30 August 2026
Nothing is easier.
Everything is more difficult on every front, and many times cruelty leads.
I can't be here any more. I hate it here.
The Cruel King makes everything worse. For everybody. Not just Americans. The world is worse off because of him, and his sycophants support and celebreate. Murdering and incarcerating homeless veterans and American citizens. Deporting human beings to Africa who are not from Africa. Murdering our beautiful wild horses.
I've sobbed uncontrollably three times this week.
Three times.
NOT including Dolly and Tim's death sobs, those are counted separately and are double digits.
If I stop checking the news, I won't get any better. It's in the air. Everyone is angry and exhausted and just waiting for this horror to end one way or another.
300 teachers in my district did not get their COL raise at all. Our insurance rates went up, no clerical issue there, but not the raise. That's a clerical error we have to wait to be fixed. While our bills pile up.
For ten years, I've felt like John Coffey, but this year has been The Worst. I literally weep constantly, for the same reasons he did. He saw the cruelty of humans and it broke him. His eyes just leaked 24/7. I feel you, John Coffey. God speed, I know you were grateful to be free of this pain, even if you were innocent.
Everybody's vying for some kind of control in their own life. For one of our counselors, this translates to controlling scheduling, even if it makes no sense and is not what either the students or teacher wants or needs. They're literally just making it harder for us to do our job, and upsetting the student and frustrating parents. That's it. Well done. Take a bow.
Our little independently owned local gym up here on Green Mountain closed because his landlord wouldn't let him sign a new lease. The landlord is putting the whole strip out on the street so he can sell it to a developer and make more money.
We have classes across the board---gratefully it's not just me----that have single digit enrollment. One class has one kid.
When your building only has 650 kids in it, you can't offer IB and Honors and ROTC and Engineering and Performing Arts and art and multi media. Facts.
The lunar eclipse after the glacier disaster in Nepal was also A Lot. The eclipse was supposed to be an electric switch on old tired ideas and lies.
Huh.
Nepal got shattered by a piece of glacier that melted and collapsed...because climate change isn't real so we've ignored it, and now it's not just happening but will happen again.
I can't think straight, I thought writing would sort it. Nope.
I dropped my phone last night---my old phone that I should get replaced but I'm poor---and it finally cracked.
The eclipse was cutting power to things we won't do ourselves. I followed spiritual instruction,drank water went to bed at 7.30 and was out. I was not supposed to doom scroll, so I laid there listening to my head spin and finally conked out until 5 am.
The day of the Nepal flood I was dizzy all day. Was that Wednesday? Literally, I couldn't stand up straight. Gratefully, I know it's not "me", but unfortunately, I never know if it's my family or the world. This time it was the world. Whoo hooo.
BTSN was Thursday. I actually had a few parents, which was nice. The AC was still not on and I had two MI kids go down. One threw up, one had a seizure.
Then Friday morning, after many emails regarding the AC in the room, the building manager told me there IS no AC in that room. Those are heat registers. There is no AC.
There is NO AC?
But they put MI/S kids in that room who have heat induced seizures...because nobody knew there was no AC?
So I did not react well---please see Nepal flood, dizzy spells, Tim and Dolly and counseling issues---and turned immediately on the AP and Dept Chair demanding that they move my class to a room with AC. Which they did. Because I'm right, not because I'm unhinged.
So now I have two classrooms, because there is no way I'm moving everything to a conference room on the third floor. I'll just use it for my Peer to Peer kids until the heat breaks then we'll move back down.
The Good News is that we're now GREEN, which nobody outside of education really gets or cares about. The story of WHY we were orange in the first place is one of serious villany on the part of the district. RED is DANGER you should probably close, but my last school in a different district had been red for years, nothing changed, they didn't get better despite the Evil Empire who took over, but also did not close.
It goes: red -danger, you suck, we're probably going to close your building, orange-still danger, fix it or we'll turn you into a charter, yellow-less danger but move it along and GREEN YOU'RE CLEAN. We went from orange to green, completely skipping yellow IN YOUR FACE DISTRICT, so the principal bought green gummies and bandanas and candies and crepe paper to celebrate on Thursday---and then said "But it's not official until Monday so don't tell anyone."
Sometimes...I just...SIGH...whatever.
While that's good news, it's not going to change our enrollment immediately, and nobody's addressing the small elective class sizes. Not my problem.
I've been dizzy all day again, like on Wednesday. Maybe I'm just getting sick. That'd track, we all get sick the first weeks back. I'm taking off Thursday to take mom to her Dr. Appt. Which is a Whole Other Thing. Kaiser has an uber service for their patients, but it's limited rides, and my mom's number of appointments exceeds her alotted rides. So...what do people do who don't have children to schlep them around? And how come we have to take our own sick days to do so? Shouldn't there be a "Gotta take my mom/dad to the dr." sub days in addition to the ones we need when we ourselves are sick? And damn, if you have kids at home, you also have to take sick days for them, not yourself, and everything sucks all of the time and I hate it here.
I tried.
Honestly. What a fucking week. First week with kids: scheduling issues, new elements forced on us and three planning periods a week now booked with data tracking and filling in boxes to prove we're teaching what you see with your eyeballs when you enter. Then a glacier wipes out human beings and structures. Then Dolly AND Tim die on the same day, even though he died so late it wasn't reported until the next day. Then a meeting that is supposed to be a celebration but ends with "Now we have to stay green so work harder" with no time to process that facts that Tim and Dolly DIED and a GLACIER melted and crashed into both Nepal and Tibet. And a lunar eclipse. Did I mention a counselor is being difficult as well, upsetting kids and parents and teachers, Oh My.
I'm doing so well that I laid in bed Thursday after Back to School Night and thought about being trapped in a glacier mud slide. How comforting it would be to just get knocked over and take in two big lungfulls of mud. The first my body would reject, because our stupid consciousness thinks we need to fight to live, but it would be like drowning. Just relax and let it happen. Suffocate and then peace.
Nobody cares.
If they did, funding would exist to make sure countries are prepared for these inevitable events, the effects of global warming. Climate change. Dirty words, like universal healthcare. The damn glacier has been melting,someone had to know this could happen. Yet...here we are, with a thousand people dead -so far. OH, ya, and China is censoring the news, so people have no idea what happened and are missing family members. Because that's how authoritarian regimes work.
That's how ours will work. They're going to rig the midterms---they rigged the elections---and if that doesn't work they'll yell FAKE and CHEATERS and disregard or interefere with all registered democrat ballots. You know this---All Is Lost.
We missed our chance to storm the castle, so now we have to just live as serfs and die quietly.
Sorry to bum you out, but you can't just bury your head in the sand and wait for your fucking prom any longer. You've made your choice. Enjoy our pain, poison food, no rights, illegal wars, death from curable diseases. You Win. You "own the libs".
Congratulations. To the winner go the spoils.
Have fun.
When it's your turn to suffer, I hope you hear me say "I told you so."
Nope, not feeling kind at all.
Scene.
No comments:
Post a Comment