Buckle Up Friends, It's A Long One. And not so much funny. I think this falls under "instruction".
I have been trying to get these kids to write their own stories for two years. Existing plays do not feed them the way they did in Littleton, and they want to tell their story, they just don't want to talk about it. They hide and won't get on stage, afraid to be seen, yet won't stop talking or get off their phones. It's a vexxing dynamic, and I still don't know how to deal with it. So. When it came to Advanced Performing Arts class, I decided to just bully forward and Do Theatre, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.
So I came in this year like a wrecking ball and said "We're writing. It may not work, and if it doesn't we'll do Our Town." I wasn't kidding, I figured it was easy to stage without a set and they read it last year. But after the shooting last year and the shit show that the entire school year bestowed upon us, I yelled "I can't believe you don't want to discuss this, but I know you want to discuss this. So we're gonna. Start writing."
Exposition
Two years ago when we were online, Jovan Mays did a very impactful workshop with these kids when they were sophomores and freshmen. That same year, we had a computer media teacher who had her kids write monologues, and asked my kids to perform them on video. Then last spring my Innovative IB kids (we rechristened the class when 13 AUT/SSN kids were added) wrote and performed a piece of theatre inspired by Theatre of the Oppressed. The writer of that piece, who was not even enrolled in the class, is an APA kid who just loves theatre. She was the driving force behind it. I knew instantly that they were ready to write.
Now, they don't want to talk about the shooting. Which is fine. So Step One was to assure them that we were writing Jovan's prompts to get them juiced up and used to telling stories in general. We kept the lockdown as the location, as the kids from last year fell in love with Come From Away, which we watched at the end of the year. So my proposition was this: you can write about the shooting without writing about the shooting. Is The Breakfast Club about detention? Is Come From Away about 9/11? Let your voice be heard without fear. That unlocked 20 free writes beginning "When they find me...." from 23 enrolled students. Step one complete.
I assigned the head writer, Gen, who was the writer on TOP in IIB last year, with a new underclassman as her cowriter. Without the experience, he quickly became overwhelmed and I asked him to be the copy editor, which he did-ish. He's easily overwhelmed, so I wrote the structure and scenes as necessary. I said loudly "We are not doing an hour of monologues, friends, the audience will hate us." So I had Gen distill all the stories into 'categories'.
They boiled down to: sexism and sexual assault with a dating addendum, racism, family issues, anxiety/stress, homophobia, and the fact that the shooting itself was largely ignored by admin and the district. Kids were left with "Get help if you need it, but go to class and Do The Things", and there was nothing polarizing event or mindset in the building to bring them together as a community after the shooting. It was also clear that nobody was going to talk about it, or take steps to keep our kids safe from those who choose to drive here with guns. They just locked us in the building under the guise of "closed campus". So. Step two complete. They were writing.
Gen then combined monologues into similar stories, creating characters as she went. Two students took the dating idea, which came out of a very serious sexual assault story, and turned it into something less traumatizing, and more "teenagery". The two students wrote their scene and back story, then I took over mixing in the monologues and adding the lockdown location. Their story ended up exploring homophobia and anger, which may or may not have been their intention. We put them in the science classroom, where I added a teacher and two other characters for comic relief and logic. Science classroom: just the facts
Gen placed the sexual assault stories in the girls' bathroom. They were all still just monologues, so I encouraged her to add some kind of activity. We're limited in a lockdown, but I told her that last year, Rosie and I heard there were tunnels under the school, and decided that was a great way to explore getting the actors on their feet and focused on something. I worked with her to break up the monologues into dialogue, and she finished it out. It's the heart of the play. Girls' bathroom: all of the feelings.
We decided the third location would be the stage. Since several of the students in class were on stage for the lockdown with me, it made sense. It also gave us a release, a place for actors to move and play, breaking up the intensity in the other rooms. The actors in this scene improv'd a structure I gave them, and came up with the ideas we used. Because one of the "when they find me" pieces was purely fiction, based on a girl being interrogated for a crime she did not commit, we struggled to find a place for it. We decided it fit in the theatre, because they were creating pieces to act out, anyway, to distract themselves from the lockdown. This is the scene were the kids and the characters are most closely aligned, since they wrote the scene after the "When They Find Me" writing exercise. It allows them to play off of each other, but challenges them to create a character that is not themselves, exactly, but self adjacent.
