I was supposed to be in the Who chorus of Seussical this weekend, but instead I was at Wonka with the elementary kids. The two companies are linked to the same church, music director and producer, so I always call one the "Adult Company", which may be accurate. I did Godspell two years ago with the adult company and had a blast. It challenged me and kept my mind off of the dismantling of my theatre teacher career. I had just done Steel Magnolias in Conifer and had a glorious experience there, and was thinking maybe I'd try being an actor again. After Godspell I auditioned a few times with no luck and quickly decided that was folly: I'm not going to be an actor again. Since I'm not directing at the high school, I only work with two children's theatre companies in Denver and Boulder to feed the theatre beast. I teach and direct, and it's fine. I'm not in charge, I don't have to design and teach tech and feed people and handle breakdowns and fry my corneas looking at lights and deal with admin and sweep the stage. I'm just part of a stable of People Who Do Theatre and I work with a lot of "formers" ( "Former Rockett", "Former Tony winner", etc) I am a "Former High School Theatre Teacher", so I suppose I fit in now.
The "Littles" show this past summer, Annie , was the first time I was in the program as a language arts teacher. That was harsh, seeing it in print. Everyone keeps saying it's what I do, not who I am, blah blah blah, whatever. I keep getting hired at the Highlands Ranch company do to small kids, and the other company uses me for high school, which is my actual preference. But money is money and I Am Theatre's Whore, so sure, sure, I'll direct the Littles. I get it, the other "Formers" look much cooler in a program than "A language arts teacher". They are also actual musical theatre people who like musical theatre.
Anyway. Sorry, I almost toddled back down the the Feel Sorry For Me Freeway.
So further proof that I am not to be an actor, when I auditioned for Seussical I was cast in the Who chorus. OK, that's fine, I really truly like this group and I'm happy to contribute however I can. Then, in December, right before the first rehearsal for Seuss, I received an email from the Artistic Director of the children's theatre. This is where I remind you that both shows share administration. The music director on Seuss is the Producer of the children's program, so there is no way both parties were unaware that I was to be in the Who chorus. OK. So I get an email asking if I will direct Willy Wonka at Field elementary. The show dates are the same as Seuss.
Seuss is for free. Wonka is paid.
"Theatre's Whore".
Also, they need me to direct and choreograph, something went wonky (HA) with whomever had been slated to do it. Or nobody had been slated to do it, I don't know, the email indicated an emergency situation.
I will pause while all of my students, Jim Farrell and my children laugh their heads off at "choreograph".
You are pretty desperate if you want me to choreograph.
They'll pay me both salaries, the email said.
Done.
I send the Seuss director a note dropping the show, probably pissing her off, as she is part of the stable that works for both companies as well and likely doesn't appreciate the poaching that just happened. But whatever, not my circus, not my monkeys. I like everybody involved, I'm not grumpy or bitter, I just like money more than I do no money.
See above: "Theatre's Whore".
Thus signed on, I realize that I am also teaching classes for this company two nights a week at the church. Rehearsals do not conflict until tech week, but I overlook that, figuring they know that and the SM will run the show that night so I can go down the street and teach.
Turns out, there is no SM, either....there is a TD who is doing set and sound and there are costumers, thank God and hooorah, but....OK. So. The props master is also a teacher with them, so she will take my class so I can stay for the final dress, but then we don't have a props master at the final dress. Or an SM, and I am both choreographer and director. With no Stage Manager.
Very early on I ask if can get my daughter, Harper, to come in and volunteer her time to help me manage the rehearsals. Wonka is a rough show with too many kids disengaged for periods of time. It's not like Annie where mostly everyone can be on stage all of the time. I doubled the Bucketts as squirrels, and the Candy Kids as Oompas and crossed my fingers. Thank God for Harper, she was able to take the Oompas and work them while the music director took the ensemble and I could work blocking with Wonka and the winners. Sometimes the Producer would have to help out, because, well, because there was no SM and I'm the director and choreographer and Harper has a job that pays her she needs to sometimes be at.
Luckily for all of us, I've done this show before and I know how these "Jr" things work best. My experience at East had taught me well, and I felt like I could manage this show...but this is not East, and these kids are different. So I adjust again, and we seem to understand each other
Then the flu hit. In six weeks, I never had a rehearsal with all the Oompas, and our performance was missing an Oompa who was home with a high fever. I honestly have no idea how many Oompas I was supposed to have. One dropped the first week, another was reassigned to being a candy kid and I added one to replace one and at least one was always sick. It became a joke to Mel (props) Harp and I, that any number of kids could enter as Oompas at any time, or none could. Also the rest of the cast kept doing the choreography even when asked not to do so. And they are not adept enough to adjust when they are missing Oompas. They were in two lines, and sometimes stage right would have two Oompas and left would have four and I'd just laugh, because what else can you do? These are not professionals who return to rehearsal like they never missed a day. These are kids who lose their minds, forget where they are, ask random questions unrelated to the show and boss each other around, or jump off of the stairs, or or or or....sigh. It's fine. It's rough work, but the sweet kids who are truly dedicated are truly dedicated.
