I rushed into the theatre when the lockdown announcement came, running from the office and through the choir room, because I knew there were kids in the theatre. When I arrived, M said clearly, eyes wide "We shut all the doors, kmart. We didn't know if we should try and find you, so we shut all the doors." I said "You're definitely Aurora kids." Which made her smile, but was unsettling on every level.
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The second or third time the principal came on, he sounded annoyed. I think kids were running out every door instead of obeying the lock down. His subtext was "I SAID lockdown, people and I meant it. Do not make me turn this school around...." which is funny/not funny as our school is, in fact, in turn around. I laughed at his tone, anyway.
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The kids were in the theatre during lunch rehearsing for cabaret that night. Once everyone was relatively comforted and had located their friends and texted family, they said "So I guess cabaret is canceled tonight?" I shrugged "Anyone feel like coming back here tonight?" They shook their heads. "Then it's canceled." Fifteen minutes later, I received an email from the district that all after school events had been canceled. I read it to the kids. We all had a chuckle. "Way ahead of you, buddy."
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"It's technically not a school shooting. Those are white kids inside the school. This was outside the school..." I said to nobody as I watched students' lives change forever.
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The kids on stage were watching snapchats and reading tweets from kids in the parking lot. One was of one victim, in a white shirt, covered in blood, his buddy trying to apply pressure. Student A said "That's my math partner. Guess I don't have a math partner any more. Hey kmart, do you think my math teacher will give us an extension on the quiz due today?"
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When we came off of lockdown into secure perimeter, the kids immediately started singing "When You're An Addams" and doing their choreography. Because that's how theatre kids process trauma. I texted a friend "We've reached the musical theatre portion of the lockdown." The random kids who had been pulled from the front of the school and the lobby, and then thrown into the theatre, sat silently in the house. Theatre kids are weird, and we have proven it yet again.
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When we realized, after an hour, that we could be here multiple hours, we started strategizing where in the theatre we could pee. We were not allowed in the halls. The semi permanent band sub who was stuck with us said brightly "Which part of the stage do you care less about?" We laughed.
The same sub received a text from her father "I saw your car on the news."
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When the Aurora police banged on the door of the theatre and said "Aurora police, we're coming in" I answered "Thank you, Aurora police." Because theatre.
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When I left, I drove straight to the pub. I hadn't spoken to anyone outside the building all day. When the bartender asked how my day was, I laughed and said "Watch the news". She said "My God, I know right, what the hell is going on?" I took my beer and said "I work there." When I returned later to settle my tab, she quietly told me she had bought my round.
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I’m taking a CLDE class. Nothing is due right now, the assignment is in process, but I’ve been struggling. Today I tried to work on it, only to be embattled emotionally.
Nobody is OK. I process by writing. Nobody said you have to read it.
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