This Is Why I'm Like this:Theatre

 March 2015 Facebook post:

  My sister and I were out tonight, and as usual we were ranting against the education system... and so...
  There is a huge push to allow late work and soften deadlines, and to be rewarded for thinking about things that you cannot, actually, do.
  Theatre is doing.
  Theatre lives and dies by deadlines. The curtain goes up whether you’re ready or not. The Audience is not going to give you a “B” because you only knew 80% of your lines. They are not going to be forgiving if only 90% of the costumes are done. A deadline is a deadline or you’re dead.
  Colleges are graduating people with degrees in ENGINEERING who cannot identify a wrench, let alone use one ( true story). Because somewhere along the line education became about The Big Idea, which is great but nobody can DO anything. This is why I love theatre. She is not patient with those who wish to pontificate. Thinking about absurdism does not produce Waiting for Godot. Giving a presentation on how I imagine Beauty and the Beast does not produce Beauty and the Beast.
  Theatre is doing, and it’s doing everything. Analyze the script, research the story, build a believable character using different techniques, design and build a set, design and create lights, design and create costumes. ANDOHBYTHEWAY, we use math in those designs as well as saws, drills, carpentry, AMPS and WATTS, as well as programming a light board. We use sewing machines and patterns, alter and adjust for each actor. And in my case, we design on paper and build models, because I do not have access to any computer programs.
  We problem solve. How do you light 3, 8’ roses from behind when there is no grid behind the roses, and only wall dimmers?
  How do you get an 11’, 1100 pound plant on your stage that is only 12’ high with 8’ doorways?
  Problem Solve. Measure. Think around it. Figure it out.
  And do it fast, because we open in ten minutes.
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March 2019
  I came across this blog this week in my Facebook memory. I am now almost a year into being a full time language arts teacher, trying to convince myself that it's fine, I'm fine, stop looking at me I'm fine. I still teach at PAA two days a week, it's not like I don't do theatre any more, and I thought that would be fine. I know people who have day jobs and then do theatre as a hobby, and they seem fine. I figured I could follow that model.

   Lang arts means I'm no longer on the radar with admin, which is good. It means I just teach approved content and nothing else. I don't connect with the kids the way theatre allows. I'm told by my colleagues that I am connecting with kids, they "hear things", but I don't think I am, and that's what matters. What's best for students is teachers in love with their content. I see it more clearly now that I'm in a core and my colleagues are core teachers who love their subject.The issues are very different, because my kids have to be there. Even if it's an elective (I teach poetry) they still have to take four years of language arts. And since I'm not a lang arts teacher, they aren't getting excited or passionate about reading and writing because I'm not passionate about it.  I have writers I love that I'm passionate about, but it's work to  get them to read. I'm not trained for that. I can't convince a fourteen year old that Of Mice and Men matters. Not without a lot of waving my arms and reading to them, and stopping to point out symbolism and motif along the way. And then that question still lingers:Why did we have to read this? Why does it matter?

  Theatre kids want to read. They can't read enough, my play library was constantly ravaged by kids excitedly digging through the titles, holding them up every third or fourth asking "What's this one about?" They want to analyze the text because it gives them insight into the playwright, the design and how they will portray the character. My third year, I referred to my students as "Hungry, Hungry Hippos" because I was rapidly running out of new texts and exercises to feed them. They gobbled up Tennessee Williams in one gulp. They were slowed down by Shakespeare, but once they understood there was no stopping them, even when they realized it's much easier to analyze the plays on paper and think that you understand. There is an entirely different level to performance, and they ate it up,slowly with the proper silverware. They wanted to think AND do. I was completely flummoxed when nobody wanted to read in lang arts.

  I figured I would get around it by teaching plays, but the plays approved by the district at the 9th grade level aren't plays that inspire fourteen year olds. While I am certainly willing to teach Greeks all semester, they are not so much willing to read Greeks all semester. They even groan about Romeo and Juliet. Every time I introduce a book I get the same question "Is there a movie? Can we watch the movie?" I will allow them to see the film after we've read the book, because there is some validity to cementing their understanding of what they've read, and comparing what they thought the character would look like to how they looked in the film. Even then I get comments that frustrate me. For example: Of Mice and Men. There were way too many "Lennie wasn't big enough" comments,  and the unfortunate "Curly's wife is hot, can we watch her scene again?" and they're not willing to let go of that. They want to talk about other actors who are bigger, and who they would cast, and I lose control of the class. Sometimes the film is not close enough to the book, which is fine, that opens a screenwriting conversation with honors kids, but regular kids don't care, they just want to watch the next movie.

   Funny Moments That Happened During Of Mice and Men. To be clear, we read it in class and there were quizzes and writing prompts along the way.
   Watching the movie, one of my brighter scholars gasped: "Did he just kill the puppy? I'm sad." I just stared at this girl. Really? We read it, there was a question on the quiz about the symbolism of the puppy. You were here. Really?
   Quiz answers:
   Q: What happened to Candy's dog?
   A1: He ran away.
   A2: He got sick and died.
   A3: Which one is Candy?

   Sigh.

