60 Years Are So Many: Week Two

     30 August 2026

    Nothing is easier.

    Everything is more difficult on every front, and many times cruelty leads.

    I can't be here any more. I hate it here.

    The Cruel King makes everything worse. For everybody. Not just Americans. The world is worse off because of him, and his sycophants support and celebreate. Murdering and incarcerating homeless veterans and American citizens. Deporting human beings to Africa who are not from Africa. Murdering our beautiful wild horses.

       I've sobbed uncontrollably three times this week. 

       Three times.

       NOT including Dolly and Tim's death sobs, those are counted separately and are double digits.

       If I stop checking the news, I won't get any better. It's in the air. Everyone is angry and exhausted and just waiting for this horror to end one way or another. 

       300 teachers in my district did not get their COL raise at all.  Our insurance rates went up, no clerical issue there, but not the raise. That's a clerical error we have to wait to be fixed. While our bills pile up.

        For ten years, I've felt like John Coffey, but this year has been The Worst. I literally weep constantly, for the same reasons he did. He saw the cruelty of humans and it broke him. His eyes just leaked 24/7. I feel you, John Coffey. God speed, I know you were grateful to be free of this pain, even if you were innocent. 

         Everybody's vying for some kind of control in their own life. For one of our counselors, this translates to controlling scheduling, even if it makes no sense and is not what either the students or teacher wants or needs. They're literally just making it harder for us to do our job, and upsetting the student and frustrating parents. That's it. Well done. Take a bow.

        Our little independently owned local gym up here on Green Mountain closed because his landlord wouldn't let him sign a new lease. The landlord is putting the whole strip out on the street so he can sell it to a developer and make more money. 

        We have classes across the board---gratefully it's not just me----that have single digit enrollment. One class has one kid.

        When your building only has 650 kids in it, you can't offer IB and Honors and ROTC and Engineering and Performing Arts and art and multi media. Facts.

        The lunar eclipse after the glacier disaster in Nepal was also A Lot. The eclipse was supposed to be an electric switch on old tired ideas and lies. 

        Huh.

        Nepal got shattered by a piece of glacier that melted and collapsed...because climate change isn't real so we've ignored it, and now it's not just happening but will happen again.

        I can't think straight, I thought writing would sort it. Nope.

        I dropped my phone last night---my old phone that I should get replaced but I'm poor---and it finally cracked.

        The eclipse was cutting power to things we won't do ourselves. I followed spiritual instruction,drank water went to bed at 7.30 and was out. I was not supposed to doom scroll, so I laid there listening to my head spin and finally conked out until 5 am. 

        The day of the Nepal flood I was dizzy all day. Was that Wednesday? Literally, I couldn't stand up straight. Gratefully, I know it's not "me", but unfortunately, I never know if it's my family or the world. This time it was the world. Whoo hooo.

        BTSN was Thursday. I actually had a few parents, which was nice. The AC was still not on and I had two MI kids go down. One threw up, one had a seizure.

        Then Friday morning, after many emails regarding the AC in the room, the building manager told me there IS no AC in that room. Those are heat registers. There is no AC.

        There is NO AC?
        But they put MI/S kids in that room who have heat induced seizures...because nobody knew there was no AC?

        So I did not react well---please see Nepal flood, dizzy spells, Tim and Dolly and counseling issues---and turned immediately on the AP and Dept Chair demanding that they move my class to a room with AC. Which they did. Because I'm right, not because I'm unhinged. 

        So now I have two classrooms, because there is no way I'm moving everything to a conference room on the third floor. I'll just use it for my Peer to Peer kids until the heat breaks  then we'll move back down.

        The Good News is that we're now GREEN, which nobody outside of education really gets or cares about. The story of WHY we were orange in the first place is one of serious villany on the part of the district. RED is DANGER you should probably close, but my last school in a different district had been red for years, nothing changed, they didn't get better despite the Evil Empire who took over, but also did not close.

     It goes: red -danger, you suck, we're probably going to close your building, orange-still danger, fix it or we'll turn you into a charter, yellow-less danger but move it along and GREEN YOU'RE CLEAN. We went from orange to green, completely skipping yellow IN YOUR FACE DISTRICT, so the principal bought green gummies and bandanas and candies and crepe paper to celebrate on Thursday---and then said "But it's not official until Monday so don't tell anyone."

