Early last week, in my search to show an opening class video to my acting one kids....hold on. Is too much. Let me sum up: In the name of inspiring young theatre kids, I open Acting 1 every day with a video interview or compelling moment: Obsessed with Seth Rudesky is a favorite. We watched Iaian Loves Theatre a few times as well: delightful. Last week we watched Iaian's review of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. My Littleton, Colorado Acting 1 kids have no frame of reference for many things theatrical, which is why they have me. So I showed them NPH and Lena Hall on The Tony's performing "Sugar Daddy" from Hedwig. No real context, just actors admiring the skills of two performers playing the opposite gender.
Then I watched it again.
And again.
And I sat through two class periods compulsively clicking "play". I couldn't be stopped.
And I started to hate my age. And my weight. And arthritis.
It was Lena Hall. I became obsessed with her commitment, the way everything in her character is present in just a 4 minute 29 second clip. I mean--damn, who is this woman?
So I watch her Tony acceptance speech.
Then I look her up to see where she trained.
Then I watch NPH's acceptance speech.
Then I watch the video again. And again. And again.
Dude.
And I began to regret almost every life choice I have made.
Then I look up still photos from the show and discover Lena Hall switched and became Hedwig for some tour dates. Well damn, Skippy, you just keep getting cooler.
More Tony viewings ensue. I try to distract myself with Cabaret to no avail: I want Hedwig.
All weekend I troll the show.
And all weekend I sink more deeply into a familiar and frustrating ennui.
I toddle downstairs to see if I can find my copy of the movie, because I know I had it. I bought it back when LIDA was doing it.
Arrow stab. Suddenly I realize I'm depressed.
I will never play Yitzhac. I am too old.
I was too old---according to the producer---years ago. "Theatre is for the young, " he said.
I was 36.
I became a teacher at 37.
Monday I realize there is pirated NPH Hedwig on You Tube. So I watch it. The Entire Thing. My students are rehearsing, I have a laptop, it's not hard.
I miss acting. I miss it a lot.
I'm a theatre kid. Always have been.
I then start clinking around the film version, comparing scenes from the original off Broadway with John Cameron Mitchell and Miriam Shor to NPH and Lena Hall. I become obsessed with "Midnight Radio", and compulsively click between the three versions, falling in love with both of the women who played Yitzhac.
So I think.
I'm not a theatre kid. I'm theatre's bitch. Always have been.
Today, we started Acting 1 with the film version of "Midnight Radio". This time with more information about the story of both Hedwig and Hansel who became Hedwig, and the meaning of the final moment when he releases Yitzhac. Now clearly, JCM and Miriam Shor had been working together in these roles for two years, but I still used the moment to wave my arms and yell "connect!" I said "These moments are why we do this! It's like melted butter in your veins instead of blood. And you're missing it! Fear, social media, fear...it's all in your way. If you learn nothing else from me or never see me again, please learn that!" I was on a roll.
I then worked closely with the kids doing Fool For Love and they discovered their connection and took their scene to the next level.
I know why I had to binge on this show. I know why it depressed me, why I lashed out at my age and my life situation, and why I finally came to acceptance today as the lesson was synthesized first through my students, and then through me.
I'd still give ten years of my life to play Yitzhac. Or even to just sing "The Long Grift" as a guy. That's it, really.
I get it. And again...or still....everything is revealed to me through theatre.
Because I am Theatre's bitch. Always have been.
And can you hear Lena's voice? I can. "Lift up your hands....lift up your hands!"
Lena Hall
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