The Walmart Monopoly game choices were all foreign to me. "Wall Street", "Ms. Monopoly" and "World of Warcraft Monopoly". After some contemplation, I went with "Ms", figuring Monopoly is Monopoly, right? I haven't played since I was a kid, but it can't be that difficult to remember.
We ordered out from Jose O'Shea's, and then opened the game. We immediately assigned Jim the title of banker, since he's an accountant and your job in a game should match your job in life. Harper was the boss of all the "properties", which in this game are female inventions instead of real estate. Weird. I was the boss of drinking margaritas. Again: your job in the game should match your job in life.
I opened the rules, assuming I would have to just brush up. But it turns out I never really understood Monopoly. Harp immediately asked how you win, and I had no answer. Jim said "When everyone else is bankrupt," and Harp said "That'll take forever," and Jim and I just laughed. Our generation played this damned game forever, and we're not sure anyone actually knows how it ends.
I scoured the rules and discovered the bankrupt thing wasn't far off. You win when all the inventions are purchased, then you collect your rent from the bank and whoever has the most cash wins.
The "Ms" also means that women get $240 to pass go, men get $200. Also, women start off with more cash than men.
There was a white top hat, wrapped separately from the game pieces, with no explanation. Harper would not let me have it, declaring that it was special. It is not listed in the game guide or online. We don't know what it's for.
I was always the iron. It's flat and moves the best. Needless to say, in "Ms" there is no iron. There is a pen and paper, a wine goblet, watch, airplane and a hand weight---none of which are mentioned as female inventions in the game, but are clearly better than the original pieces which included a dog, an iron, a race car, a wheelbarrow, a thimble and a TOP HAT. Just saying.
Starting us off with more money and giving us more money to pass go meant nothing, as the one male in our trio still ended up owning most of the inventions, AND he got the "Get Out Of Jail Free" card. So it did us no good at all to start ahead. Because it's a board game, and it's up to chance, you can't load the odds for or against anyone. You still have to pay rent on the invention when you land, and there is no control over how many times you land. It's a silly premise.
Every time Harp landed on an invention she would declare "YES, I WANT IT." The rules state that you must buy it when you land, but I let her think she was winning something by spending her money. She was drunk, anyway, and we were having fun.
I also cannot read dice after three margaritas, and began to declare loudly that a five and a four equaled eight. Instead I would count spaces for each die, one at a time, as adding them became too amusing for my family.
Thirty minutes and several margaritas into the game, Harper declared "This game is too long." This again prompted looks from Jim and I. Yes. Yes it is.
To appease Harp who was quickly losing interest, we decided the game would be won by whoever had a property in each color scheme. It was looking like Jim for a long time, but then Harp rolled a four and got the last pink invention, "winning" the game.
Which was fine. We had fun.
It's still Monopoly, drunk or sober, "Ms" or not. Monopoly is monopoly, guys. Whoever has the most money wins. But playing drunk makes it infinitely more fun, that is a true statement.
Monday, March 23, 2020
12 March to 22 March 2020 WEEK ONE (ish)
12 March 2020.
We are at school, contemplating the virus and what we are hearing. During fifth period, my Theaco, the announcement comes that all after school activities are cancelled until 6 April. Being who I am, the information indicated that not only was our musical canceled, but the district was going to allow the rental to continue. I spent the last hours in my building with the music teacher trying to get info out of the Athletic Director, who was waiting to hear from the rental, not the district. This annoys me. The rental called and cancelled an hour later. Well, good, 'cause I was getting pretty mohawk-y.
Announcement after school: district says pack your stuff, unclear what will happen after spring break. Teachers, pack up everything you may need, we dunno how long this will be. Students, clean out your lockers, take your chrome books.
District sends email at 4 pm announcing extended spring break.
Shit Just Got Real.
13 Friday:Work day. Sleep late, go in because I need to do online training for the district and I don't know how to enable popups on my laptop.I need a person. Rehearse song with building "teacher choir". Our choir teacher is too cute for color TV, trying to get everyone to Do A Thing. I'm on board 'cause she's my colleague, and why not.