    Sometimes...I just...SIGH...whatever. 

    While that's good news, it's not going to change our enrollment immediately, and nobody's addressing the small elective class sizes. Not my problem.

     I've been dizzy all day again, like on Wednesday. Maybe I'm just getting sick. That'd track, we all get sick the first weeks back. I'm taking off Thursday to take mom to her Dr. Appt. Which is a Whole Other Thing. Kaiser has an uber service for their patients, but it's limited rides, and my mom's number of appointments exceeds her alotted rides. So...what do people do who don't have children to schlep them around? And how come we have to take our own sick days to do so? Shouldn't there be a "Gotta take my mom/dad to the dr." sub days in addition to the ones we need when we ourselves are sick? And damn, if you have kids at home, you also have to take sick days for them, not yourself, and everything sucks all of the time and I hate it here.

    I tried.

    Honestly. What a fucking week. First week with kids: scheduling issues, new elements forced on us and three planning periods a week now booked with data tracking and filling in boxes to prove we're teaching what you see with your eyeballs when you enter. Then a glacier wipes out human beings and structures. Then Dolly AND Tim die on the same day, even though he died so late it wasn't reported until the next day. Then a meeting that is supposed to be a celebration but ends with "Now we have to stay green so work harder" with no time to process that facts that Tim and Dolly DIED and a GLACIER melted and crashed into both Nepal and Tibet. And a lunar eclipse. Did I mention a counselor is being difficult as well, upsetting kids and parents and teachers, Oh My.

     I'm doing so well that I laid in bed Thursday after Back to School Night and thought about being trapped in a glacier mud slide. How comforting it would be to just get knocked over and take in two big lungfulls of mud. The first my body would reject, because our stupid consciousness thinks we need to fight to live, but it would be like drowning. Just relax and let it happen. Suffocate and then peace.

     Nobody cares.

    If they did, funding would exist to make sure countries are prepared for these inevitable events, the effects of global warming. Climate change. Dirty words, like universal healthcare. The damn glacier has been melting,someone had to know this could happen. Yet...here we are, with a thousand people dead -so far. OH, ya, and China is censoring the news, so people have no idea what happened and are missing family members. Because that's how authoritarian regimes work.

    That's how ours will work. They're going to rig the midterms---they rigged the elections---and if that doesn't work they'll yell FAKE and CHEATERS and disregard or interefere with all registered democrat ballots. You know this---All Is Lost.

    We missed our chance to storm the castle, so now we have to just live as serfs and die quietly.

     Sorry to bum you out, but you can't just bury your head in the sand and wait for your fucking prom any longer. You've made your choice. Enjoy our pain, poison food, no rights, illegal wars, death from curable diseases. You Win. You "own the libs". 

     Congratulations. To the winner go the spoils.

     Have fun.

     When it's your turn to suffer, I hope you hear me say "I told you so."

    Nope, not feeling kind at all.

    Scene.

    

(FB) 60 Years Are Too Many: First Week Back

     21 August 2026

        There is no way I'm living through this and still remaining employed in May if I don't force the practice of writing every Friday.

        I'd write daily if I could.

        But the AC is not on yet in the building--because why would it be?--and it's 80 degrees in my second floor classroom with three fans, ceiling fans and closed blinds. The window bank is west facing. Even if the AC was on, my registers are disconnected and haven't been reconnected.

        There's a reason, hold on.

        I have MI/S students in Peer to Peer theatre. These are "Multiple Impact Severe Needs"--- defined as SSN in other districts---kids with multiple obstacles; CP, premature, autism spectrum, speech delays/difficulty, and seizures.Two of them have heat induced seizures, which became ubiquitous in January when the heat registers came on and the kids responded by seizing.

        So. I asked the building manager to dismantle the registers to avoid the trauma these seizures cause during theatre class. Which they did.

        The registers  were never reconnected, and now it's 80 degrees with no air conditioning in my room, and I'll have these kids on Monday.

        Maybe they'll fix it. Maybe the AC will come on.

        Maybe monkeys will fly out my butt.