Step 3: check.
Now we have a structure and characters. We went through and adjusted the scene order, then sent the script to admin and counseling. I had informed the principal on the first day of school that we were writing an original piece, and counseling had reached out. So, I sent everyone the script and we started rehearsing.
I opened a relationship with Ovation Players in Evergreen last spring. We borrowed costumes for Addams Family from Center Stage, and when I returned them, the costumer invited us to come perform on their stage. It's a long drive, and I put her off, not intending to follow through. Then at a Thespian meeting, I mentioned the opportunity, and they pushed me to get in touch with CS. We didn't have a product at the time, but we were working on this original piece about the shooting...and they signed us up. 2 October we brought scenes from the show, our top choir "One Voice" and our drag queen for a performance. We drove up at 11 a.m. so the kids could explore Evergreen and our drag queen could get ready. We had no idea how many people to expect, or what their reaction would be, but damn, they were excited. They all wore their rehearsal blacks and had a great time. They trundled to downtown evergreen and found a pumpkin patch. I made sandwiches and bought pizza. Super Cute.
After the Evergreen performance, the kids listened to audience members in the lobby. We had about 40 people in attendance. Maybe 15 were from Hinkley. The rest were from the neighborhood in Evergreen, or patrons of CS. Here's what we heard repeated:
"I can't believe how willing these kids are to share their stories."
"These kids are so talented."
"Wish we had this kind of diversity up here."
"I love that you have a drag queen and she's 'yours'."
"Thank you for coming up here. When is your show? I want to come see it."
Turns out, this was a much needed and unexpected Step 4. Getting them in front of an audience was everything. Do I need to mention that the Evergreen audience was 100% white and the mean age about 60? The only people of color were our people from Aurora.
Ok.
Amid all of this, we had to audition for RENT, the spring musical, so we can start rehearsals as soon as this show comes down. (Which at the time, did not have a name). The cast list caused an unfortunate issue and we lost a class member. So the bathroom scene had to be recast, and we discovered we actually didn't have the actors who were cast at every rehearsal. Due to volleyball, family obligations, etc, we had been "rolling through" class members in almost every role at rehearsals. Without realizing it, we were creating a community of people who could step in and do any role. It helped that cell phones are part of the blocking, so anyone subbing in a role they've not done before, can be on book and nobody really notices.
HMMM. Interesting. Not ideal for a polished final production, but, is that what we're going for?
Before Evergreen, I was called into the principal's office. This is not a good look for me, but as it turns out, it is a regular one- the principal didn't understand that in August, when I told her what we were doing, we were going to do it. She was expecting me to check in before we wrote the script. Her central concern was that this play would show the school in a "bad light". She indicated that I had withheld information, and even suggested that I had gone "rogue". Because this is not my first rodeo, I recorded the conversation and stayed calm. I only mention it here, because this is when I found out we almost lost the show. She was going to shut us down, but didn't. Not because of me. Not because I put up the 'hawk and fought. We have a show because of counseling.
Our counseling department circled us like a wagon train. They are why we have a show.
One of our counselors even attended Evergreen and took notes, reporting back to the other counselors. In support. She wasn't spying: she was there on our side.
Gobsmacked doesn't even begin to express my feelings.
The Added Step 5 was to give class over to counseling for a day. They reassured the kids that their voices are valid, and they should be heard. The AP came with them and sat in the circle. The kids explained their process, their feelings. Counseling listened and shared their own issues surrounding the shooting. It was awesome.
We were told by the AP that they want to invite the mayor of Aurora and the superintendent to attend the show. That's how important they think it is.
Ummm...breathe...
A Nasty Unexpected Turn
We also had auditions for RENT in the middle of this, as I mentioned, and lost a class member. Since the class does the musical and the fall show, we audition really early to give time to teach. It's a bit stressful, but what in theatre is not? I've been doing this for 20 years-not the class doing the show part, but the teaching and directing part. All kids have been taught to be respectful with a cast list, and behave professionally. We had the talk in class and of course it's different when it's your class and not just after school. A student did not get a lead. To be fair, the seniors all wanted leads in RENT but they all can't sing. They're getting better, but if you are out sung at an audition it doesn't matter how far you've come, you've been out sung. She reacted poorly, aided by painkillers for a recent surgery. Like I said, in 20 years I've never had this happen. It was unfortunate.