    I love to read, I was always a kid who read. I tore through every Nancy Drew I could get my hands on, and then Trixie Belden, because my mom had said "She was Nancy Drew for my generation." Nobody had to force me to read, and when Mrs. Bengle would read to us in 6th grade, I would check the book out of the library and read it again. Since I have no memory of  visiting a book store as a kid, I must have been snatching books and not returning them, because I remember clearly a book called A Detour For Meg that Mrs. Bengle read to us and that I had at home. I read it twice over the summer.

  I can argue for theatre in schools because I've seen it change lives. It hits every aspect of what is needed to become a human being. There is room for a kid who doesn't want to act. There is room for artists. For kids who write. The kid who likes to build stuff. The electronic bug.  I can argue these things are necessary for survival because they are.  Meeting deadlines. Team work. You will never regret your theatre class, and over the years, I meet people constantly who find out I'm a theatre teacher and tell me "I took theatre in high school, I loved it." They then proceed to explain which aspect of theatre they still use in their life.

  When I say I teach lang arts, I get a polite nod. Occasionally someone will recall a beloved lang arts teacher, or a text they loved,  but it isn't the universal gush of love I got with theatre.

   Writing -that upsets me even more, because I freaking loved my lang arts teacher in high school. She had just as much of an impact on me as theatre and music did, it was a trifecta for me. But I am not K. Starkey, and no matter how I try, I never will be. She loved literature, and she loved teaching lit and writing. That's the difference. Kids feel that. It feels like I'm doing these kids a disservice by not loving what I'm teaching them. I don't hate it, it's not like they made me teach math, which would have been a glorious debacle:"Let's write monologues about how much we hate math," and "If a quadratic equation were a character in a play, what would it represent?", and then we'd read Picasso at the Lapin Agile by Steve Martin, because math people get all  of the jokes. In fact, they had to explain them to me when I read the play. I love that play. But it's not approved by the district, so I can't teach it in lang arts...

  I've lost my thread again, shocking.

  Theatre is doing. I love teaching it because kids love doing it. I loved teaching tech in intro, because I would see it grab those kids who weren't into performance. Their eyes would widen at the bounty of opportunities offered to them through theatre. Every single kid would be engaged, 100%, in their intro final because there was something for everyone to do: write, direct, stage manage, design, act, run lights, run sound. Every single kid in the group had a specific role that they got to choose and have control over. You know how buzzwords emerge?  "Student Led" has never gone away, and that's how my theatre classes were run. By the time they were seniors, I was merely an adviser. I would joke that they were Lord of the Flies, which wasn't always that far off base or funny.

  You don't get that in lang arts, no matter what. They write and read, read and write. And nowadays...test test test test test test. My entire first two weeks of the semester were MAP tests and Lit Terms tests, and I had to test them the week after spring break, and next week is PSAT, SAT and whatever they're calling the state test now--is it still CMAS? I dunno. Sheesh.  Once those are finished, I have to give the MAP test and the Lit Terms tests again, to prove growth. Nobody gets standardized tests in theatre, we just do it because we love it. And as stated above, you are 'testing' in front of 500 people when the curtain opens. That's your test. Do it or don't do it, there is no try.

  The thing is, you have to read to be a better writer. They're not going to be better writers because they won't read. I have to read to them in class because they won't read at home ---I know, I tried it. Honors kids will, but they don't necessarily enjoy it. They're programmed differently, they want to go to college, so they do as they are asked. That is not instilling a love of reading by any stretch, that's compliance in the name of reaching a goal. But their writing is pretty good because they do read, whether they want to or not. It's the wanting to do it that I'm missing. It's not the IEP's or 504's or discipline issues solely, it's that nobody has passion for language arts. And if they did, I killed it with testing and content I'm not passionate about.

  And so, all in all, to sum up, I do not believe I am a very good language arts teacher and I miss theatre. I'm not immersed . I really miss being on my feet and changing directions, keeping everyone engaged. I miss the glitching light system, the speed bumps in the wings and watching kids rehearse on stage. I miss introducing tech and getting kids excited about the possibilities. I miss the excitement and frustration when they perform The Odd Couple  and two of their group members don't show up, but six other kids in class volunteer to fill in. I miss laughing out loud at their fairy tales and rejoicing as they demonstrate something they can do---that was a fun project, I always got food! I miss teaching them mime and how to be a believable zombie. I miss sitting in the house as they rehearse with my notebook out, planning what is next for Acting II, reviewing calendars, looking over designs or contemplating shows. I miss the look on their faces when they get to learn the light board, and the utter joy they experience when they understand the power they now have. I would always say "And the Lord said let there be light" and they'd turn up the lights. I miss the house, Maris (the stage's name), I miss starting my mornings with yoga. I miss the stupid ever glitching sound system, the terrible light angles, the perpetual  fussing at them to go clean the costume shop, why won't you clean the costume shop, I will flunk you if you don't clean the costume shop. I miss how cold it would get in the shop in the winter. I miss walking around Maris with a student designer, trying to troubleshoot. I miss the upperclassmen questions about their future. I miss Absurdism, Manners and Commedia. But mostly, I miss the kids. I miss theatre kids. They're different. And spending fourteen years with them ruined me for lang arts.

  I blame the kids.

  Scene.