        This week in review:

        I went back Monday. "Teacher directed work day" means well damn, now I have to deal with all the crap I relocated from the theatre and loaded into 233 last May. Because the theatre is closed for renovation. I will pause while you sing a phrase from Little Shop Of Horrors "Closed For Renovation".

        That was fun, wasn't it? I'm happy we shared that moment.

         This is largely a lesson in "Do something today that future you will appreciate."

        Fuck Past kryssi.

        It's not as much schlepping as it is realizing I have to teach Stagecraft without a stage, and finding cardboard, and buying hot glue guns and planning to build models and morgues and keep the kids active and tactile in a classroom while forcing them to learn design. 

        Tuesday was my district directed day. So I spent 8 am-4 pm with the other theatre teachers. Not all of them, some of them are too good for the meetings -no names mentioned- but the core that show up regularly are good people who I enjoy. Also against all odds, the old dog learned a few new tricks. All theatre is derivative, but still, I learned derivations. 

        I approach these mandatory meetings with the same grit with which I face my mammograms;necessary, frequently painful, occasionally the tech thinks I'm funny, and sometimes I say I attended but I did not.

           Oh ya, I need to schedule that. I missed it this summer. Anyway....

        Since we only have three Forced District Meetings this year, and since we as a building are Fighting The Man -"The Man" being the district--I figured I'd go. Represent! We can't all win awards, some of us just keep doing our jobs.

        First of all, it was at Montbello High School. Which is a DPS school located in Aurora. The mailing address is Denver but...it's not. It's Aurora. So...that was a fun drive, full of trauma and PTSD. Yet it is a gorgeous building that is not even remotely wheelchair accessible. I am not in a wheelchair, I just take note of such things, and you see those two statements as unrelated, and you are wrong. This is my brain and my blog. Try to keep up.

         It was a long day, but to be fair, I enjoyed my time. Even though nobody really talks to me, because even for a theatre teacher I'm awkward and weird 'cause I'm an introvert who looks like she will bite you. Very Wolverine. Which tracks. And now you hear C. Thomas Howell yelling "WOLVERINES", which means we're friends. Love you.

        Wednesday the real hell began: meetings. I have to give my principal her propers, she has slides like I do---just words, very little to look at, maybe a GIF or two and NO AI-- and strips it down to Whatcha Need To Know. She holds the line and I love it. I do not always agree with what the line is, but damn she does everything for the kids and the good of the building at the forefront. Dude. I've never had a principal like this. It's wild.

        Then yesterday and today, more meetings with departments and the realization that she's leaving the dirty work to the department chairs. I was feeling vaguely hopeful after Wedesday, Thursday pushed it a bit and today was utter hell.

        I'm Done With Platforms. I'm Done Being Evaluated. I'm DONE submitting slides and lesson plans and assement dates  on three different platforms to prove that I mounted the shows you saw with your eyeballs.`        

        24 Years. 40 plus shows.

        All performing arts teachers feel me.

        Dude...Did you see a show? Did you watch a concert?

        Do you think the kids did that on their own?

        Stop making me create a paper trail so you can prove I did the thing You Saw With Your Own Eyeballs.

        I literally ran out of spoons today. I completely melted in our department meeting. I said outloud. "I'm not doing this; fire me" and I meant it.

        We'll see if I do it or if they fire me. Hours of my time on a computer that I hate frustratingly trying to get technology to work for me **** CALL LADONNA LENZ SHE WILL BACK ME UP**** When she was tech at Littleton, even she couldn't figure out why nothing worked for me the way it worked for others. We even had to have a district guy come in to make the professional declaration ; "I've never seen anything like this. IT hates you."There is something IN me that fucks with technology. My brain hears bees and the platforms do not work.

        Facts.

        This is year 24 and I'm calling it. Nothing you're making me do impacts my effectiveness in the classroom, but it does impact my mental health. I am not a better teacher because I linked my daily slides and data on two different platforms,reposted the calendar you posted in the slide show into my "Learning Log", reposted my assessment dates from my syllabus into said LL...I dunno what else, my brain melted.

        Out. Of. Spoons.

        So no. Not doing it.

        I happen to know of a Really Crappy theatre teacher in another district, who does this shit and gets good marks, but produces nothing. 

        Which one of us is an effective teacher?

