Enjoy my first shot at a short short maybe screenplay in decades.
Green Mountain, a western suburb of Lakewood, an older, quiet community whose residents use "Nextdoor" instead of "Facebook".
The King Soopers parking lot. There are many Subarus and Toyotas in this middle class grocery corner, which includes a liquor store, a Pizza Hut and a Chiropractic office.
Leigh, in her fifties, exits the grocery store. As she gets into the car, checking underneath as is her lingering habit from younger years, and looking in the back seat, the man simply opens the passenger door and gets in alongside her.
Pointing the gun at her head, he says "Drive."
She looks at him levelly and does not move.
"Didn't you hear me, lady? Drive or I'll fucking blow your fucking head off."
She opens the driver's door slightly and throws the car keys onto the ground. "OK."
"Bitch, I'm not joking, open the door and get the keys."
"Bitch, I'm not joking: no."
He waves the gun but does not fire it.
"If you're just going to sit here, I'm going back to the liquor store, I could use another bottle of wine."
"Fucking move and I'll fucking shoot you, bitch."
"Yes, we've established your text, however I don't think you've done your research. What is your intention?"
"To shoot you."
"Wrong. You need a car. Your intention is to get my car. I have now placed an obstacle in your way. If you are not committed to shooting me, you will not achieve your goal."
"What?"
"They're just words unless you mean them. You clearly do not mean them."
"Try me."
"You see your choices here, yes? You can shoot me, which you clearly do not intend to do, or you can get out of my car, which you also are clearly not doing. You force my hand, young man."
She pulls a prop gun out of her "New York" sling bag. He puts up his hands. "Argh,"she grumbles, she shrugs and opens her door. She gets out and marches to the liquor store. He watches her from the passenger seat, gobsmacked.
She returns and he is still in the passenger seat." Seriously? The keys are right here," she throws them at him hitting him in the forehead and walks back to the store."One note: Commit. Mean what you say and follow through."
She walks into the liquor store a second time and reports her car stolen. She then waits for the police.
_______________________________________________________________________________
He drives from the King Soopers parking lot west to the Safeway, which has another liquor store, a second hand sports equipment store and a pizza joint. He again opens the passenger door on a young lady who was preparing to exit her car.
"What." Not a question, or an exclamation. Just a statement.
He waves the gun at her head."Drive or I'll blow your head off."
Adjusting her weight only slightly, she presses her temple to the barrel of his gun. "OK."
"Look, I'm not kidding."
"Clearly you are, as you are not following through. But your voice is good,and the look in your eye says 'I'm crazy don't fuck with me'. Your acting is on point up until the trigger pull.Your research is incomplete.
Pause.
"I'm not going to drive," she throws the keys in his lap "So your call, Brad."
"I'm not Brad."
"I'm not driving."
Pause.
"I will give you snaps for the Pinter pauses, Brad, but let's commit to a choice here: shoot me or get out. I'm not driving. I made my choice."
Pause.
"The fuck is with you people up here, are you all related?"
"Yes. Sure. What?"
"I think I just met your mom."
This gives her pause, and she hesitates a moment too long.
Waving the gun. "Bitch, Drive.
Waving her finger. "Brad, no."
Pause. Pause. She adjusts her weight and begins to make a fist, indicating she is prepared to punch him. He watches closely, and she looks him in the eyes and then releaxes, her energy spent.
"Okay, I'm bored. You have two choices here. You can shoot me or get out of my car. I don't see a third option, Brad, and I'm done repeating myself."
He tosses her keys back to her, and they fall on the floor at her feet. She doesn't move.
She holds up two fingers.
He pauses.
She puts her head to the barrel once again. "A piece if advice? Find someone who wants to live. This approach is tired, Brad."
He opens the door and spills out the passenger side, running for the liquor store.
"Well, that was fun, huh?" She looks in her back seat where a man is bound and gagged. "So where were we? Oh, yes, you tried to grab me after work and it didn't really work out for you. Turns out I can defend myself, and pound you into submission in the deal. So. I'm going to dump you out here, in just a minute, and you're going to disappear forever. Agreed?"
He nods.
She pulls out a knife. "Now to make sure you can't ever, ever bother a woman with your silly penis again...."
__________________________________________________________________________________
He stumbles into the liquor store, waving his gun at the female clerk who passes out immediately. A male emerges from the back and starts yelling at the man with the gun. The TV in the far upright corner of the store is playing the movie Tremors.
