In what I now believe was about 2009-2011 ish, the assemblies at our school were run by a language arts teacher with a definite flair for the dramatic. He came up with themes and found ways to incorporate the staff, which weirdly made me actually enjoy assemblies. He didn't include us like "Teachers Vs. JV Soccer Tug Of War" or some other idea that involves a tug of war, or competition, those are events that make me hate assemblies. He did stuff like... homecoming skit was "Homecoming Through the Ages" and enlisted teachers to play the roles in each era, beginning with cavemen. Which involved Steph hitting Farrell (the choir teacher) over the head and dragging him off. I think. Maybe he hit her. I'm not sure as I was on spot light for that one. It was cute.
I wish I could remember which assembly this one was, I dunno if it was the final senior assembly or a dance assembly or what, but Alex decided we needed to bring back air bands. That's right. Only people over 40 remember air bands. We actually had air band competitions in high school. As a theatre kid, my group thought we were cute and did "Leader of the Pack" in poodle skirts, with one of our friends entering on a Big Wheel. The following year, since we'd lost the year before, we decided to take it seriously, and did "Destination Unknown" by Missing Persons. By some fluke of nature I ended up on drums, and even worse, one of the other band's drummer was using real drum sticks, so it was decided I must use some. I was handed the sticks, and knew something was wrong but the music started and if you know the song, the percussion starts the song. Why are these sticks so heavy? Turns out they were for marching band, and they weighed 20 pounds a piece by the end of the song. Anyway...Alex's concept was that the teachers were the band. He asked if I'd be Axl Rose, as he wanted to do "Welcome to the Jungle". I did not have to think twice. I was in.
I watched Axl Rose videos to get his moves down pat, and the morning of the assembly, my theatre kids helped me concoct a costume. My arty kid drew Axl's tats on my arms. I looked like Axl Rose's squirrel cousin with a glandular issue. Uncanny, don't you think?
There are photos in the yearbook as well, a favorite is of Jim Farrell wearing a Viking helmet and playing guitar. Let's take a moment to appreciate how this moment defined our personalities. Kryssi, an actor, immediately went to realism. Jim, a musician, went to opera. All the other teachers played guitar, there was not a drummer---probably because I was Axl and unavailable. God it was fun. About halfway through the song I started having trouble breathing. The gym was stifling and I'm not someone who generally wears jeans, as I am a prolific crotch sweater and they don't breathe. All I knew is that I suddenly could not breathe, and I had to dial back Axl a bit. I took the moment to turn around and look at the silliness happening behind me. Matt Marshall had an inflatable guitar he was crushing--literally, the neck was bent. Mike McShea looked like he was truly living his dream, deeply committed and focused, and Kathy Prestel physically turned me around to face the underclassmen, as we'd set up to face the seniors and I didn't realize we were playing in the round.
The kids seemed to enjoy it, the teachers had a good time. What more is there?
There was the breathing thing, which now that I look at the date, I realize this is when it was discovered I have asthma and severe allergies.
This may be the Second Time I Was Cool, but I don't think so, as the kids mostly thought we were silly. And we thought we were silly. But I nailed my impression, I had the snake like moves and fake cigarette fingers picture perfect.
And this concludes our second installment of Assembly Memories. Thank you for joining me.
No comments:
Post a Comment