                                                      cell phones

          The state of Colorado passed legislation banning cell phones at school.

          I have many opinions. The primary of which is TOO LITTLE TOO LATE. Which seems silly as it's a statewide ban in all public schools-how is that too little?--but still. It's my blog.

         While I have always been a screaming bitch about cell phones on stage,this is not new. However, what IS new is our team---consisting of choir, band, theatre and art--must have the same solution. I can't do bags and art does a box and band does pockets. We have to all align. Not the whole building, just us. Because...why?

          If I'm on stage the chant is "Come in, go potty (yes, I say "potty" it's funny they're in high school), phone in your backpack, backpack in the house, bodies on stage."

          But now I'm in a classroom, so I have a box.

          I also don't have a backstage bathroom so it's "Get in, shove the phone in the box and siddown."

         It's a cell phone storage box the building purchased for all of us. That I have to put together. 

        Assembly required.

        As the principal said "Bob the Builder".

        On Friday. This meeting and box reveal was on Friday. Today.  After a week of putting a classroom together, district meetings; after struggling with platforms, heat, no AC, arthritis, failing eyesight and no interest in building a fucking cell phone box.

        I built it wrong, cried, put it back in the package and returned to the platforms.

         Which made me scream.

        So that's how it's going.

        How're  you?

        All in all, in conclusion, to sum up: it's fine, I'm fine, stop looking at me.

        I'm fine.

        Scene.         

        

     

60 Years Are Too Many: What If The Whole Point Is Destruction?

 14 August 2026

        We've all considered it. Some more seriously than others.

        But...let's say that's it. That's the point. To Burn It All Down.

        Now what?

        I'm writing this down for the first time, so it's going to be messy.

        I am also writing this on my grandson's birthday--he is eight and being raised by lovely adoptive parents.This week is always difficult.

        So in the name of avoidance, I've started wondering What's Next? 

        Literally. We're clearly destroying everything. What happens once it's destroyed?

        I do not wonder "why". It's not Biblical. They--sorry I have to separate for this particular group- like to wave that flag for their christian nationalist (deliberately lower case to demonstrate disrespect)zombies. Zombies who believe everything they are fed because they have no brain power of their own outside of the biological abilities to breathe and pump blood.

        We are the Why. Humans have been given every opportunity to prove they can care for one another and this earth and failed every time.

        When I say "we", I do not include myself. Or y'all. Or my children, or anyone who helps others. I mean the general swath of humans currently living through this. So while I'm not accusing you of being 'we', I have to use 'we' as All Humans. 

        Told you this would be messy. Love you, mean it, thanks for reading.

        I say "we" because "us" and "them" is destructive. We are human. All of us.

        "We" voted twice for a monster. Whether it was rigged, or fake, or whatever: nobody stopped it. Nobody with a smidgeon of power and the ability to say "Do Not Let This Guy Be President" stepped up. The Dems threw Kamala under the bus by yanking Biden late in the game---she didn't even have her party's endorsement! They literally gave up at the two yard line and handed Trump the ball.

        That makes them just as guilty as any republican in office, republican voter or those who chose not to vote at all.    

        That is a "how", not a "why". To be clear.

        So here were are, on the Eve Of Destruction. Remember that song? I do. Before I was a punk, I was a hippie. 

        "The eastern world, it is exploding. Violence flaring, bullets loadin. You're old enough to kill, but not for votin'. You don't believe in war, but what's that gun you're totin'?...I can do this by heart. I don't even have to look it up... here's what I'm singing;

        My blood's so mad, feels like couagulatin',I'm sittin' here just, contemplatin',I can't twist the truth, it knows no regulation, handful of senators don't pass legislation/and marches alone don't bring integration/when human respect is disentegratin', this whole crazy world is JUST TOO FRUSTRATIN'...later there is the great line YOU CAN BURY YOUR DEAD, BUT DON'T LEAVE A TRACE HATE YOUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR, BUT DON'T FORGET TO SAY GRACE.

         And there it is. 

         The central excuse they are using for the war, immigration, cuts to medicaid/ education/ disability: Hate.

        We are not here at this moment because of the Bible ("why"). We are here because humans suck.

        They are wrapping it up in a fictional Rapture that they claim to have the power to call forth.         