"The fuck is wrong with you, ass hat? Waving a gun at a clerk like that? We're a liquor store, genius, not Ft. Knox. Hold on--" he exits to the back and returns with an ice pack, which he puts on the young lady's chest while bundling his hoodie under her head. "She's working for a living, jerk, trying to adjust back to the world and you think you're all that with a fucking gun."
"What's wrong with her?"
"What's wrong with her?" He stands up to get the remote by the register and turns down the TV "A guy pointed a gun at her on her first shift, that's what's wrong with her. Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep employees here, man? It seems nice and safe because it's a nice neighborhood up here,but nobody wants to work in a liquor store, dude. Especially a woman. Thanks."
"Why are you wearing a mask?"
"Covid, dickweed, remember? I'm not on the hierarchy to get the vaccine yet. Shouldn't you be wearing one? Based on our current situation I'd say you're not a health care worker." He considers, "You might be a teacher, though." He laughs at his own joke. "Get it? 'cause they're underpaid and got the vaccine...that was a good one, man, whoo---"
"Fuck do I care if I get it? I never got it, so who cares."
"You can still pass it on you know. Not everyone has been vaccinated. Also, that's old news dude, the new strain---"
"Open the register."
"No."
"What."
"This job ain't worth my life man, and I'm not leaving her head on this nasty mat. You do it. It's not hard. There's a key at the top. Just turn it, it'll pop right open."
"Brad" fumbles with it and can't get it open. "Safe, open the safe."
"Can't. It time locks after six pm, you should know that, didn't you do any research? You can kill me, and that'd suck, but it won't get the safe open. The Wells Fargo guys will be here tomorrow morning at 9 to unlock it."
"Brad"returns to the cash register but has to put down the gun. He absentmindely hands it to the male clerk and opens the register, shoving the roughtly $200 in his jacket. When he turns around, the clerk has his gun on him and the young woman is waking up.
"You have two choices here. You can go or I can shoot you. But you aren't getting your gun back, this place is wired with cameras and the cops are on their way." He tosses a plastic bag at him. "Take the mask, if you're going to hide in this neighborhood, you need to look like you give a shit."
"Brad" leaves and turns left. The manager yells "Go right, the neighborhood is right through the gully."
The female clerk wakes up, sees the manager and the gun. "Hi!" he smiles "Welcome back. Sorry about that, it seriously only happens once in a blue moon, as they say. Although since the lockdowns and all, it has gotten a bit worse, like once a month. That's why we always have two on at night. They never shoot. Are you OK?"
She looks up at the TV where Michael Gross is yelling "Looks like you broke into the wrong goddamned rec room!"
________________________________________________________________________________
Leigh is in her kitchen, opening a bottle of wine, the TV is on the news and she's scrolling Nextdoor and laughing. She's reading notifications out loud.
"'There is a blue Hyundai that keeps driving by our house!' I love this guy, he still hasn't figured out Lyft."
"'I saw a coyote up on W. Virginia Drive!' Me too, they're everywhere, Dear."
"'Car break ins are on the increase again. Lakewood PD does not seem to care, get yourself a Ring doorbell and publish their thieving faces on social media!' Yep, that'll do it Grandpa. OOH, proof! Here's Ring video of a dog pooing on the lawn 'Whose dog is this?!!!"
Shaking her head, she looks up at the TV and sees a live report. From the TV, a reporter is standing in front of the gas station across Union, just across from both the Safeway and King Soopers.
" Thank you, yes, we have very little information right now, but it appears this is the site of a car jacking gone bad for the car jacker. Brad Harper was filling his tank when a man forced himself into the passenger seat and demanded that he drive. Brad, whose two year old daughter was in the back seat, refused. At that time, the would be jacker moved to the driver's side and tried to forcibly remove Brad from the vehicle. During the scuffle, the would be thief shoved what Brad believed to be a gun into his side. Brad, who holds a conceal carry license, pulled his own gun. The man fled, unharmed, and Brad is being treated at St. Anthony's for a cracked rib and minor bruises. This is Bananface McGee for 9 News."
There is a key heard in the front door lock. It opens and voice calls "Mom, hey, can I get that rice cooker?"
"Sure, if you brought my knife back."
The young lady ascending the stairs is the same one who had a man tied up in the back of her car. She enters the kitchen, pulls a bloody kitchen knife from her bag and washes it in the sink. "Sorry about that. I didn't mean to steal it, I thought it was mine."
"I think you do it so you have an excuse to come back for dinner every week."
SCENE
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