Fiction: Reason #23-

     I teach math in a private high school. It's a middle/high, grades 8 through 12, but I only teach high school.

    I am also an actor.

    I have done musicals all over town, much to the joy of my students, parents and administrators. 

    I love my job. 

    I love being an actor.

    I have no interest in teaching acting, or theatre, I think I would start to hate it. I don't want to teach it to people who don't love it as much as I do. I do that already with math, which I do not love but I do respect.

    All of my theatre gigs went dark during Covid, I was thrilled to be cast in a play and get back to my love. Last night, I opened the first show I have acted in in two years. It seems to be well received, we had reviewers last night. My director just emailed me the review. I sat and read it at lunch just a minute ago. Absolutely glowing, praise for the entire production. I take all review with a grain of salt, but now I think the praise is even louder, the word choice stronger, and I swear they are no longer criticizing the shows, they're celebrating them!

    I just spent almost two years learning every platform known to man to teach my own classes and to attend masters classes. I returned to my building knowing that we were not going to be shown the same "grace" that we are expected to show our students. When I pointed out this inconsistency to my AP, I was told "You're an adult. You can handle it."

    My husband and I had many discussions during what he called 'The Lockdowns', regarding my retirement plan. I openly owned my own mental health crisis, and together we came up with a strategy. We decided that, when the theatres reopened, I would not take the next sugary musical that was offered to me, but look for a play more meaningful. Something to feed my psyche.  This sounds like it would be the opposite of what a teacher needed after such a devastating experience. You would think I'd rather to a comedy, or a silly musical. But I've always been a fan of the Absurdists, and when I can't get my hands on a Beckett, I am drawn to dark realism.

    So when auditions for Bent were announced, it was a no brainer. I have loved every second of this soul ripping drama. Every solitary phrase. It forced me to look at an event worse than what I had lived through, and to attach my own experiences as a gay man. Opening night was not just an opening performance for the audiences, but for all of us on the show. We've been changed on a molecular level. The director has walked with us every moment of the way, supporting our journeys with empathy, and the passion of a man who needs to tell this story.

     I was sitting here ruminating on the last rehearsal, not paying attention to my screen, when an email popped up from my principal.My evaluations are all up to date, there is no reason for her to contact me. I clicked on it

        "Mr. M. It has come to my attention that you are in a theatrical production. Please see Mary to schedule an appointment with me to discuss this."

    I would be lying if I said I didn't see this coming.

   Maybe I chose the show on purpose.

    I did not invite my students, clearly the show is too intense for them.

   But as an actor, I do not want to spend my life doing shows that I find unfulfilling.

    As an administrator, she has no right to tell me what I can and cannot do outside of school.

    What surprised me was this: I was not upset. For the first time in two years, I do not feel anxiety about a decision.

    I will not be making a meeting appointment. I will ignore her email and do my job.

    If she wants to come down here and talk to me, that's her choice.

    Or better yet, come see the show. Talk to me after.