        First--it's not real. I've spent my life with the Bible, and the whole Rapture/Apocalypse scenario is untrue. Revelation predicts four horsemen of the apocolypse, but it's vague on actual apocolypse details.

        Unless you fell for the movie Left Behind which you were forced to watch at an age when you had no business watching such horror.

        I believe that Revelation tells of the fall of corruption in God's earthly "home". Specifically Israel. It has to happen for a new world to emerge.

        Some believe it's the fall of the entire middle east. I remember first learning about the true meaning, and being deceived about what Israel actually is in my lifetime.I couldn't make it make sense with the genocide. If they're God's chosen, why are they acting like that? Why are Jews abused in every single country, and Israel is murdering everyone in Gaza?

         Meaning I initially didn't believe Israel was the topic of discussion in Revelation. Because in my church, Israel was holy. The promised land. Yada Yada CHOSEN. 

        But in reality, they are bullies. They are guilty of genocide.

        That's a hard shift, friends. Not everyone can do it.

        I did.

        I'm not smarter than anyone else. I just possess the ability to do my own research and ask hard questions and come to my own conclusions.

        So when an appointed DOJ mouthpiece starts screaming and beating his chest, insisting that "we" must join Isreal and go to war with Iran  to "bring about the apocalypse"...I have questions.

        Nowhere in Revelation does it say "And a failed TV host shall lead the battle".

        It's all about the middle east. The eastern world. Not the west. Nothing to do with us. 

        The Biblical narrative is 100% a them problem that our government is making an us problem.  

        Fueled by hatred of fellow humans--most of whom are the weakest of us and need assistance--the mouthpiece has reached what can only be described as a zealot level of insanity. He is apoplectic over the recent revelation that our government has failed to simply feed our naval troops in the middle east. He and the bag of shit holding his leash are yelling "LIES" at the top of their lungs, but they're accusing American Service Members and their families of lying. These are people who fear saying anything, ever about their mental health out of fear of losing their career.

        Ipso Facto; They are not lying.

        This is bad if sailors with several deployments and over a decade of service are willing to admit mental fatigue.

        Unsure how we're participating in the Bring It ON portion of the Biblical apocalypse when we're out of physical weapons and cannot feed the physical crewmen on board the aircraft carrier, but I've digressed.

        This is not our war. Most presidents --OK, so like one president in my lifetime, two if you count Carter---have been smart enough to say No Thank You Friend to Israel's invite to End The World. Obama ended a war he didn't start. Just sayin'. WMD didn't exist. My research on this is dated and may not be relvent, but I think you get my point; Not Our War.

        I'm Gen X, I am tired of living through "once in a lifetime" events. Fuck this shit.

        Just knock it off. 

        I have no issue with my taxes paying for inclusive public education opportunities for MI/S or SSN students. I have no issue with my taxes going to hire bi-lingual teachers to support immigrant populations. I'd be willing to volunteer my time at a Saturday school arrangement to help their parents adjust, understand xcel and xfinity, how to Not Get Ripped Off, where to submit documents, etc. 

        I have an issue with my taxes going to "the military" who blew through their weapons 'cause the warnotwar was unplanned and they cannot manage to feed sailors or make sure they have clean water, working toilets and soap. 

        We are all exhausted. He threw so much shit at the wall all at once and nobody was prepared. I'm grateful for every lawyer and judge who has stepped up, stepped in and stopped--or at least impeded--- the flow of shit cascading from this administration.

        Our administration has graduated from pedo cowards to war criminals. Neat.

        He isn't even running the country, he's completely without cognizance. I have not a shred of empathy or kindness for him or his ilk. I was done when he mocked a physically disabled journalist. That alone will have him burning in hell. I didn't need the 34 felonies or sudden interest in Epstein or the "accidental" death of his first wife. One was enough. One moment that proved he was not human, and I was out.

        The fact that thousands of others stuck around to support him feeds the original thesis-which to be fair you may have forgotten-that destruction was the whole point.

        They know who he is, and got on board. They hate anyone who looks or sounds or worships or loves differently than they do. And that kind of hate spells The End Of Humanity.

        Now, who sent him? If the point was destruction--our destruction, not Israel--what are the chances God sent him?

