Shoniqua.1

   Two years ago I laid down my motorcycle. It was my fault, no other vehicles were involved and I was wearing my helmet. I got quite a bit of mileage out of the story,as it turns out it's actually funny. Or I am. Not sure which.

  My beloved Jon Bon Shoniqua-her full Christian name- had her brakes abruptly locked up by an unfocused  ass gnome rider. We slid about 20 feet, locked in a violent embrace, before we parted ways.My helmet saved my life, and really that's all that matters. With the weird May weather this spring, I have had some issues with my left hip, shoulder, knee, ankle and foot...pretty much my entire left side which was dragged along underneath my beloved. While I skidded along, she relieved herself of  the contents of the saddle bags, liberating them to live their slappy smashy last moments on the asphalt of South Kipling.

My helmet saved my life, did I mention that? When I realized I was going down, I said "Shit" and the next sound was my helmet hitting the asphalt, right at my temple.

  Now, the funny part of the story is how I immediately crammed by body against the retaining wall and started barking orders at the concerned drivers who were directly behind me when I went down. It never occurred to me how lucky I was that they were slowing down for the left turn when I went down. Any other street at any other speed...

  I pointed at the first guy and told him to call my husband. The second guy had my daughter's phone number yelled at him. When nobody related to me answered their phone, I pulled mine out of my back pocket and called the assistant principal's secretary. It went something like this:

       "Hi, it's kryssi. I'm in the middle of Kipling, I laid my bike down. I think someone has called and EMT, so I I'll be late."

   In case you need more information about Who I Am, there you go.

   Somehow my husband was located and I insisted that the EMT 's not take me to the ER because I have Kaiser. I may have said that more than once:
 
         "Don't drive me anywhere, I have Kaiser, I can't afford the ambulance ride. My husband is on his way, he'll take me. I'm not getting in there, I have Kaiser, " and so on and so on until they finally just picked me up and put me in the ambulance saying I couldn't stay in the street any longer, I was holding up traffic. The helpful police officer who rummaged through Shoniqua's yard sale asked where my license might be. I pointed to the mustard colored wallet on the yellow line, but told him "I don't have a motorcycle endorsement, so don't bother. I took the class and passed the test but got heat stroke because it was a hundred degrees that day so I didn't go back for the second day and then on Monday I went to Hawaii. That was eight years ago, did you know you can't go to the DMV and just get an endorsement any more?"

        I began to think I may have a concussion.

       They drove me to an apartment parking lot and waited for my husband, who was texting me while driving to determine my location. One the the EMT's---who it goes without saying was Babe-a-liscious, there's a hottie requirement for these guys---asked quietly:

        "Is your husband texting?"
        "Ya, he has no idea where we are."
        "Is he driving?
        "Ummmm...."
        "Can he not?"

     My husband finally locates us and takes me to the ER, where I immediately burst into tears because he was supposed to go play golf or shoot or something with a client and now he can't. Every time I look at him I start to cry and apologize for bothering him.
    In the ER I received a text from Eric that said "Are you dead?" If you needed more information about Who Eric Is, there you go.

        The ER Doc enters and my husband immediately asks "Can you check for a concussion? I'm pretty sure she has a concussion." To which I start crying, and then ask Jim if he's still going to work.

       Now, kids, for the reality check in our story.
       AS funny as this is, and as much fun as it is to tell people I dropped the bike because there was a bear with a baby in its mouth running across the street, I am OK. My biggest issue is that my hip hurts when the weather changes and my shoulder is not really in the joint any more. I can think, I can recount this story with humor and I understand how fortunate I am.

    Be careful out there, people.

________________________________________________________________________