She returned to school the following Monday.
She has not been seen since.
She dropped the entire class.
Scene.
Step 6 is to finish the set...
We are two weeks out of production. The set is incomplete but so what. We're putting the audience on stage and building "classroom walls" around them so they feel immersed. We're closing the house. These ideas came from the set designer, the only other adult around the show. The kids embraced the idea with such enthusiasm that ten of them showed up for tech on Saturday.
We have no budget at all. We're reusing flats for which I am grateful. It took weeks to build those flats and braces with Zach last year, and now they're useful! We're making walls out of the leftover foam from Addams Family , we have no ladder or table saw and I had to buy screws and glue, but OK. We can do this. We always do. I always do. We always do.
Also the district is rewiring the wireless fire alarms, and have chosen now to rip everything out of the theatre. One day I had no sound. Another, no lights. Long, long story as I spent my day fixing issues I did not cause, and talking to every administrator to ask permission to contact a professional, because A) Nobody is in charge of our theatre and B)Nobody is in charge of our theatre, yet I'm the one using it. Between the alarms, the botched renovation in 2019 and rewiring the wireless network, nothing has consistently worked since I arrived in January of 2020.
The design includes putting the audience on stage instead of in the house, creating both an immersive and 'trapped' feeling, and limiting seating. We weren't going to sell more than fifty seats a night, anyway, their projection is hideous and it feeds the themes of the show to do it. So against my instincts, I leaned into the building mantra "Meet the kids where they are" and said, OK, fine, we're on stage. Thematically we can make it work, but you still need to project, the set is upstage and enclosed at the apron but the booth is still at the back of the house. Dude. Project.
AND THEN YESTERDAY I got an email from the AP asking for curtain time because the mayor of Aurora has confirmed he will be there...so I added a performance Thursday, because if he's coming, others will follow and we'll need the additional performance. I'm trying to push kids' families into the Thursday, that way it's still like a preview.
I'm panicking. Should we have added a weekend since we have limited seating? Will we still only have ten people show up each night? Why isn't the superintendent coming? Will I get in trouble if the mayor comes and not the superintendent? AND the mayor wants to do a talk with the kids after the show during the school day, in class. What...what?....what.
Monday 24 October
Well, so much for panic. four actors are missing today for various BS reasons. So we're running hell week with the student director playing three roles. They don't deserve the attention this show is going to get. Grumpy.
Tuesday 25 October
The sound board is dead. Yesterday we discovered that when they rewired the fire alarm, they did so using the same portal as the sound board. So we can get the board on, but it does nothing, the speakers don't work. They also left wires hanging out. And stomped around the cats so we have to refocus the lights. It's fine, we don't have anything else to do, it's fine, let us clean up after you. We're putting the audience on stage, and need to mike two of the rooms for light changes, as he can't hear all the way back in the booth because they have decided not to project. So that'll be cool if we can't mike it. Guess the lights will change when he guesses they should. Even if these kids could project well, it'd be a struggle to hear them from so far upstage. But they do not project, so the SM can't hear anything, he doesn't even know if they're talking. So that's super cool too. I love that they do as they are asked when we do warmups and I tell them to project, and then don't when we rehearse.
Since nobody is in charge of the theatre and it seems to be falling down, clearly someone was in here over fall break, I emailed all the AP's, the principal's secretary and the building tech guy:
"Good morning. Our sound column has been moved and unplugged. We put it back, plugged it in and reconnected power to the sound board. We now cannot get any sound through the speakers. It's clear the fire alarm guys were here over break, as we have sawdust on the stage and exposed wires in the house and the proscenium. Please advise."
In response I received this from the principal's secretary:
"I will look a the camera video and see who was in the theatre."
I shrug. Nobody was in the theatre but the fire alarm guys, but enjoy yourself.