        God gave us the ability to think for ourselves and make our own choices.

        I posit he is none too proud of that, and will leave that off the table next time around.

        God did not send him. Satan did not send him.

        Men built him. Propped up a narcissist, born of a narcissist. Took money instead of telling on him or feared reprecussions for tattling. Men.

        They built this monster, hurled him at us and hoped they would be protected.

        It's that simple.

        The spiritual war here is not Revelation.

        He may or may not be "The" Anti Christ. People thought it was Hitler. Stalin. My argument is that there is not one Anti Christ; they are legion.

        It is not just the destruction of Israel, or the middle east.

        It is the destruction of greed, the dismantling of power.

        And it will come from inside his own administration.

        It will be ugly, and people will die.

        And then we'll start over.

        We'll return to community, to caring for one another. To respecting nature and the cultures and opinions and religions and sexual orientation of others. Because community is everyone. Every. One. Every Single Person has something to contribute and Every Single Person needs support.

        We will have to claw our way back. We will have to forgive those who caused this. We will have to show empathy to those who showed us none.    

        Yes, you will. Stop shaking your head. That's part of the problem. Don't be part of the problem, be part of the solution. I don't want to have to deal with anyone who supported this insanity, either, but love is used for good, not evil.

        Power is evil.

        We go with love.

        So, all in all, in conclusion, to sum  up: This is not a Biblical apocalypse, this is a Human Apocalypse caused by our own greed and power. The only thing God has to do with this is his mistake of giving us free will and dictating a vague Bible to be translated over centuries and languages and endlessly interpreted. Which he did on purpose to see if we'd overcome--which is the whole point of this destruction; learning a lesson.

        The end is the same: peace. Serenity. "Heaven on Earth", God's return to earth, Buddah, the spaghetti monster---whoever. They'll come back to congratulate us on figuring it out, shake our hands in celebration and help us plant flowers.

        That is my hope.

        Scene.

        

60 Years Are Too Many: Power Outage

    10 August 2026

        Let me begin with an Eternal Shriek.

        (pause for shriek)

        My pay was deposited from the district on Friday. I wish to thank them for the deposit, as in May of 2025, nobody in the district received their pay deposits. It was fixed by noon, but made a giant mess.

        However, I wish to log a complaint with management over my alleged 'Cost of Living' bump. For those who do not teach, lemme 'splain. We get one pay raise a year. No bonuses, we do not get tipped, nothing. Here is your pay for the year, the same every month. 

         As you may not teach but you pay attention, you know teachers are grotesquely underpaid. In some states, it could be called "criminally" underpaid. In Colorado we're "mid". I will break it down later. For now, that's all the informaiton that is relevent.

        We had to switch our insurance this year, as the costs are astronomical. Originally they struck Kaiser as a choice saying it was "too expensive". I've had Kaiser for 15 years, I'm 60 and I've been through the insurance company games of "Choose a primary care Doctor"-"Just kidding, nobody's taking new patients". So I reached out ot he school board and made noise, learned I wasn't the only one, and we kept Kaiser.

        I stayed with my plan, which increased  to $1200 a year. No dental, no vision, just baseline.

        My cost of liviing raise is $1000 a year.

        I imploded.

        I have no idea how I am going to work a weekend job to make up the difference.

        Then I exploded

         I posted on FB, and acquaintances pointed out their own issues: one works in healthcare and has no healthcare insurance.

        It wasn't a post to invite to a pissing contest, but what isn't any more?

        And they're not wrong. But damn, ever since COVID the mantra has been "At least you have a job, shut up, peasant". 

        So I got that going for me.

        But wait! There's more!

        Last week, my mom -who lives about two miles east of us in Lakewood-lost her power for seven hours at one stretch. No warning, no text stating "Heads Up, We're Doing Rolling Blackouts!", nothing. Just went out. She had to call to get an estimated time for her power to return. She's 81. Cool.

        On Saturday, we returned from lunch and couldn't get the garage door open. Because the power was out. No warning, no text, nada. We came in the front door, texted our neighbors and then the power came back for a second, then went out for two hours.

        On Sunday...guess what went out without warning? For an hour this time. 

