The last few weeks I have been writing 2000 words a day. Today I decided to post one, this is the inside of my head.
I'm on the deck, it's 9.19 am, a little late for me to be out writing, but I did some yoga first. Now I'm in my spot until the sun blocks my screen, watching the neighbor's stories. This morning routine of 2000 words can be a challenge. There's always a stupid cat that wants out, a dog that drank all his water, anxiety, blah blah blah Across the street, beginning yesterday morning, my neighbors and all of their company---it appears they are family, grandmas and grandpas and aunts I guess--began schlepping wagons of ice and freezer type food across the street to Lin and Betty's house (next to mine, the one with the retaining wall). I thought I heard one say something about the fridge going out, but then a UHaul trailer appeared, and now it looks like they are actually moving stuff out of their garage. I feel like Gladys on Bewitched.
I chatted with Betty the evening before last, she is adjusting to dentures and has a nasty cold she can't shake. She stepped out from behind her fence to show me she'd lost so much weight that her pants are falling off of her. She was sick a lot this winter as well. They have their yearly family reunion in Texas coming up next week, and they always drive. Every year I question how smart of a choice that is in their Buick or towncar or whatever that old boat is, but Betty says she'll never fly. "It takes just as long to get through our airport and then the one in Dallas." Fair. These neighbors are a joy. They've had a rough road, but are always kind and ask about Genoa and Harper. Their grand son Atticus has been friends with the girls since they were 3,4 and 5. Harp still hangs out with Atty.
She's at work at Starbucks right now, her third training shift. She gets to work the drive through today. When we get back from Durango and she has her schedule, she's going back to Mad Greens (she calls it Sad Greens) to work hours there as well. They'll hire her back for a few weeks, then promote her to shift lead at $13 an hour. My daughter is a money monster, and that beats $10 at Starbucks. She labors under the delusion that she will work two jobs, but I can't imagine it working out, as she has a third job filling in as a nanny. That's an entire story unto itself, and has already been written.
Okay, everyone in my neighborhood has a dog, and they all walk them from 7 am -10 am, bullying and taunting me because I walk my old dog only to the speed bump and back, and the other dog isn't my problem.
Writing I had hoped would alleviate some of my anxiety. I also started reading this book, One Minute Mindfulness which is somewhat helpful. Not as helpful as scrubbing every floor and floorboard in my house, but you have to try many things. Anxiety is not a joke, and at my age I cannot afford it any more, I'm going to give myself a stroke. And it's exhausting. I haven't slept well but one night this summer, and that is ridiculous. It's SUMMER. I start Willly Wonka on Monday, and I tried to get the house scrubbed before that began.
Harp and I are going down to Durango tonight, we'll spend Saturday with G and come back Sunday morning. Jim wants to see Finding Dory for father's day, and I don't want to drive in the heat, so we'll head out around 6 I guess. Earlier if I can pour H into the car. I only love road trips in the early mornings. I don't mind early evenings, but after the sun goes down I get jumpy, I didn't used to, Jim and I drove to and from Houston through the night, and when the girls were little we drove to California. At that time my anxiety was Death Valley--valid. Guess I have always had it, it's just really increased exponentially the last few years.
I get anxious every time we go to Durango. The first visit we didn't even make it there, I freaked out in Ouray and we came home the next morning. That was without Jim, he suddenly couldn't go on the only family trip we could make work that summer, and I agreed to take the girls. But we got there and there is something deeply wrong with Ouray, and the hotel floors were uneven and there were shadows in the mirror and nope. So it wasn't until two years later that we made it to Mesa Verde--- Jim's bucket list---and we drove around the outside of the campus, and G was not impressed.. Then a year later we went out to visit Ft. Lewis and she met Dennis- he runs the theatre- and that was it. She was sold. And that trip I had a full on freak out, I worry about the pass, I hate the pass, I hate being on the "wrong side" of any pass in Colorado. I do the same thing in Steamboat. I thought it was the altitude, since anxiety can be physical, high heart rate, etc---but I don't think that's it in Durango. Also that doesn't explain why I start to panic before we go.
This one started yesterday.
So my stomach hurts,and I feel dizzy, and I can't breathe and it's great. It's AWESOME.
10.23
So I got bullied into walking the dogs. It's already hot, and they're black so we only went to the water tank. We were behind an elderly couple who seem to be part of the across the street gathering, he has one of those one armed/crutch/metal things and he was moving uphill at a lovely pace. At the water tank, Sundown broke away--to the extent that he can "break away", more like "hobbled"---and their dog became a bit aggressive. They were kind, he has gap teeth and both are definitely Aussie. I swear the dad does not have an accent, but last year on the fourth they had friends over, and the guy I chatted with had an aussie accent. They are loading up, this is a caravan of some kind. I'm having Walking Dead anxiety, do they know something I do not. There is a truck with a UHaul trailer pulled behind it, a minivan and a hatchback car loaded up with coolers. How many people and how far are they going? I'll ask Allison, she lives next door and I think she went to college with the mom. She knows everything in the neighborhood....DANG, she's in Chicago.I'm left to my own snooping.
