My buddy Will died at 52.
In that span of time, he wrote 154 sonnets and 39 plays. Yes, 39, I believe Pericles, Two Noble Kinsmen and Edward III should be included.
Mr. Albee died at 88. He wrote his first play for his 30th birthday. He had three Pulitzers, a Kennedy Center Lifetime Achievement and two Tonys for playwriting plus one lifetime achievement. He also deeply impacted my psyche, and he is the one I blame for becoming a teacher. Not a playwright, a teacher.
Tina Fey was head writer at SNL at 29.
And that's all I'm listing because she was young and I'm depressed.
I am 60.
I do not have the talent of those I admire, nor do I have the drive to "achieve my dreams".
I never had any dreams. Dreams mean expectations, and those only leave you full of anxiety in a snow storm when your dad runs out of gas because he never planned ahead.
I remember thinking vaguely that I could go to New York and Do The Things when I was younger. Then I realized Do The Things meant spending all of my money on dance and voice classes, an agent, time off my paying job to go to auditions and living with six other people in a one bedroom in Astoria.
Teaching was something to do because I had failed at running a theatre and I could get insurance. I had failed as a playwright. I had failed as an actor.
Teachers teach because they failed at The Thing they are teaching. I fit that horrible stereotype.
I hear Saleri in my head daily now, "I'm slowing watching myself become extinct."
I decided to teach because I could do it while I took a class and was mentored while I was teaching, which was the only way it was going to work. When I called around, even with my BA they were gonna make me teach for free (student teaching) before getting my license. So I found a way around the side door, through MSU. All you have to do is get hired by a school willing to let you teach while you learn. Which I did. And it was the hardest thing I had ever done up to that point in my 37 years.
I did it, and just four years later Jim lost his entire career, and the bottom fell out of the economy. The Recession. My job couldn't keep us afloat--we had to borrow money from his dad so we didn't lose the house. That plus cashing in all of his retirement. For which we are punished every year by paying too much in taxes and not getting a refund. Because How Dare You take your retirment money out early to save your ass in the moment. You will be punished for a recession that you did not cause. Those who did cause it got bailouts.
It'll happen again. Gas prices and grocery prices have us stretched to the max, as we also help out the kids who have real, full time careers and still cannot pay rent and make their car payments because Fuck You Americans, the billionaires need more tax cuts.
But I digress. Shocking, I know.
60.
I had no intention of living this long and it sucks.
I'm tired of living through the same fucking history because only geeks like me paid attenion in class and learned.
I'm tired of "teaching" people who have techno brain damage. That's real, not slander. Kids can't concentrate, think around problems or remember anything.
I'm tired of colleagues half my age who believe they are entitled to a work life balance.
I'm tired of amin half my age who believe they have new ideas.
I'm tired of parents who shuffle off their feral children to school and then refuse to answer the phone when we call because their kid flipped a table/started a fight/refused to attend class.
We are not supposed to live past 50.
Our bodies used to tell us that, before medical breakthroughs enabled the reanimated corpse brigade currently hogging political office.
Mamdani is just a guy with a moral compass and a uniquely well adjusted world view. We don't like that here, we're 'merican and we don't do empathy. Or have a moral compass. Or consider views outside of our own. So cearly he must be....A Communist!
Because we didn't pay attention in government class and missed out on the real definition of communism and the historic examples of Why It Has Never Worked. We also ditched lang arts when we did close readings, and missed the many printed interviews where Mamdani openly identifies as a Democratic Socialist.
But you go ahead and waste your time and energy on hate. It's what you do best.
I still have one friend who fires on the right side of the spectrum, god bless him. He posted a meme blaming Biden for the Spirit airline bankruptcy. Because the Biden admin denied a merger with Jet Blue. Two years ago. Ummm...kay. I'll be over here in reality with Aaron Parnas, you enjoy your looney snack time. Would you like to blame Biden for the rising cost of gas and lack of fertilizer for planting as well?
Y'all don't get to continue to point out "Sleepy Joe", who had cancer, and ignore or blow off The Orange Buffoon napping during every single cabinet meeting. Biden was shoved into the job simply to block Trump, as the democrats were shitting their pants instead of backing a viable candidate. They don't have anyone like Trump and this is a GOOD thing.
I'm 60 and annoyed that nobody seems to have learned anything in the last...60 years. I can't imagine being 80 and watching this shit show. Knowing you fought for civil rights. Your friends were beaten and killed defending other people's right to vote and use a public restroom and attend school with white folks. Your mom fought for the right to vote---also beaten and jailed. You may have been a woman who got married because that's the only option you had, only to be trapped financially, unable to earn your own money, open your own bank account or get a credit card.
Why are women the target? Why are black folks the target? Why does our government hate us?
More soon...