        This time, it was only on our side of the street. It's always our side of the street. I have no idea why, up here our power lines are buried, but I'm not an electrician.

        Our neighbor across the street has a generator from Costco--I think it's in their backyard. I can hear it but it's not ridiculous. Our next door neighbor also has one, it's clearly in his garage and it's crazy loud. Even with our windows closed we can hear it.

        We talked about getting one when we had rolling blackouts due to the high winds this spring, but they're expensive. But we know which brand to look at, and when we win the lottery we'll get one.

        I hate all monopolies, but I will give AT&T their propers---they refunded customers for a sun SPLOT...burst? FLARE! We weren't even effected, but hey, we got a few bucks off our bill.

        Xcel, however, rolls blackouts and cuts power and increases the charge.

        That's all literal power outages, I am sparing you the complete shut down that has happened to my 60 year old brain and body. 

        

60 Years Are Too Many: Return to The Land Heritage Communities

 

        11 August 2026

        We should know by now not to take these racists lightly.

       The bolder they are, the more aware of their community we become.

        Not scared. Aware. Headed toward angry.

        Aware and should they cross my path---if they ever manage to leave the Apalachias---we will chat.

        The first step to hiding your racist community is to call it "Return to the Land". 

        Sounds homey. Like a farm and llamas.

        Not white folks hating everyone else.

        Their founder Eric Orwoll (as reported on AXIOS)  has referenced Hitler, said the community had a "pretty good radar" for excluding Jews and called himself a "white identitarian."

      " A White Identitarian"

     "You're going to get Hitler 2.0 when you deserve him. He's not just going to show up to a people that aren't putting in the work themselves. We have to put in that work," Orwoll said in a video posted on X.

        They're getting around the fair housing act by setting up a private LLC as a company. So it's a company...not a community?

        Only about 40 people live in this Arkansas paradise at the moment. Probably because you have to submit DNA history to prove you are of European descent, but not the brown parts or the Jewish parts. 

        And, a woman who clearly has a mohawk (in my humble opinion), is suing them, because she applied and was denied. She has Russian Jewish heritage, a black husband and biracial children.

       So she's making a point, and I love it. Good for her.

       For almost two years now I've been disappointed in the number of people willing to get into good trouble. I wish her lawsuit was more loudly shared. It's hard to find news. I saw a post about this community last year, and came across another brief post so I had to go to AXIOS.

        Lawsuits are our last line of defense. God Bless every lawyer taking on ICE victims, every Judge blocking Trump's insanity and every leader demanding access to detention centers.

        And whoever this beautiful woman is, who looked at this racist enclave and said "I have to do something." 

        Rock on, sister! Get in some good trouble.

        Scene.

(FB) 60 Years Are Too Many: Church

     9 August 2026

        This past week, I had drinks with friends, and somehow my departure from organized religion came up. We bonded over being forced to watch Left Behind at much too young of an age, and agreed that evangelicals are abusing children.

        My friends were churchy-churches as kids, as many of us were, but are not so much any more, as most of us. Christopher Durang put it best: "I know many children who are Catholic. I don't know any Catholic adults." This is not a direct quote, as I was sure it was from Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All For You, but I don't have the play. The point is that it fits my thoughts thematically, as few of us adults are still churchgoers. For a good reason.

        And we all have a story.

        And mine is coming, you've been warned.

        First: Not Catholic. I honestly would not have been able to handle church as a child if we were Catholic. Who can sit still that long with so much pagentry and smoke?

        We attended Berean Fundamental Church in Lakewood. It's on Jewell and for a minute was the River Of Life Church, but now the marqee is in Spanish. I think. I don't speak Spanish, but it looks Spanish.

        I attended that church until I was 12 or 13 (unsure which year). I was tasked with relentlessly inviting other kids to attend Wednesday nights, making me quite popular at school. Kids were constantly begging to be invited to attend church on a Wednesday night. It was relentless, I almost needed a bodyguard.

        NARF!

        In case you missed the sarcasm, I was treated like  a borderline pariah.

       I went to Sunday School on Sunday morning, regular church on Sunday night and AWANA on Wednesdays. There were Saturday things I have a vague recollection of doing, and I think my dad helped mow the church lawn.