I leave school, go buy some groceries. No toilet paper. Have weird panic attack in the grocery store. Toilet paper is wiped out, what is going on? Why is that a thing? There's plenty of Tylenol Cold and Flu. I get a few things 'cause I can't really focus and I'm starting to feel dizzy. I begin to say things using my ouside voice that are hilarious to me, like reciting the portion of Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy when he doesn't grasp the fact that the earth is gone until he thinks "There are no more McDonalds" and passes out cold. I chortle and quote and realize I'm being stared out. I consider feigning loss of consciousness to make the story better when I tell it later, but instead I just laugh and continue to stand in the frozen food aisle, chanting "There is no more toilet paper" and not comprehending what I am looking at or knowing what I am looking for.
I text my Jeffco colleague Eric to see what they're doing,he's going to remote teaching starting Monday. We ponder how this "online learning" will go for me. We conclude it will not go well, and laugh and cancel our plans next week.
Laundry.
Vacuum. Mop floors.
Go to the liquor store, get a six pack.
14 Saturday. I hear restaurants may close. Mayor Hancock has intimated as much. If Denver closes, Lakewood will follow.
Mayor Hancock seems to mumble things in front of a microphone that are what he wishes would happen. Polis is governor, he's the boss of the state. Hancock, you're the boss of Denver, you do you. Stop mumbling.
Go to the liquor store, get a six pack. Not sure why I won't just buy a twelve pack, but I won't do it.
Vacuum. Mop floors.
Make blueberry muffins.
The neighborhood St. Patrick's party is cancelled as the hosts have ten pounds of corned beef and "limited" toilet paper. Hoooorah.
Try to take G out for a drink for her birthday cause she works tomorrow, but she is crestfallen. She and her boyfriend have been working toward getting a place ever since returning from Durango. They found a house with a yard, a roommate, and all three are solidly employed. But yesterday the roommate returned from Iceland and was put in isolation due to a cough. Unclear if he has CoVid, but his dad is at risk, so he cannot work this week. There goes moving out. She's devastated and there's nothing anyone can do.
15 Sun: Last night at Westrail. Six feet apart from each of the ten of us who are there. Bartender says she thinks they're closing. She says she's fine, she bought 3 bags of dog food and she and her boyfriend know they'll likely blow through their savings, but she believes they will be fine for a few weeks. A few weeks. Everyone is saying a few weeks.
Our friend Alyson arrives, after harassing me on Facebook for being at the pub and threatening to call the governor on me. She is toting her Lysol wipes and thoroughly cleansing the bar stool and her bar area before ordering a drink. I do not mock her, her dad is one of the last surviving Tuskegee airmen and she sees him daily. She's being responsible.
16 Polis closes all restaurants and bars except for take out and delivery.
Grocery run. No toilet paper at Safeway or King Soopers. I thought all the stuff on social media was panicked hyperbole. My friend in Highlands Ranch tells me Target has some if you get there first thing in the morning, but if I need any she has some she will bring me.
Harp and I decide to do the family thing we've done since she was little, "Let's drive to Evergreen for no reason." The three of us made this journey for years when money was tight. We'd listen to John Denver, and upon arrival stop to visit Ted and Tina, two marmots near the stream, get an ice cream, or later a coffee. She's now 22, so we stop at the Conifer bar called The Well At Bradford Junction. There is a cute general store next door, but it's closed. The bar owner and two regulars are present. We have a couple of beers and chat with the owner, Leslie, asking if she's going to be able to stay open. "As long as they let me, this is all I have. My husband passed this year." We tip her well and promise to return if she's able to stay open.
Online district SEL training modules 1-2. Whoot.
I make Guinness stew for dinner, after visiting the liquor store for Guinness...and a six pack of Beck's.
17 Monday, maybe Tuesday. St. Patrick's day. Look at photos from trip to Dublin last year when we got to see the parade. SIGH.
