Using Theatre To Fool Appraisers

   So we have embarked on a refinance journey. We are not people who are going to use the money to travel, or live our dreams. We are the people who are using it to pay medical bills, actually fix the house, and if we're lucky pleasegodplease, buy a new functioning car.
    But to get the refi, we have to have the house appraised. And see..well...ummm...the whole thing is that we didn't intend to do a refi 'cause we started ripping up the last two rooms ourselves. We got part way through the wood floors in the spare room----there was a blog, I'm sure---when we threw up our arms and decided to pay someone else to finish. Which means get a refi.
    Which means an appraisal.
     As you are close readers, you caught the phrase "ripping up the last two rooms", so you see what is coming. There is no floor in the master bedroom. Well, there's a sub floor and some throw rugs. Turns out, that's a problem. The appraisal will cost $500.00, and if they can't "finish" it because there is not a floor, they charge you to come back again. We asked our friend and Financial Guru and he said as long as we cover it, they'll never know. Cover it with what?
     Throw rugs.
     OK, that's not obvious or anything. Really? Mismatched throw rugs all over the floor? I may not be any kind of design person, but I am enough of a theatre person to blanche at the idea. And so I began to think...
       Theatre. It has to look good from the audience, only. What they cannot see does not exist.
       I could paint the sub floor with a wood pattern, but I'm not great at arting, and it would take longer than I have, considering teaching all day and two additional gigs two nights a week. Plus Harper has decided we do yoga, so that cuts into my floor time.
       I could buy 3 matching throw rugs and paint the floor between them. Nobody would know. But then I still have to paint the floor. And there are five cats and three dogs...that's going to go well. I did paint the sub floor white when we ripped it up, mostly to kill the smell. The carpet was...disgusting. 30 years old and the former  owners had small dogs,and we have dogs and cats. I'm shocked I did not have to be hospitalized. I wore a hazmat suit to do the tear out, and I could still feel the ruined carpet in my pores. So ya, I painted the sub floor to lay down a barrier. I kept hearing ALIENS in my head "Lay down a suppressing  fire with the incinerators!"
      So painting the floor to look like wood, or tile, is a great idea, but not one for me, kryssi, who does not paint beyond laying down a suppressing fore with the incinerators.
      Our Financial Guru friend came over to let us know how bad it actually is, and give us advice beyond "throw down rugs". So he came over, we made him a drink and he said lovely things about the general state of our home. He said the lack of doors were not problematic---did I mention we have no closet doors and two rooms are missing doors? We were really into it when the wood floor debacle occurred.  Anyway, we were worried no floor, no doors would be a problem for the appraisal. And we really need this,so we want to do whatever we can to hide the fact that we started and failed. Actually the lack of doors aren't a problem, just the lack of trim around one of the door frames.
       Then the master bedroom.
       Sub floor, painted white, a few throw rugs, dog toys.
       He said "throw some rugs down".
       UGH!!!
      I have to pull up the carpet tack trim around the edges because "That's a clue that there is no floor, he'll see that." But he won't see that the mismatched rugs are covering a sub floor?
      Then I got an idea.
      There's this sticky stuff you can put down and it's a floor pattern. Like shelf paper but for floors. Fake Floor Stickers, I'm not kidding. Home Depot carries them. I know this because I'm a theatre kid. And I have no idea who would buy this stuff except theatre kids.
      I can get some fake wood stickers online for $10.97 for 20 square feet. It would cost $40 to do the room. The rugs would run us  over $200.
      But Jim can't find it at Home Depot, and we don't have time to order it.
      But....The Dollar Tree has shelf paper that is a wood pattern. If we borrow two more rugs and buy one that matches the one we have, I can sticker around the edges and in between.
      The appraiser will never know we don't have a floor.
      Now, tell me again how a theatre degree is a waste of time?