Well, the good news is the walk has quelled my anxiety attack.
I'm just too old any more, I don't want to leave home but I'm grumpy because we never get to take a real vacation and leave home. Ok, last year we went to Florida, that was great. But it was only a week, I don't know if we've ever taken a vacation longer than a week. What's that like? Leave your house for two weeks? OH, I had an anxiety attack in St. Augustine as well, so....not related to higher elevations. Science. I'm all about it.
We went to NASA while in Fla, of course, why wouldn't you, and I cried the whole time. It was like visiting a gravesite, a monument to Things We Used To Do That Were Cool. The Atlantis, the production values, the old guy sitting on his folding chair with a sign that said "Engineer" and which missions he worked. I wanted to talk to him but I don't speak engineer, so I just shook his hand and thanked him. The visit made Genoa think she wanted to change majors---she investigated, discovered math, then decided she could design the next phase of space suit. Harp was duly impressed and expressed interest in learning more about space stuff, but has no interest in the math necessary for space travel. Also, we don't do it any more here in America, so there's that.
When G chose Ft. Lewis I was already in the throes of College Panic Attack, as she had been accepted into OCU and the costumer had started calling to confirm that she was coming so she could assign her shows. The cost--even with the scholarships---was giving me heart palpitations, even though loans are a thing and more scholarship $ was coming. Then she met Dennis and it was over, even though Ft. Lewis is not a "theatre" school, she didn't care. She liked Dennis, she felt comfortable in their tiny theatre and wanted to get a minor in biology. Which she dropped when it was between bio and a trip to Dublin, so there you have that. But it worked out, even though she is declared as a Design and Tech major, she was nominated for the Irene Ryan for her acting in The Little Prince. And she's going to Dublin and London in July---originally they were doing Barcelona as well, I hope they do. It's a collaborative performance class, so they've created a piece to perform at universities over there. I feel like it's a sort of college Fringe Festival. Between now and her departure I get to worry about getting her a credit card, a cell phone plan, her losing her passport or getting her money stolen...she's Genoa, there is much to worry about. But I don't know why, she's doing great. She got an apartment for the summer, works two jobs--- well, until last night when she quit Pizza Hut for sexual harassment. But she'll get another second job and she'll be fine. She doesn't really need me to worry, but what else am I going to do? I have two gifts: theatre and worrying.
And one of those has been cut off for next year, since I'm not directing at LHS. That's another source of delightful anxiety.
The younger "aunt" and her young daughter have taken off, cooler secured in the front seat. The elderly couple are loading the mini van. I love road trips, I really do miss them. This looks awesome, how come we don't do this any more? Harp and I are going to Durango to see G for one day, that's not very road trippy. It'll be fun to get out, and I wish Jim was coming, but it's not like this event I'm watching. Allison drives to Chicago every summer. Our old neighbor drove to Florida for the summer. We just don't have anywhere to drive to I guess. The dad is checking the brake lights on the trailer, I don't know where the two girls who live there have gone to. They were in the front yard in their jammies a minute ago. I see only adults in the truck and minivan. I think mom is taking them in the family car? She just asked an empty front yard if anyone had to go to the bathroom. Wow. This is impressive. Of course in Colorado I'm used to RV's and trucks and SUV's with Thule rocket boxes and bike racks. We used to be those people.
Back when we rented our cars, we had a Tahoe I loved, and then a Suburban that I did not. But that Suburban had a Thule on top, a bike rack on the back, and occasionally pulled a pop up camper. That was us, headed to Turquoise Lake and the Molly Brown Campground---where you have to reserve your spot a year ahead of time. Well, then it was a year, that was 10-12 years ago before everybody bloody moved here, now I bet it's impossible to get a spot two years ahead. I loved that lake.
OH, Shuffly Boy with the German Shepard is walking late today. Dude, it's hot. He walks the dog twice day and I have no idea where he lives. Maybe behind us. But he's a kid, so he shuffles, he doesn't pick up his feet, so you can hear him coming. He's really late, it's 11. HA, I hear Nathan Lane's voice "Gotta run, it's almost eleven!"
WC 2040,
Not bad, although I did break for a walk. Weds I did a 640 word character analysis as part of my routine,. Yesterday I edited and beefed up the "After School Theatre" outline for the guy they hired. I didn't do a word count, though, but it counts, there were words.
The UHaul and truck have left, mom is moving the smaller car into the driveway, and I guess the children are loaded into the mini van? I didn't ser them, but she's talking to someone. I think Grandma and Grandpa are in there too. Big mini van.
I promised myself I'd cross something off the list today, I should probs go in. I need to buy paint to finish the spare room, and I'm saving my pennies for Durango. I'll do that after Willy Wonka, or next weekend. Today I have to dig out CD's for the trip, Jim's Honda is so old we can't listen to the iphone. OOOOH, CD's! Harp has some sort of small speaker arrangement that we can kinda use, I think.
No comments:
Post a Comment