8 am, as I ventured out on my daily quest for toilet paper, I entered Target to discover three, twelve pack rolls. But between myself and the treasure were two women, one with a cart, chatting at the aisle entrance.
Polis closes schools until 17 April.
Sheesh.
Laundry. Vacuum. Mop floors.
Make banana nut muffins.
I make potato soup for dinner.
18 Days no longer matter.
We contemplate the take out options. I am not a cook by any stretch, but I'm trying.
Go to the liquor store.
Days of the week become meaningless. I'm on regular spring break, Harp is still in school at Metro, via remote.
Somewhere in here Genoa's spa closed. She's now unemployed.
Launder all bedding. Vacuum. Mop floors.
19 Today's quest is eggs. At least the egg shortage makes more sense than toilet paper. But still...up two mornings on my quest. Each depleted item comes with rumors: "I got eggs at Walgreens....I heard Safeway got a shipment....I hear there are no zombies at Pacific Playland". It’s funny and sad and I feel like an addict, listening to the word on the street to learn where to search next for my fix.
Michelle, who has cut our family's hair for more than ten years, calls to close her salon for the time being. She is devastated, but can't in good conscience remain open and possibly spread the virus.
Launder all blankets, couch and chair covers. Vacuum. Mop floors.
Finish online SEL learning modules. Whoot.
Liquor store.
Grocery store. At this point we go to see what there is,not get what we need.
On Facebook unknown author: Two households both alike in quarantine,
In fair Corona, where we lay our scene.
20 My day in bullet points:
20 dates have no meaning
Jim off, 'snow day".
Polis closes all hair salons.
Supplies, liquor store. Supply runs are no longer what we need, but "what do they have?"I said that already. Realize I'm repeating myself a lot. More of a concern is that it took me 30 minutes to complete a 49 piece Lion King puzzle. I was sober.
Launder things I find around the house. Will dog fit in washing machine? Vacuum. Mop floors.Make cranberry muffins.No more order to bullet points, need structure though, but what's the point?
Stephanie texts: From ancient germ break new immunity,
Where civil coughs make civil hands unclean.
This Day
Polis says restaurants can deliver alcohol. We kinda knew that,Jose O'Sheas was running a take out quarantine special with margaritas and one roll of toilet paper
We hear we may be on lockdown Monday. Get to Jose Osheas, order take out. Doing our part to help local businesses.
We decide to play the Ms. Monopoly procured at Walmart. "Ms". apparently means that all women start with more money than the men, and instead of properties the stops are inventions by women. We ate our Mexican food and slurped margaritas and learned that women invented a lot of stuff. Harp declares "This game is too long," thirty minutes in. Jim and I laugh and roll our eyes, as 70's and 80's kids played this thing for hours with no complaints and no alcohol.
kryssi texts: From forth the fatal bug-brought pandemos,
The segregation feels like it's for life.
Today
Polis says liquor stores can deliver.
Doubtful we're going on lockdown if he's making these decrees.
Facetime my sister until the wifi glitches, then just talk. She's out of a job starting Monday.
Harp keeps us updated with conspiracy theories.
And The Band Played On...
.....
Can we talk about how well I'm sleeping? Deeply, great, powerful, vivid dreams that are so realistic I wake up convinced they happened. I feel physically well, even though I haven't made a schedule and I still haven't started yoga again. Man, I feel invigorated.
We are at school, contemplating the virus and what we are hearing. During fifth period, my Theaco, the announcement comes that all after school activities are cancelled until 6 April. Being who I am, the information indicated that not only was our musical canceled, but the district was going to allow the rental to continue. I spent the last hours in my building with the music teacher trying to get info out of the Athletic Director, who was waiting to hear from the rental, not the district. This annoys me. The rental called and cancelled an hour later. Well, good, 'cause I was getting pretty mohawk-y.
Announcement after school: district says pack your stuff, unclear what will happen after spring break. Teachers, pack up everything you may need, we dunno how long this will be. Students, clean out your lockers, take your chrome books.
District sends email at 4 pm announcing extended spring break.
Shit Just Got Real.
