Funny Things From Theatre Camp 2018 Act 1

While nothing will ever be as funny as the 2016 NUTS escapades of Willy Wonka, here are a few postcards for you.

   This camp was Anything Goes for ages 8-16. I know. I'll wait.
   Yes, Anything Goes for ages 8-16. I asked the producers about the sexism, the word "sex", cursing, misogyny and racism. I was told they were only worried about the potential "racism" in the Chinese bits. I am compliant, so I changed Chinese to Russian and left the rest.  I am not kidding, I do as I am told. I'm new to directing with this group, and I was told this group of kids were used to cussing, so the hells and damns were fine. I questioned the word "sex" as well as the sexual references and the response was "they're used to it". OK. As I stated previously, "I am very compliant". Nobody ever believes me due to the mohawk and double middle fingers,but in theatre I am compliant. I follow a script, the author's vision, the needs of the show...the end. I struggle when you cannot tell me, as my "boss", what it is you want me to do. So. If you say the above, I abide by the above to the letter. I will know my actors and adjust to their comfort, but other than that I am not going to think for myself in these instances, that gets me into nothing but trouble.

   So I rewrote Cole Porter as Russians instead of Chinese. Cole Porter:
 
                        Moonface
                 I was a missionary out in China.
                        Bishop
                 I worked in China for many years. Were you in Indo China?
                        Moonface
                 Ya that's it,you were  in indoor China and I was in outdoor China.

    OK, I love that joke, I hated losing it. I did my best:

                        Moonface
                 I was a missionary out in Russia.
                        Bishop
                 Russia? I was a missionary in Russia for years.
                        Moonface
                 I was more eastern...
                        Bishop
                 Oh! Czechoslovakia? Eastern Block?
                        Moonface
                 Ya, you were in an Eastern Block and I was in a cell block.

       It killed.

       That was all I did plus I changed "strip poker" to "a different poker" because a 12 and 14 year old boy were in a scene with a 10 and 7 year old girl. NOPE, not saying strip my friends, I will think for myself on that one.

       "Let's Misbehave" was explained like this: It's like when you want to spend time with someone so much that you go to the ice cream shop and you eat ice cream with them even though you are lactose intolerant and you know it'll make you sick.

        The things that went wrong on these shows....I have an entire other blog about the way this company is run, the challenges of the space, my love for my team, but today is just FUNNY/ANGRY postcards from the show.

        Apparently the words "prop check" are optional. So Moonface did not choose to place his prop shoes for the bit when he goes into the hall and returns with an armload of shoes. There were four performances. Night one: No Shoes placed, "Bonnie" gave him one of her character shoes off of her foot and then could not make her entrance because she was missing a shoe. Night two: no shoes placed, so he grabbed the tap shoes that were back stage. The choreographer and I enjoyed the thought that all of those cruising on the SS American leave their tap shoes out to be shined nightly. Night three: No shoes placed. He just entered with nothing. Night four: prop shoes! Chimps learn faster than 13 year old boys.

     The Purser, whose age I estimate as 8 or 9, forgot to set the tray for his scene. The Tray in which the Entire Scene Is About. The SM told me the next night the poor boy was in a full panic attack before he entered, he couldn't remember the word for "tray", he just kept miming it at her saying "I don't have my_____, I don't have my______" She just shrugged at him and said "Did you do your prop check?" at which point most kids would have burst into tears, but no. No, our Purser, trained thoroughly by Yours Truly, made his entrance and mimed the tray. Which the overheated (No A/C in this space is in the other blog) parents loved , because laughing makes you breathe and move and forget it's 100 degrees in this cinder block.

   ANGRY INTERLUDE. This was a 3 week camp. It was openly stated daily that we had 2 life threatening peanut allergies on the show. Kids were not to bring any peanut products for lunch, and they did not. When you move from your rehearsal space to the performance space, however, that apparently means that the previous rules do not apply. And So: On Saturday night, after walking through after two shows, I found Ritz peanut butter sandwich crackers on the floor. Ground into the carpet. Let's just say I have high school students who have never seen me that angry and I'm shocked they got into costume and continued after I burned them down. Because, dude, really? REALLY.

  One of the Billys--the show was double cast---is 5'9" at twelve.While getting into makeup, he picked up 40 pack of scrunchies and said "I bought these for my sister, she's always losing them. I kept ten and told her if she could not lose the other 30 I'd buy her more."
               "You kept ten?" I ask.
                He nods, smiling broadly.
                "Because....?"
                "I gotta make unicorn horns!" He demonstrated, grabbing a fist full of his bangs.
             
   Reno's Angels were 8-11. Cute as bugs, tap choreo knocked me out. But still, they're supposed to be "sexy".  One little Angel was to say "I'm just cursed with sex appeal" and she was clearly uncomfortable. She was double cast, and her double thought it was funny 'cause she was older. I told this little bug she could say something different, because she was not OK with saying "sex appeal" at 9. So we changed it to "I'm just cursed with naturally silky, long hair." She said that line for four days before we moved into the theatre, and then at every dress rehearsal. Then on opening night, she stepped forward and said "I'm just cursed with sex appeal."

   Why do I bother?
 
   At the end of the show, the Deux Ex Machina is a telegram stating that Moonface Martin is completely harmless. Cue the Purser (yes, the same of "mime the tray" fame) to run on, waving the telegram to end the show. However,  he missed his entrance, and nobody had anything to say because everything revolves around the telegram and they're all 12, so they mumbled, and then he entered late. Closing night, my friends.
 
   It was double cast (company policy). So for one cast Sir Evelyn was a lovely but short boy who came to, about, Reno's boobs. (giggle: boobs). Lucky for us the ship had a set of stairs we could put him on whilst she was on the floor to alleviate some--but not all--of the awkward.

   When I was directing at LHS, we had a policy of putting your costumes in the  freezer if you did not hang them up as requested. There was no freezer at the space, so we just gave them to the SM. The result was terrifying, an Angel in full makeup and hair did not realize her costume was missing until 15 to curtain. A passenger couldn't find her costume and asked everyone where it was. We all said "Where did you leave it?" She said "I hung it up."
   She lies. She crumpled it in a ball, and myself, the choreographer and the SM  found it and decided to hide it.
   She started to cry, so the SM gave it up. When she got her costume, she threw it on the ground and ran out of the dressing room.
    Gosh I hope she returns to camp next year, she's gonna do great.


                CAMP!