Reality Shows

I actually sat and watched an entire episode of Honey Boo Boo yesterday, and I blame Eric. (He didn't give me permission to use his full name yet.)

You have likely discovered, after only a few blogs, that I am Quite Adept at blaming other people for the choices that I make.

Since you'll be hearing his name a lot, I thought you may need a bit of history on him. I will keep it brief, but meaningful. Eric graduated from LHS in 2008. He had cancer and traveled to NYC with me and 17 other students while undergoing chemo. He carried with him an envelope that said "Only Open If I'm Dying". He thought it was hysterical. He has choreographed  3 shows for me since graduating LHS, is a crazy talented animator, artist, gymnast, dancer and ariel fabric performer.

So it's okay to hate him. See how God gave him more talents than he gave us? He tried to equalize him by giving him testicular cancer, but NO, Eric was having none of that and kicked cancer's ass right outta town.

I ran when nobody was chasing me while Eric was in chemo, because he couldn't run and he really liked to run (and I am Terminally Incapable of gymnastics). I jumproped 200 times a day until both my knees seized up because Eric was making the cast of Legally Blonde do it, and as the director it seemed only fair that I should do it too.

Eric has a penchant for TLC reality shows. Most of them I will not watch, the commercials are enough. He loves Dance Moms and other such shows, and has been addicted to So You  Think You Can Dance since high school.  However he keeps raving about how fabulous Honey Boo Boo is and said that they are paid $20 grand an episode, yet still live in a shack and are fat. So I thought I'd give it a try.

I found myself enthralled, watching the entire episode. I have no idea how these people were located, or if they did pageants before TLC discovered them, or why they don't take the $20 grand per episode for one season, buy a better house without gnats in it, subscribe to Weight Watchers, invest in a dental plan and walk away. Maybe move to Beverly. Hills, that is.

There is no way these people are real. "Reality Show" cannot possibly mean "real people".

Harper, Genoa and I watched Wife Swap, and I sat through the entire episode yelling at the TV "There is no way that woman is real, nobody looks like that." It was an episode that swapped a New Jersey woman with a woman who lived off the grid in a cabin with no electricity. Genoa said "She looks like the He She in Shrek" and that only proved to me that the whole thing was a set up. Nobody Looks Like That, and she had clearly been created to resemble a cartoon character.She was also mean and rude and wore fur everywhere and said it takes her an hour and a half to get ready in the morning. Who has that kind of time? It takes me five minutes. Of course I look like it takes me five minutes, but who cares? Who am I trying to impress? If I thought someone would pay me $20 grand an episode I might consider taking more time to get ready. Or less time. Whichever was needed for the ratings.

A reality show about my life would not be nearly as exciting as the current shows. Who wants to watch me teach theatre? Or clean the house on holidays? HOWEVER, what if I did so dressed as a drag queen? Or blackened out a few of my teeth, wore a bath robe to work and said "ain't" all the time? AH! I know! I'll wear a wedding dress every day  and take the RTD to school  and sing "Delta Dawn" until someone calls TLC and then I'll make my fortune.

I can do that. I like wedding dresses!