13 Friday:Work day. Sleep late, go in because I need to do online training for the district and I don't know how to enable popups on my laptop.I need a person. Rehearse song with building "teacher choir". Our choir teacher is too cute for color TV, trying to get everyone to Do A Thing. I'm on board 'cause she's my colleague, and why not.
I leave school, go buy some groceries. No toilet paper. Have weird panic attack in the grocery store. Toilet paper is wiped out, what is going on? Why is that a thing? There's plenty of Tylenol Cold and Flu. I get a few things 'cause I can't really focus and I'm starting to feel dizzy. I begin to say things using my ouside voice that are hilarious to me, like reciting the portion of Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy when he doesn't grasp the fact that the earth is gone until he thinks "There are no more McDonalds" and passes out cold. I chortle and quote and realize I'm being stared out. I consider feigning loss of consciousness to make the story better when I tell it later, but instead I just laugh and continue to stand in the frozen food aisle, chanting "There is no more toilet paper" and not comprehending what I am looking at or knowing what I am looking for.
I text my Jeffco colleague Eric to see what they're doing,he's going to remote teaching starting Monday. We ponder how this "online learning" will go for me. We conclude it will not go well, and laugh and cancel our plans next week.
Laundry.
Vacuum. Mop floors.
Go to the liquor store, get a six pack.
14 Saturday. I hear restaurants may close. Mayor Hancock has intimated as much. If Denver closes, Lakewood will follow.
Mayor Hancock seems to mumble things in front of a microphone that are what he wishes would happen. Polis is governor, he's the boss of the state. Hancock, you're the boss of Denver, you do you. Stop mumbling.
Go to the liquor store, get a six pack. Not sure why I won't just buy a twelve pack, but I won't do it.
Vacuum. Mop floors.
Make blueberry muffins.
The neighborhood St. Patrick's party is cancelled as the hosts have ten pounds of corned beef and "limited" toilet paper. Hoooorah.
Try to take G out for a drink for her birthday cause she works tomorrow, but she is crestfallen. She and her boyfriend have been working toward getting a place ever since returning from Durango. They found a house with a yard, a roommate, and all three are solidly employed. But yesterday the roommate returned from Iceland and was put in isolation due to a cough. Unclear if he has CoVid, but his dad is at risk, so he cannot work this week. There goes moving out. She's devastated and there's nothing anyone can do.
15 Sun: Last night at Westrail. Six feet apart from each of the ten of us who are there. Bartender says she thinks they're closing. She says she's fine, she bought 3 bags of dog food and she and her boyfriend know they'll likely blow through their savings, but she believes they will be fine for a few weeks. A few weeks. Everyone is saying a few weeks.
Our friend Alyson arrives, after harassing me on Facebook for being at the pub and threatening to call the governor on me. She is toting her Lysol wipes and thoroughly cleansing the bar stool and her bar area before ordering a drink. I do not mock her, her dad is one of the last surviving Tuskegee airmen and she sees him daily. She's being responsible.
16 Polis closes all restaurants and bars except for take out and delivery.
Grocery run. No toilet paper at Safeway or King Soopers. I thought all the stuff on social media was panicked hyperbole. My friend in Highlands Ranch tells me Target has some if you get there first thing in the morning, but if I need any she has some she will bring me.
Harp and I decide to do the family thing we've done since she was little, "Let's drive to Evergreen for no reason." The three of us made this journey for years when money was tight. We'd listen to John Denver, and upon arrival stop to visit Ted and Tina, two marmots near the stream, get an ice cream, or later a coffee. She's now 22, so we stop at the Conifer bar called The Well At Bradford Junction. There is a cute general store next door, but it's closed. The bar owner and two regulars are present. We have a couple of beers and chat with the owner, Leslie, asking if she's going to be able to stay open. "As long as they let me, this is all I have. My husband passed this year." We tip her well and promise to return if she's able to stay open.
Online district SEL training modules 1-2. Whoot.
I make Guinness stew for dinner, after visiting the liquor store for Guinness...and a six pack of Beck's.