An hour later I received a call in my room. This the exchange between myself and the principal's secretary. She called my classroom halfway through my planning period.
"Hi there, so I have Chris on the phone from Equalizer (the guys who fixed the sound install from the renovation) he says he sees this a lot with the fire alarms, he can fix it over the phone. Can you go to the booth and talk to him on the phone and he'll walk you through it?"
"No."
Silence. She is not used to me saying no. I feel compelled to explain.
"This is my planning period. And I'm not the TD. We don't have a TD. Remember that I've been complaining about that since January of 2020? So no."
"Ok, I'll see if (building tech guy) can do it." It should be noted that "The Building Tech Guy" deals with IT and Chromebooks. He is not a theatre technician, a sound technician or a person with a theatre back ground. Yet he's the boss of the movie screen and the projector in the theatre, and turns on mikes for faculty meetings. And by that I mean he turns on the board, and when the mikes don't work he walks away, and I go up there and fix it. Or I did. Once. Not my problem, I make the AP do it now.
"Good, " I say, trying not to sound like a dick, "Do that. 'Bye."
To be fair, I am usually very nice to this person, and I know she just wants to help. She knows nobody's in charge, nor will they let me be in charge. But...I'm not an electrician or sound technician, and it's my planning period, and I'm done with this situation.
Two hours later, I enter the theatre to find our building tech guy in the theatre with Chris from Equalizer Productions.
Clearly nothing got fixed over the phone. The building guy looked at me and said "It's the wireless and the fire alarm."
Which is what I said when I sent the email. Sayin'. Fun Fact: the day we returned to the building in August, the lights and board were dead. I spent two days trying to get someone out to look at it. Once the professionals arrived, they spent hours unable to diagnose the issue, and finally determined that the fire alarm wireless install, plus reinstalling the wireless network, was interfering with our transmitter. He said they're seeing it a lot in schools who are rewiring their fire alarms.
A conversation I've been having with myself since leaving Littleton goes like this: I hate high school theatre, why do I do this? I should've just finished my masters and did community college. It wouldn't have paid well, but I wouldn't have known because I would not have ever been a high school teacher and learned about pay scales.
26 October
I have been playing email tag with the teacher, parents and student who I've invited to do the show with us. He is in AUT and was in IIB last year. I literally had to hunt him down, as he is not in any of my classes this year. It's been weeks of labored exchanges, and he will finally be at rehearsal today.
Counseling stopped into class today to check in. Nobody wanted to talk, so I sent a student to chat with them so they didn't feel like it was a wasted visit. On stage we threw verbs, learned how to mark beats and revisited acting, as they've decided in addition to not projecting, they will not be acting, either. Just saying lines. Trauma. Likely that's it. That's my current theory. Of course if I had a full cast, ever, at rehearsals, we could work on this stuff together.
Some rando with a beard and tattooed neck showed up about 5 pm during tech. He introduced himself as the foreman doing the fire alarm installation. I told him he screwed up both my lights and sound (accurate) and he proceeded to tell me that he told them how it worked and he knew "My guy installed it backwards" and I was thinking "You told who? Nobody told me." Instead I pointed out that I had no idea that "his guy" installed it incorrectly, and because it was a sound issue, we called the sound guy and had to pay him to come out and untangle it. Wouldn't it have been good for me to have the name and number of the district guy who is in charge of the fire alarm install, the one who knows what's going on, since he works for the district and did the work? Hmmm. Told him to leave his card in the booth so I could contact him. He did not leave his card in the booth. So. I got that going for me. I think he said his name was Ted. All I know for sure is that he has neck tattoos and a beard.
27 October
Well, whatever they did with the fire alarm last night did not effect our lights. There are still wires hanging out of the house walls and the proscenium, so that's cool.
Our autism friend who we call "Our Friend Emmanuel" because there is another Emmanuel on the show, was such a great addition to the show last night. He knows his lines. The kids welcomed him into their stage scene, included him, made sure he has a costume...All Of the Things. I'm not crying you're crying.
28 October
Today's shit show opened with an administrator telling me I have to strike my set for class meetings. Here is how I replied after "no".
* This play has been on the calendar since May. I was here first.
*The set is drilled into the stage.
