I've been trying to sort out how to write about this debacle, and make it funny, when I realized the memes have already done it. The Meme Gnomes know that a picture is worth a thousand words, but they added a few words, anyway, to alter the meaning and now I can't write about remote teaching because it's all been said in memes.
I hate technology.
I do not know how to create a meme, and I refuse to learn. I also refuse to tik-tok, snap chat or instagram. In addition: I refuse to capitalize any of those applications or whatever they are and I am unsure why. I doggedly insist on refering to the internet as "The Interwebs" and Facebook as "My The Facebook".
I am a delight.
All of this was hilariiously quirky to students and collegues until August, when the reality set in.
I teach theatre. By definition theatre needs a live audience, otherwise it's film...(or masturbation, thank you Mr. Albee) Period. I have been very gracious in allowing students who are forced to be on their Chrome books to call what we are doing theatre, as they are technically "alive" behind their screens. I have not been gracious at all when they ask if they can record their performance instead.
Will you be recording your performance in front of a live audience, like SNL? We have had class conversations around sitcoms and talk shows, determining that as long as there is a live audience, it's theatre.Which means that they can perform for the class behind our cameras, because we're live, and we'll accept it but only under Covid Lockdown. They get bonus points if they perform in front of their parents or siblings.
So, if you record yourself alone in your room and post it in google classroom, is it theatre?
No.
It is not theatre. For what that actually is, see above and make your choice.
I allowed myself to join with another building to create a "Virtual Whodunnit" with kids from both schools. Six of the eight actors were from my building, I soon realized "collaboration" meant "I don't have reliable kids". Which was fine, whatever, but it's not THEATRE and I hated it. Nobody really believes we're going back hybrid in January, regardless of the district's directives, and that means I will have to do another virtual peformance.
My stipend relies on it.
I will not receive my theatre stipend if I do not produce a performance outside of class of some kind.
Money drives everything.
I wish it didn't, in a perfect world I can pay my bills without this stipend and just spend time getting to know the kids and planning our glorious return next fall. Frankly, I've had a lot of fun with my intro classes doing The Odd Couple scenes with sock puppets. I don't believe forcing them to adapt improv games to a Brady Bunch screen is an effective way to teach theatre. I have chosen, instead, to teach them how to build a sock puppet (it's a prop), create costume pieces for it, and perform a scene from the hated Chrome Book (read the script, tilt the screen, create differentiated voices for the characters, maniuplate the sock puppets=multitasking and performance and infinitely more creative than saying words into a screen, repeat).I just went off paranthetically, that's a new one.
There is just too much, non teachers ("Non Teachers" What is wrong with me? "Not Teachers...wait...was that correct?) cannot possibly understand, so when they ask "How's teaching theatre online?" I just shrug.
If you ask a teacher, and get a shrug, just nod. Smile. Hand over that bottle of wine.We've spent all of our energy trying to live through this, we have no energy left to explain to anyone else how we're living through it.
We aren't even sure that we are.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
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