This Is Why I'm Like This: The Last Week Of School

    5.15 alarm.
    Snooze.
    5.20 alarm.
    Snooze.
    5.30 alarm.
    Snooze plus vulgarity.
    5.45 alarm.
    "Allright allright allright, sheesh."
    Go back to sleep.
    6 am alarm.
    Vulgarity. Ugh.
    Dump my body unceremoniously out of bed, almost fall. Knees are swollen. Old. Stumble down hall.
     Dog Food.
     Dogs out.
     Upstairs cat food.
     Start coffee.
     Shower...or not. Did I go to the gym last night? Nope? Score! No shower needed.
     Gel hair, brush teeth, spray delightful mango scent generously around circumference of body.
     Dogs in.
     Clothes? Oh man, renovation has everything in baskets...find a maxi skirt and mismatched top.
     Yogurt, Diet Coke, Atkins bar= lunch. Check.
     It's not even real yogurt, it's carb balance. Jim won't go anywhere near it.
     Mumble words like "Sorry I didn't walk you, I'll do it when I get home (this is likely a lie), I just need to sleep more, immmma go change lives, stay up here boys, I love you." If daughter is up, additional words "Take it easy today, have a good day at work, I love you..." to which she will snark "Stop talking to me right now."
     Go downstairs. Forward. Dick Van Dyke said so.
     Downstairs cat food. Scan floor for any dog poop, because it rained last night and they won't go out because they suck and I hate them. I hate everybody.
     Get in car.
     Where is my phone?
     Go back in house. Retrieve phone from bed. Kiss husband.
     "Have a good day, you look nice," he says.
     "You look nice too."
      Trip over dog who thinks I'm home after a long day.
      Back downstairs, cats think I'm feeding them again. They're dumb.
      Back in car.
      Where's my coffee....
      Back in house. Coffee is next to cat food on the hearth. I hate everybody.
      If I leave later than 6.30 I hit traffic. My 30 minute commute fifteen years ago is now 45 minutes. I did not move and I did not change jobs, EVERYBODY FREAKING MOVED HERE AND I HATE THEM.
      Switch from KOOL 105 to  SIRIUS XM 1st Wave, I have it programmed four times because every time I touch a button it programs the station on that button, so I have four SIRIUS XM buttons and three KOOL 105 buttons. I don't really understand my car radio, and there's a recall out on it, but after a month of trying to get Groove Subaru to care about my recall I gave up. But I doubt the recall has anything to do with my inability to program the stations.
     There was a shooting last week at a STEM school, but we're done talking about that I guess cause the conversation isn't easy any more now that they know the guns were obtained legally by the parents and were locked up, and the kid broke the lock. Also one of the kids was transgender. The conversation isn't so easy any more, in fact it needs to be a CONVERSATION not everyone throwing rocks on social media, which is what we prefer, but now it's hard so we just stopped talking about it.
     Depeche Mode tell me they just can't get enough.
     Not me, Depeche. I've had enough.
     I can't hear their name without thinking of the Dead Milkmen calling them "Depeche Commode".
     I laugh too loudly and say "Depeche COMMODE" while at the light. Then I start laughing again because it's a black commode that I visualize, clearly, not a white one. Why would I imagine any other color? And by the way, what happened to Depeche Mode, he looked like AJ. What happened to AJ? The sun is really gorgeous coming up, it's always a Bronco sunrise whether they suck or not. It's never a Nuggets sunrise, and why is the Nugget mascot a yellow panther?
      I was in class when the secure perimeter was called. 25 freshmen, all unfazed, taking a quiz on Romeo and Juliet. I looked at them and thought "and the band played on..."
      I need to call NelNet and switch the loan. I keep forgetting. Also go to Target and get a shelf, put up the hooks in the bathroom, get fake plants...the post renovation redecorating is slow since I didn't do a full purge before the ren. It causes me pain to use a landfill, but you can't give  half empty bottles of shampoo and towels the dog ate to the ARC. There's been a bathtub next to my trashcans since December.
     The principal came on to inform us about the secure perimeter, and said if anyone needed to go home, admin would let them out of the building even though it's locked. One kid laughed and said "Ya, I wanna go home."
     U2 is now on, Bono is yelling at the Red Rocks crowd "I'm so sick of it all."
     A kid laughed.
     What if I just didn't park where I am supposed to? What then? What if I flagrantly parked in front of the building and walked right through the front door instead of coming through the servants entrance? What then? I'm  here earlier than anyone else, nobody would know. Well the cameras would, I suppose.
      It's Monday, the shooting was last Wednesday. Nobody's talking about it any more.
      Park next to the counselor's truck, and leave a space next to me for Social Studies/Union Rep, as is our self assignment. Counselors aren't even counselors any more, they're admin. They couldn't help kids the day after the shooting because they had to administer the AP exams. Sit in my car. Let U2 finish. I wish I was back in Ireland. Wish I was Bono. Wish I wasn't here.
      DJ Bueller has mixed Love and Rockets next. Irony, coincidence or divine direction? "Ball of Confusion" is now on...recorded originally in 1971 by the Temptations, remade in 1985 by Love and Rockets because...well, because generationally the issues remain. And the band played on.
      Breathe.
      The band plays on.
      Gather my hippie bag, my Steppenwolf Theatre hoodie, phone and put keys with badge around my neck.
      As I get out of the car, I note a tag at the bottom of my skirt.
      I have it on inside out.
      One more week. Just one more week.


              Scene.