This Is Why I'm Like This:Raising Millennials, First Verse

   I am going to open by saying this is not a trash post about millennials.

   I am a high school teacher, and parent, and I've seen all sides of the crisis.
 
   Last night, while drinking in the street with my neighbors (Thank you Allison), who also have kids the same age, I found sympathy in the reality of the struggle, but no answers. Just a lot of drinking. In the street. Which was actually awesome, it reminded me of block parties and backyard gatherings from my childhood. I have a neighbor who is relentlessly determined to keep us as a neighborhood, Old School.

    What I found was a common acceptance that our adult children are going to have to move home after college, and it's not entirely their fault. Nor is it ours.

     I worked my way through school working a few jobs because, as my neighbor pointed out, one class cost $500. We had no cell phones, which you cannot survive without these days, so the apartment landline was $20 bucks. You could grocery shop at a budget of $35 a week. If I continue along this line, I will sound very Jimmy Stewart reminiscing on how gas was a nickel a gallon and the movies were ten cents. I know when I was a kid, mom could send me up the street to Tastee Freeze with a dollar, and I'd get a burger, fries and coke and still have change to get fake candy cigarettes at 7-11.

   These kids are graduating with over $100,000 in student debt, with degrees and internships that sometimes don't yield jobs at all, let alone one that will pay $14000 a month in rent, plus phone, plus gas, plus groceries and insurance and student loan. Unless their parents were financially able to pay for their schooling, or pay off their loans, the bulk of them will end up living back at home.

   I have alumni that had to move back for several years. Several have been fortunate enough to buy a home by the time they are 28 or so, but I suspect some parental help on that end. Unless they are also fortunate enough to be in a relationship, and at least one of them has a good paying gig. But I've seen it, it exists, and it makes it all the more frustrating for everyone else because instead of celebrating their success, parents look at their own child and use it against them. How come you can't manage to even buy a car but he can get a house....blah blah blah. Because it's really, really hard and not everybody is wired the same. Some people are more motivated, some goal oriented, some do not struggle with mental illness or at least don't find it to be debilitating. Many simply have no idea what they want to do, and cannot afford college to "explore their options", and so give up. I am thrilled for those who make it out, and I celebrate, and I find my own children comparing themselves and I say "We are all on our own journey. Relax." I used to say "As long as you can pay your bills, you'll be fine." But of course now they can't pay their bills. Current example, Harp has changed massage therapy jobs four times now since October. She changes each time at the promise that this one will be the money maker. It never is, they don't book her as much as she needs, or the management structure causes issues, or the company itself is struggling. Dude. Genoa makes $12 an hour as a preschool teacher and with her salary plus Jose's as a cook, they can barely manage the $800 a month they're paying for their shit hole in Durango. I do mean Shit Hole. It's a "renovated" hotel, so their apartment has no kitchen.

    We keep fussing at them about a budget, but how do you budget what you don't have? This is why we, as her parents, have no retirement or way of helping either one of them out, except to let them move back home.

     I'm not whining, I am explaining. I feel like there are others out there in the same situation. You're not alone, my friends. Come hang out on my street one summer night and share a beer with us.

      Everyone's story is different. My experience paying my way through school is mine, and sure, I am frequently disappointed in my financial  life. I was unable to afford a masters degree, which keeps me from making more as a teacher. I'm married to a guy with a masters whose still underpaid, so it doesn't always universally transfer to  the money train.

    This generation doesn't need our judgment, they need our help. Real, tangible, help. College expenses spiraled out of control during our watch and I saw no one taking to the streets defending their child's right to the same quality of education that they had at a reasonable price.

   As parents, many who have also changed careers once or twice and who have no hope of a retirement, our version of helping is to let them live with us. We can't say "do it yourself" because when we left home or college, rent was $500/month. We can't just wave our arms and say they're lazy, because they aren't. They're mentally ill, they're full of anxiety, they're worried and deeply in debt by the age of 21. They're working as hard as they can at jobs that don't pay enough for them to live.

   As millennials, they have to stop blaming us as well. If a job doesn't work out, find another one but in God's name stop pulling no call no shows, you're giving you're entire generation a black eye by being irresponsible. Just call in. Find another job, but find one, and understand that days without pay add up when the bills come due.

    Again, this is not everyone. I see semesters abroad and internships and am truly happy for those families. But none of them live in my neighborhood, and precious few are my alumni.

    Just like the left and the right need to stop throwing rocks and find a solution, so do the generations. We're not helping each other at all by blaming.