I had decided, for a variety of personal reasons, that this summer will be my last summer with this company, or any company. I need to either decide to be a language arts teacher or find a full time theatre gig, but lang arts all day and then doing theatre is not fun. Lang arts actually takes more planning and energy than running a theatre, largely because I have to plan. It's not accessible to me like theatre. In theatre I would walk in some days with no idea about what we needed to do that day, and in ten minutes I'd have it figured out, a power point excavated, etc. It's just not hard to do, it's time consuming because it's theatre, but I'm not scrambling online for lesson plans, or hitting up my colleagues or standing in the copy room at 7 am trying to plan when I do theatre. I just do it. But lang arts is hours of planning and then grading, my God grading, my eyes have deteriorated at an alarming rate this year as I squint through google docs to grade. It's exhausting, and that's where I am with lang arts, exhaustion, and when I'm off, I want to go home. I also don't feel like I'm making any kind of a difference, but all teachers feel that I guess. Only arty or elective teachers seem to know their worth. As I learn more about my core colleagues I understand how common it is to feel like you've had no impact at all. That adds to the exhaustion for me. There is no pay off, so why am I killing myself trying to get them to give a crap about Elie Wiesel? It's just making me grumpy and I end up telling them to get off my lawn.
I had hoped staying with the children's company could feed the jonez, but I realize that it's high school and older that I love. So this year, 2019, theatre has become a second (and third) job and nothing more. Again with "Theatre's Whore" , I take money but not pleasure from it. I work alongside these young people who are so enthusiastic, willing to give up so much time and energy to help with a show, and I honestly think "I'm too old for this crap." The kids are getting more and more disrespectful at every age---I get to say that, I work with first grade through 12th, so I get to say that--and I've lost my patience. That's it, that's the crux: I have no more patience. Which means it's time to go, as children's theatre takes PATIENCE.
So in my mind I made this vague plan to stop accepting shows and teaching offers, and just be a lang arts teacher. I started entering the HGTV Montana Dream Home Contest twice daily, and for a week straight I entered daily sweepstakes for stuff I didn't really want, but would be happy to have (A Jeep, flooring, a Honda) whatever daily sweepstakes popped up. I figured I could win a house and then I could work in a gift shop in the resort town. Harper is a massage therapist, resort towns need massage therapists. They need accountants, so Jim could work. Genoa can find a small theatre or start a small theatre or live in Vegas and come visit or whatever. It was a solid plan.
We did not win the Montana home.
Oh well, it's fine.
I have friends out of jobs, my children are beautiful and strong but struggling and the cats are all old. It's fine. We are all employed at the moment, and we have a safety net for anything unexpected, and two newly renovated bathrooms. We are supportive and the family has each other. It's fine.
They cancelled the Saturday show yesterday-Friday-due to a snow forecast. This school is of the type that most of the kids take the school bus, so getting there on a Saturday is rough in the first place, but if it's snowing, they won't come at all because they'll have to walk. So they made the call to cancel, making last night opening and closing.
The parents of Mike TV and Wonka are also directors, I hear. They open enroll at this school and live in Aurora. Sheesh, really? They have chatted with me over the last few weeks,and I found out they open enroll for LHS. Specifically theatre.
The mom looked at me and said clearly "Specifically for you. We were devastated to learn you weren't there any more."
I shrug, "I'm there, I teach lang arts."
She just looks at me.
"You get me here, I get to direct the boys. It's fine."
After the show, the entire family was there and the daughter, who I guess is an 8th grader at LHS or maybe 9th I have no idea, shakes my hand and says "I'm so sad I don't have you." I shrug and say "You will, I teach lang arts." She tries to continue, saying Cay talked about me at musical circle, blah blah blah, and I stopped her "Look, who cares? Do you love theatre? Cool. Do it. It doesn't matter who your teacher or director is. They're always going to be different." Then I said "Oof" because Mike TV tackled me with a hug. I got more hugs from this kid than any other and it was a delight, even tho he's exactly the height of my belly button.
The music director, who I worked with for the first time, was all smiles. She is a kind and patient woman whose eight year old son was "Mr. Bundles" in Annie last summer. "I really enjoyed working with you." We were finishing strike, standing with a custodian who previously worked at LHS and therefore knows me and my history (this community is stupid connected) and is a singularly expressive person who speaks her mind, regardless of the conversation that is happening. In short: she interrupts. And she's fabulous. She was extolling my virtues as a strong, "out of the box" thinker, told the music teacher my hair used to be rainbow colored (it was not) and how I have two middle fingers and a mohawk (metaphor) and I was laughing, delighted to hear her. She was always fun to listen to, she's older and cares not a lick for your judgment. I looked at the music teacher and said "I thought you hated me, I watered it down. You actually didn't meet me on this show." The custodian chimed in "I doubt that, we can see who you are." The music teacher added "You are bold, if that was watered down..."she smiles, and asks what we can do to make it better for the kids next year. I don't even know where I'm going to be next year, apparently it isn't Montana, but there are a lot of sweepstakes out there to enter daily.
One of the kids' grandparents made gumball and candy jars for the team---including props and costumes. What grandparent knows to think of tech? Guess which ones. Above is the photo.
Since Friday is closing, it's also payday. The beautiful bookkeeper handed me my check, and an additional check with Harper's name on it. I paused, "She volunteered, she makes bank as a massage therapist, it's fine."
"We had a little extra and we have to use it. It's not much, but we appreciate her. She didn't have to come in."
I'm frozen in place, mouth open. "Even if it's twenty five cents, it's kind. Why are you like this?" She just smiles.
Shit.
I look at the beautiful woman who is always so generous and kind, and I say in my best Al Pacino voice "The more I try to get out, the more you pull me back in."
She just smiles, because she doesn't know my mind, or what I've been thinking. "You can't leave us. We love you."
UGH.
This is why I'm like this....
No comments:
Post a Comment