This Is Why I'm Like This: Driving in Denver in 2019

   I have never been cussed at as much as I have in the last year.
   This is not hyperbole, and it's a crappy first line, but Immma stick to it.
   The first line is why I, kryssi martin, steer clear of my neighborhood King Soopers.
   I do have a point here, one I wish I did not have to make.
   At the entrance of my neighborhood King Soopers, there is a four way stop. The stop guards the entrance to the grocery store on one side, McDonald's on the other. To go straight takes you to the ARC and eventually another exit. The entrance to the center is the fourth road. 
   I know the rules of a four way stop. I took a test to get my driver's license. Whoever arrives first goes first, then second, then third, then last, moving left. I also know the rules, because in the 1980's in Houston, there was a radio zoo show that featured "Lannie with Traffic and Bondage", who had a mantra "The lights are out at Almeda and San Jacinto, treat it as a four way stop ---Whoomp". He would then explain a four way stop, every so often, for those who are particularly stupid.
   Here is a handy tutorial I copped off of google in two seconds. See how easy the rules are to find?

   Never insist on taking the right-of-way. Note that the law does not allow anyone the right-of-way. It only states who must yield. When a driver is legally required to yield the right-of-way but fails to do so, other drivers are required to stop or yield as necessary for safety. So, if another driver does not yield to you when he or she should, forget it. Let the other driver go first. You will help prevent accidents and make driving more pleasant.

    Another handy site suggested you allow the more aggressive driver to go first to avoid accidents. This advice is only helpful when the aggressive driver is one waiting at a stop sign, not the one waiting behind you.
   The last few years, driving in Colorado has become unrecognizable. Road rage is up some ridiculous percentage, and people are passing on the right (dude, in Colorado that's a BIKE LANE). We had a guy pull a woman over who had a kid in her car and wave a gun at her because of some imagined driving infraction. They got him on video tape. Dude. I don't know your life, but maybe try decaf. 
   Lyft drivers are stopping after four hours, they can't take the intensity of what has happened. One driver said she was in tears just driving to Ft. Collins due to all the rage. Harp came home after two hours one night because she saw three accidents and a bicyclist run over. Not hit: run over. IN LAKEWOOD.
   My experiences have not, thus far, gone beyond yelling and flipping me off, which seems to be the preferred form of communication. I had a guy flip me off and speed around me because I was merging onto 6th ave from Simms two car lengths ahead of him. I guess he needed me to slow down so he could be where I was? It made no sense, I was no where near him when he went off.
    Meanwhile, at my neighborhood King Soopers' four way stop:
    A woman, in a mini van, was so horrible to me that I refuse to return to that intersection ever again.
    She was in a mini van.
    She was behind me, and I had arrived third. Arriving third at a four way stop means that two other cars go ahead of me. So I waited. 
   She was having none of it, and immediately began to wave her arms.
   I looked in my rear view mirror and indicated the first car moving through the intersection. As if, perhaps, she was blind and could not see the car.
  She flipped me off.
   I shook my head and indicated the second car moving through the intersection.
   Even with her windows closed, I could hear the vulgarities.
   Then she leaned on her horn.
   Unsure of what the proper response is to such road rage, I again looked in my rear view mirror, and in a tone reserved for five year olds I stated loudly: "Do you see our friends in the intersection? They got there first. They get to go first. We will wait for them patiently, our turn will come."
   She rolled down her window and hurled a name at me that I've never been called, in 16 years of teaching high school.
   This grown woman in her mini van unleashed all of her venom on me.
   By this time it was my turn, but I had missed it because I was trying to reason with a psycho. The third driver slowly made his way through, waving at me and shrugging, as he had a front row seat to the shit show and was glad it wasn't him.
   I drove through the stop, and did not turn into King Soopers as planned. I watched in my rear view mirror and noted that's where she was going. I just went forward and came home.
  The thing with Safeway is there is a four way stop as well, but it's not as crowded as King Soopers, and it's off of Alameda, and I come up the other way. In other words, I never need to use it. I can slide into Safeway from a reasonable entrance, and glide into a parking spot without ever encountering anyone who is crazy about four way stops.
  And so, all in all, to sum up. The fact that I worked at and quit King Soopers has nothing to do with my comfort level when shopping there. I won't return because I can't deal with that four way stop ever, ever again.
  Scene.