

    All I want to do is CHANGE. Anything, buildings, content areas, anything.

    Ghosted after the first interview with a mountain theatre company that I applied to as Executive Director.

     Ghosted after being told I was called back for a performance opportunity. Which was a lot of fun "We want to call you back, we'll send you call back info". That was...April? Nada.

     And so, here we are. The end of my directing streak and staring the same commute to the same struggle bus for another year dead in its black, depressed, shell shocked face.

     Whatcha up to, universe?

    There are no more job openings in education. There are no more directing gigs opening. 

    It is difficult to grasp that I am supposed to continue to fail at saving a department that cannot be saved, in a building that does not want it to be saved. WTF?

    Yep I'm whining. I get it: I have a job. The choir teacher and her boyfriend both got new gigs in new buildings, bought a house and are spending the summer traveling and living their best lives. I will be the first person to tell my actors to stay in their own lane and stop comparing themselves to others, that way is not healthy. 

     Everything back in April felt like there was a change coming. I wanted to believe there was something better to look forward to in August. Now I'm just depressed again. Also I'm fat, and that is completely under my control and starting Monday Immma fix it. Turns out you can work out for free at 24 Hour fitness if you're a high school teacher. Which I cannot prove, as the district makes us return our badges and keys for the summer but...where there's a will, there's a way. Never Give Up, Never Surrender.

    That's such bullshit. I've been peddling that for years. I give up. I honestly give up. 

    OH ALSO, Roe V Wade just went away. Maybe THAT'S WHAT'S ACTUALLY DEPRESSING ME RIGHT NOW.

                         Scene.