This Is Why I'm Like This: Dublin Moments: The Cliffs Of Moher

     The Cliffs of Moher
      According to google maps, which are clearly The Boss Of All Things Map Based,  the cliffs are only three hours from Dublin. Our Paddywagon tour was for 12 hours,  which was confusing at first. But once you're on the bus, you're stopping at the Barack Obama Station, Bunratty Castle, the cliffs, Galway,Doolin, Kinvara, the Atlantic coast and getting chatted up about castles, including an inexplicable "leprechaun castle",  the Celts, bog people, the Normans, the British Overlords, Obama's visit, the stone walls that double as burial pyres for the victims of the famine and very corny jokes and jabs. It is no small job to drive this tour and chat for at least 10 of the 12 hours. He was delightful, positive and energetic. When we stopped, all the differnent tour drivers would wave and smoke and chat together like old pals. I wondered if there was a lot of movement between companies. If you're a tour driver, do you get bored with one company and switch to another?
      Also those roads are narrow and insane. On two occasions I could have reached out of my window and touched the bus passing next to us.
      The cliffs are 700 feet high and beautiful, rugged and unstable. You could not pay me enough to cross the short, stone wall border and stand on the edge of the cliff. It rains in Ireland all of the time,that ground is not reliable. The tour guide did say it can give out under your feet, unexpectedly, but he did not say "Don't go out there," which is what I think 95% of our moron population needs to hear. We are metaphorically challenged, says Joseph Campbell. Yes, we are, and that means we no longer know how to infer. "The ground is unstable," is what was said, so I heard "Don't go to there." I inferred his sub textual intention.The mouthy kid sitting behind me and several of the blonde twenty somethings all heard "He didn't say not go, c'mon I need a selfie."
      While there is clearly some kind of nature maintenance crew looking after the cliffs, as I did not see any garbage, I still consider that I saw garbage at the cliffs. The garbage that disrupted my enjoyment of this natural wonder was the crappy behavior of the stupid girl hanging her feet off of the edge whilst her friend wielded the camera chanting "Oh My God, OHMYGOD!" Garbage behavior, ruined my enjoyment. Why? Because now, instead of enjoying the view and breathing the air, I am worried that you are going to die. Thanks for that.
      There was also human beauty.  A young man with two metal prosthetic legs climbed the stairs ahead of us, and was making his way back down without any issue. Our tour guide noted him when we returned from the bus "That bloke had to work really hard to do this. Wouldn't have been so long ago he'd be in a wheelchair and unable to climb."
      There was a violin player on the lower level, and an old squeezebox player farther up. Both were just happily playing Irish tunes and lending a bit of authenticity to our climb. I gladly parted with  a few euro for each of them, grateful for their time and talent.
      Because we are the Martins---which you must sing to the tune of the Monkees theme song--we had to stage a Princess Bride moment at the Cliffs. Harper pointed to the cliffs and declared "Inconceivable", and I entered  with "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. " It took three takes, and Harper had to switch roles because she couldn't get the words out, so she took the one line role.
      The toilets ---they are "toilets" throughout Ireland, not restrooms or bathrooms---were my first adventure in unisex. Men and women were in the same bathroom and nobody---I mean nobody---cared. What rapture to just use a toilet and keep your agenda out of it. Of course, this is Ireland, unlike the US they were not founded by Puritans.
      When we pulled into Dublin at the end of the day, the guide turned on the local radio. The 70's music was gone and the news was on. My jaw dropped as I listened to reports of the shooting in New Zealand.  I really wanted him to turn it off, I was not prepared for any human garbage in that moment.