Audition Log 2017

The clicker turned back to "1" for this audition. A year ago I ventured out: 4 auditions, cast in two roles.  Not bad odds, much better than when I left 150 years ago.

WHICH IS A THING. Everyone out there is freaking 30. I quit at 30. I chose to stay home with my children and then teach.  And now I'm coming back, now I'm 51 and for the second callback in twenty years I'm read for a role thirty years OLDER THAN I AM.

Not even remotely considered for a role for someone at least in their forties.

The director---a very nice man, I would like to work with him--- said "I need a character actor, which is why I called you back." Which was meant as a compliment but...UGH.

I chatted with the two actresses I read with, both are stupidly optimistic and gigging hard. Nice people. One is gigging at this very theatre as a children's theatre actor and teacher. One is stressing at not having booked anything for next season. The third, with whom I read but did not chat, is currently in their production of Cabaret.  I sat watching these reunions and accolades and kissing and remembering when I was one of them.

Fuck. Just fuck. I was a character actor in my 20's not getting called back for anything because I was a CHARACTER ACTOR and some how incapable of being an ingenue. Or even just NOT comic relief. So I quit, only to  return  twenty years later to the same issue. I can be Mme Tourvel, dude, I'm not that fucking old. I'd give ten years of my life to be the Marquis but she was precast. So I shot for Volanges and got called back for Rosemund. For those of you confused, SHE'S THE GRANDMA.THE SCRIPT SAYS SHE'S 80.

UGH, yet I'm enough of an actor to be grateful for the opportunity.

Which is the sad end to this rant.

UGH. I was happy teaching and directing. I was so busy I didn't actually miss acting.
Then things changed, and I was thrown out to look for other gigs. Turns out I LIKE acting. I really kinda missed it, I was just too tired to notice. But now I'm apparently too old, again, and the list of roles is steadily shrinking.

I would still love to play the Marquis. Martha in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf. The Witch in Into the Woods. That's about all at this age, I suppose. When I was younger I really loved Fifth of July.  Of course Sally in Cabaret. I suppose I could still do Mrs. Clackett in Noises Off. Speaking of Carol Burnett, Miss Hannigan is on my list. I'm auditioning in July but it's a long shot. Like I have a shot against other actors between the ages of 30 and 50 who actually stayed in the game? But it'll be fun to go. I kinda suck at musical auditions. OHHH, Cori's mom in Barefoot in the Park. though technically I'm not old enough for THAT one yet, either. The issue is I'm 51 but honestly, I look mid forties. It's an issue. If only I looked mid THIRTIES, that'd be ok. But, as is the story of my life, I'm "at an awkward age".  If anyone did August: Osage I'd be interested.

Sigh. So long Yitzhak. So long Mme. Tourvel.

Is that IT? Really? I have no roles? Hmmm....Gwen in Fifth of July, I remember being really bummed when I didn't get it. I was read for Shelby in Steel Magnolias when I was 27 and overlooked for it. But that's OK, 'cause I got to be Ouiser 24 years later. Meg in Crimes of the Heart, I came really close with that one but then didn't want to rehearse on Sundays. That was a sign....

When I quit acting there were a series of signs. I was up for a role AND a teaching job simultaneously, and the teaching job called first and paid more.
Then I couldn't take a part due to conflicts, then I just....stopped auditioning. It became too much of a hassle to rehearse if I didn't really want to do the part. So I went into teaching and....

So I came back out. Acted a bit. Put in directing proposals: zip. Got a few teaching gigs. Directing K-3 rd grade. No high school directing gigs:zip.

It's fine. I'll wait. Something good is bound to happen. I didn't purge my office of 13 years of love notes and photos to have nothing new happen. It's fine.

I'll wait.

Like Harvey said "I can always drive a cab."