17 Monday, maybe Tuesday. St. Patrick's day. Look at photos from trip to Dublin last year when we got to see the parade. SIGH.
8 am, as I ventured out on my daily quest for toilet paper, I entered Target to discover three, twelve pack rolls. But between myself and the treasure were two women, one with a cart, chatting at the aisle entrance.
Blocking my way.
I imagined they asked my favorite color, shouted “blue... no green”into their vacuous faces, and lept over the cart, securing my grail. I snapped a photo as I exited, as proof of my adventure.
And that’s how I’m doing.Sheesh.
Laundry. Vacuum. Mop floors.
Make banana nut muffins.
I make potato soup for dinner.
We contemplate the take out options. I am not a cook by any stretch, but I'm trying.
Go to the liquor store.
Days of the week become meaningless. I'm on regular spring break, Harp is still in school at Metro, via remote.
Somewhere in here Genoa's spa closed. She's now unemployed.
Launder all bedding. Vacuum. Mop floors.
19 Today's quest is eggs. At least the egg shortage makes more sense than toilet paper. But still...up two mornings on my quest. Each depleted item comes with rumors: "I got eggs at Walgreens....I heard Safeway got a shipment....I hear there are no zombies at Pacific Playland". It’s funny and sad and I feel like an addict, listening to the word on the street to learn where to search next for my fix.
Michelle, who has cut our family's hair for more than ten years, calls to close her salon for the time being. She is devastated, but can't in good conscience remain open and possibly spread the virus.
Launder all blankets, couch and chair covers. Vacuum. Mop floors.
Finish online SEL learning modules. Whoot.
Liquor store.
Grocery store. At this point we go to see what there is,not get what we need.
On Facebook unknown author: Two households both alike in quarantine,
In fair Corona, where we lay our scene.
20 My day in bullet points:
• 12.30 began the supply quest. Late but needed to sleep. Loudly loved the take out restaurants for being open and NOT price gouging while driving all over town.
•Found eggs at the King Soopers at Kipling and Belleview( thank you Rachel Herring Finley).•No TP or eggs: Lakewood Kings,Vitamin Cottage or Safeway, Ken Caryl Walmart, Aurora Walmart.• Puzzles and Monopoly at Walmart.•As we are driving and I pontificate on the goodness of humans who don’t gouge , Harp pipes in that Door Dash and Uber Eats are using “Surge” pricing, aka gouging. I am momentarily saddened but not surprised. Ass Hats.•Drop Kleenex at my mom’s House in Lakewood.•H Mart Asian Market in Aurora has toilet paper. It is not good toilet paper,it is restaurant/Office one ply. One per customer. $14 for a 12 pack. Ass Gnomes.• I am now officially disappointed in humanity for gouging, and more annoyed that the ASIAN market has toilet paper AND are over charging. You get me.•Drive the TP to Castle Pines for my in laws.
* Stop at liquor store on way home.•5 pm arrive home. Hate greed. Make stir fry and watch Dumb and Dumber.
Scene.
Jim off, 'snow day".
Polis closes all hair salons.
Supplies, liquor store. Supply runs are no longer what we need, but "what do they have?"I said that already. Realize I'm repeating myself a lot. More of a concern is that it took me 30 minutes to complete a 49 piece Lion King puzzle. I was sober.
Launder things I find around the house. Will dog fit in washing machine? Vacuum. Mop floors.Make cranberry muffins.No more order to bullet points, need structure though, but what's the point?
Stephanie texts: From ancient germ break new immunity,
Where civil coughs make civil hands unclean.
This Day
Polis says restaurants can deliver alcohol. We kinda knew that,Jose O'Sheas was running a take out quarantine special with margaritas and one roll of toilet paper
We hear we may be on lockdown Monday. Get to Jose Osheas, order take out. Doing our part to help local businesses.