* This is my classroom, nobody asked me if they could use it. I had to find out by accident earlier this week.
* You scheduled your meeting a week before opening night, why would the stage be clear?
*I talked directly to the teacher actually running the meeting, who knows about the set and can work around it.
* All of this boils down to "Your inability to plan ahead is not cause for me to panic".
Scene.
31 October
Welcome back.
This morning the stage manager informed me that one of the actors cannot Do the show Wednesday or Saturday. Due to her work schedule. She's had this calendar since August, and has missed fully half of rehearsals for volleyball. So I suppose it's no surprise she cannot do the show. Which has a preview Wednesday and closes Saturday.
Good thing I've been subbing people in her role for three weeks, huh?
This, this is why these people cannot support a theatre program.
There are two other actors who won't be here today or tomorrow, final dress rehearsals. Final. Dress. Rehearsals. Can't Be Here. Know who can? Our Friend Emmanuel. And everyone else who have been rehearsing for a month.
I am writing this down, as I am going to quit. I dragged both shows last year across the finish line. Kids who were in them learned, and are not a problem on this show. But I can't retrain this deeply every single year.
How do you not know you have a show?
How did you sign a contract promising that the show takes priority?
Nobody wants to work to build a program.
I am not a kid who gives up easily, but I don’t think anyone would blame me for throwing in the towel. I'm sick to death of people celebrating that we endure these shit shows in education. Nobody should have to, and we should stop. If we all quit, the schools would close. The millennials are saying "enough, and opting to focus on themselves and they can, because we're still running things. They aren't wrong, stop shitting on them for wanting a better life. You're just pissed that they had the guts do stand up and you continue as a microscopic cog in a catastrophic plan. I love that line... If we stopped as well, things might actually change. But we are not like that. We're latchkey kids with a crippling sense of responsibility to others.
1 November
Without hesitation, I will share that I shamed the above mentioned actor into doing the show Wednesday and Friday. She honestly does not understand how shows work, and I again question what is actually in the water in Aurora.
I walked my Acting 1 class through the set choices just now. They know about the show, and it's never a bad day to have themes and symbols explained in a set design. They're coming tomorrow for the free preview. Hoping it works out. One of them admitted to being "Low key excited" to see the show. EDIT only one of the Acting 1 kids attended, and did so because her sister works for the City of Aurora. I told you they were all coming, right?
I had to get off of Facebook, which didn't help. Thescon sent me an update and a Littleton kid is in the opening number. Looking at the schools the kids came from, none are Aurora or DPS other than DSA. One or two up north. Mostly Cherry Creek, all white. Sigh. Immmma go with no Aurora kid actually auditioned for the opening number. It takes nothing to torpedo me. The last three years are really weighing on me. Literally, I weigh 230 pounds, the most I've ever weighed and I can't seem to shake it.- I need a Genie. Or Jeannie. Crystal ball. Something to direct me, 'cause I am lost as lost can be.
2 November
So remember how I may have neglected to mention that the district is rewiring all the fire alarms, and doing such has caused my lights and sound to fail at different times? Well, they showed up yesterday at 4 pm while I was getting ready for a final dress rehearsal. They just bullied in with all their equipment. I stopped the foreman with the neck tattoo and asked why he was here during a final dress. I met him last week and he knows we have a show. He bragged about being a Thespian in high school.
He acted like he didn't know we had a show. There was an impasse. I realized he didn't fully remember talking to me last week. He reintroduces himself. He is not Ted as I thought. He is Tony. Tony again promises to leave a card. Again. Then he informed me that they are doing the work according to the state and district directive, and if I had any issues I would be told to "fuck off" by the state of Colorado. His exact words. There was another impasse. While they were working--in the catwalks, messing up the light focus which we have to now redo, leaving sawdust which we have to sweep and leaving the ladder up without striking it, but that's OK, we'll do it--the projectors and screen all came on. We did not touch them. In fact, I don't go near the screen, as there is a long story of me getting blamed for the previous screen's demise. The thing cost ten grand to replace and I will be charged if anything happens to it.