We decide to play the Ms. Monopoly procured at Walmart. "Ms". apparently means that all women start with more money than the men, and instead of properties the stops are inventions by women. We ate our Mexican food and slurped margaritas and learned that women invented a lot of stuff. Harp declares "This game is too long," thirty minutes in. Jim and I laugh and roll our eyes, as 70's and 80's kids played this thing for hours with no complaints and no alcohol.
kryssi texts: From forth the fatal bug-brought pandemos,
The segregation feels like it's for life.
Today
Polis says liquor stores can deliver.
Doubtful we're going on lockdown if he's making these decrees.
Facetime my sister until the wifi glitches, then just talk. She's out of a job starting Monday.
Harp keeps us updated with conspiracy theories.
And The Band Played On...
.....
Can we talk about how well I'm sleeping? Deeply, great, powerful, vivid dreams that are so realistic I wake up convinced they happened. I feel physically well, even though I haven't made a schedule and I still haven't started yoga again. Man, I feel invigorated.
Saturday, March 14, 2020
Theatres And Closures Briefly
I believe in the ghost light in theatres on a spiritual level. Of course, it is for safety, but it is also to remind us that we shall prevail. We are not shuttered forever. I realized while thinking of this blog that the reason theatre and I are so close is that we both have two middle fingers and a mohawk. That image represents my favorite movie phrase "Never give up, never surrender". Here is what occurred to me this morning, to prove that it takes a strong will to endure as a theatre person: The ghost light is the spirit of theatre, our collective mohawk that shines as a beacon to our souls. It is a symbol of our strength.
The Greek theatre survived being conquered by Rome, who then stole the Greek gods and theatre.The Greeks infected their conquering nation with their own culture.That's so punk rock.
In 1592 the Globe theatre was closed by plague. No biggie, they reopened afterwords and kept on going. Never mind that the players themselves then burned the place to the ground by firing a cannon during a show in 1613, they rebuilt it. Again with the mohawk, you can't stop theatre even with your own stupidity. Of course it was then closed by uptight Puritans in 1642 for "lascivious mirth and levity". Yep, that's us. How dare we have a good time. Partying like the punks we are, and holding a mirror up to society to force them to see how they are is usually misinterpreted and twisted into "lascivious mirth and levity." We enjoy mocking society, and watching society not comprehend that they are being mocked. Until they do, and then they shut us down.
The Globe still stands, by the way, even if it is in a different location.
The Russian theatres were closed by Bubonic plague in 1771, and also stood witness to the riots that ensued. Yet Chekov's Moscow Arts Theatre -founded a hundred years later, granted- is still standing. I may not be able to line up Russian theatre exactly with plagues and mohawks at this red hot moment, but I am also not wrong.
I'm just sayin', you cannot stop theatre.
I just jumped on google to check on my dates, and found this on SparkNotes: Aside from the city authorities, the chief enemies of the theaters were Puritan reformers, who believed that theatrical entertainment in itself represented a blight on the moral life of the city. One preacher, Thomas White, went so far as to make a direct link between plays and the plague: “The cause of plague is sinne . . . and the cause of sinne are playes: therefore the cause of plagues are playes.”
That was written regarding the shuttering of the Globe.See how we are?
Remember the black out last year in NYC? The cast of Hadestown took the show to the street. Mohawk. Two middle fingers. "The Show Must Go On", etc etc.
As I try to get my thoughts out here, with a fat fluffy cat pounding her head on my hand, I realize I've made my point. Theatre is not buildings. Theatre is people. Which I'm pretty sure is grammatically incorrect, or at least sounds it. As I chanted for four years as I was being bullied out of my own theatre: You can shove me out of my theatre, but you'll never take theatre out of me. I'm a theatre kid. Always have been.
Theatre people are the ones who endure. We adjust, change schedules, switch venues, move outdoors, hop districts, or, in the case of a plague, we sit and write and prepare for the buildings to reopen. Yes, This Sucks. This is costing millions in revenue, and lost wages,and putting insurance and car payments and mortgage payments at risk. It. Sucks. Ass.
But it will end. And we'll be ready.
'Cause the building may be closed, but the ghost light is still burning.
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