Yet, I was in the booth with a student and another teacher, touching nothing, when the screen began to descend. Had our set been a few feet farther downstage, the screen would have crashed into it. I yelled into the cats and it magically ascended back into the flies. And again, I'm left aghast, again, that we get yelled at by the superintendent for not renting out our theatre, yet I can't manage to get a small fall show up without the sky falling. You want to rent our theatre? Pay a technical director to run it. Why was the alarm rewiring scheduled the week of my show? Because nobody checked our calendar. So. You wanna rent it? Hire someone to run it. And you're welcome for my being here to stop the screen from crashing. Scene.
3 November
Alllrighty friends. We lived through the preview last night, no fire alarms, no mikes popping, no cast missing. I'm exhausted and watching "No Day But Today", the Jonathan Larson/RENT biography, slamming coffee and ignoring my classes. I've had enough show openings to know not to plan any direct instruction on show week. :)
Five of the fifteen in the audience last night were counselors. They kept me after the show to express how speechless they are. There are a lot of words when people are speechless. But it was great. I was not great. I am tired. I was grumpy. Yes, the kids '"wrote" it but the bulk of the work was on me, and I'm over it. They want to tell the world how great the show is. We invited the superintendent and his assistant---crickets. But the mayor is coming. They suggested I invite our interim principal's boss, who I do not know and it didn't occur to me to invite her. Sent her an email just now. I can't get my hands on any Genesius medallions, I thought I'd be clever and change the tradition and use Janus masks. But the ones I ordered, that arrived last night, are teeny tiny flimsy charms, not pendants. So shit. I'll call the Catholic store in Wheatridge and see if they have 30 medallions. If so I guess I'll schlep out there before call. Whoot.It's not hilarious that after 20 years I still can't manage to get medallions before the show. I was able to get some in bulk online early for Rumors, but I can't get any of the catholic websites to work for me. So. I assumed Genesius was over, and figured I could do Janus...but nope.
I tried to order from three different Catholic stores online for a week. For some reason the websites wouldn't work. Just now I got one to work. So they'll get their medallions in 10 days. Great. I'm doing great. How're you?
Fun fact, I've eaten an entire bag of Payday candy bars over the last two days. Snack size.
4 November
The show opened last night. All kinds of problems with the house, but whatever. My favorite part was being given notes by a parent who couldn't see well due to the student not opening the curtain fully. It happens, friend. The show isn't perfect. We're not playing the Shubert, friend.
But I'm exhausted. I had to direct, and write and play, produce and teach and it was more than I've done in a minute. Turns out I'm actually pretty lazy. I don't like having to work this hard.
And now we're sold out...I have to try and figure out a way to shove more chairs on stage, as I am not the boss of my own box office. So the ticketspigot did not get shut down, and she sold 36 tickets, while I have 10 comps on the books and 40 seats. UGH. A good problem to have, but one I would not have if I was the boss of my own box office. UGH.
The AP just came in to encourage me to contact a mom's against gun violence group but we're sold out so I dunno what good that would do. Why am I contacting them? To tell them we're doing a play and we're sold out? I'm so tired. I wonder if what she was saying made sense. She brought yellow roses and orange ribbons (they are for protesting gun violence I guess, who knew) for the kids. Cool. Pretty.
5 November
Well shit, that was a lot of preparation for nothing. We oversold the house since I'm not the boss of the tickets, panicked, crammed 56 chairs in there, and had 6 people not show up. So I looked pretty stupid.
Counseling wanted us to extend, but there is no way. Half the kids took time off of their jobs to do this and must return next week. The others need to do their homework. FAIR. So tonight is closing. Hope it's a real sell out, not like last night. UGH. Though the Mayor is coming tonight, so that's a whole thing.
I'm creepily writing as the show is going on. 46 in the house tonight, it's comfortable since we set for 56. The principal showed up but is leaning against the proskene wall. The thespian president is coming apart, he's been struggling the last two nights, something is NOT OK in his life and he is not handling it, he's missing lines all over the place. It could also be his entire family PLUS the mayor of Aurora is here. I hear he wants to come back next week to talk to the kids during class, but maybe he won't after seeing it.
I'm going to end this.
I hope you feel informed and maybe a little entertained. And I hope you opened a bottle of wine and read it in chunks.
Thank you.