        When kids would ask what kind of church I was aggressively pushing on them, I had no answer. My mom said we were "a bounce off of Baptist". But that seems incorrect, as the word "fundamental" was part of the name, but fundamental to what? If I look it up today, it's Fundamental Baptist...but I do not remember that word on the church sign. Maybe it was?

        Ok, went down a google rabbit hole...we were just Berean Fundamental and apparently they still have a summer camp in Lakewood. Eww.

        There were rules we did not follow because I guess we didn't want to. I have no idea why we didn't just go to another church. But my parents said church doctrine stated that we weren't supposed to attend movies, play cards,  listen to rock music or dance. 

        We went to the movies. Mom played Gin Rummy with friends. I liked music. My sisters and I danced like fiends to our records and the radio, largely in front of the box fan. For effect. You know. As one does.

        I imagine my mother saw us as the Partridge Family of the church. She stitched us matching outfits for the holidays, all reflecting her obsession with pioneers and bonnets--my God that woman loved Little House on the Prairie-- and we sang weekly. Mom played the guitar, and her three little well behaved girls would sing with her. We were very compliant. Mom also ran the games on Wednesday night for AWANA.

        I even attended the Pastor's Vacation Bible school at his house after I had outgrown it, because my mom said he needed the support. I would argue I attended that church most of my congnizant life until the age of 13.

        I attended Maranatha Bible Camp for a few summers. Enough that I started spouting that my career dream was to be a Maranatha Bible Camp Counselor. One year, counselors introduced me to Christian Rock. Not like Stryper-they were way later, and it was before Amy Grant and even softer than her. Literally, like soft do wop. I just looked up the album Andrus, Blackwood &Co,Following You, 1978. 

        So. The song "Jesus, You're So Wonderful" was the trigger. 

         I loved it. Mom loved it. Mom learned to play it on the guitar---it's a piano do wop and mom doesn't play piano. So. I assume Rockley's didn't have the sheet music, seems like it would have been a bit obscure. Maybe they did. Or maybe mom just listened to the album and figured it out. I seem to rememer sheet music, though. Whatever. Not relevent.

        I sang it on Sunday morning. I was so excited. I sang it so well. I was a young belt with no idea what a belt was. It felt so good! I sounded so good! 

        There were a few smiles in the congregation, and maybe a sway or two. The audience had enjoyed it, but something was wrong. I was being...judged. It was different than previous performances, where I was judged with smiles and joy. This was very different. Their eyes were cold. Some looked sad. I was a kid, all I knew was it was not the usual reception.

        By the evening service, we were iced out. Nobody would talk to us. I assumed I was not as good of a vocalist as I thought. Everything inside of me crashed. I assumed it was my voice. It never occured to me that it could be the song. It was a song praising Jesus. It was a song by a christian rock band. It had to be the way I sang it.

        By the following Sunday, the pastor's messages had changed to the question of whether or not rock and roll music was sacred.

        The printed pamphlet referred to the "perverted album" of Aqua Lung. 

        I did not sing Jethro Tull. I sang a Christian rock band's song that celebrated Jesus, not a socially relevent comment on the state of homelessness.

        What was going on?

        I sill do not know. All I can tell you is that we left the church. We tried a Baptist church with a strong youth program that did not appeal to me, and mom did not like the music ministry.

         I have not belonged to a "church" since.

        Theatre is my church.

        We can sing and dance, we respect history and all art and all people and we do not judge you for your beliefs, only your commitment to the show.

         Nobody is as judgey as zealous white church people.

          I hung out with one of the ...I guess he was like a "deacon"- right, he was A Big Deal...I hung out with his daughter. Praised as a jewel of Christian Values, she was.

         She taught me how to shoplift.

         And by "taught" I mean she showed me how she was shoplifting, but I couldn't do it. I tried. I lifted a lipstick at Walgreens that I hid in a drawer until we moved to Green Mountain and I threw it away. So Much Guilt.

        But I was the sinner for belting a song praising Jesus.

        I see you.

        I'm good. I do not need your judgment. 

        And I'm smart enough to know you were dangerous, and I'm not the only one you abused. I'm grateful my parents were smart enough to leave, and not stay and boot lick to be allowed back into the fold.  I love that, it taught me volumes about self respect and may have sowed the seeds that grew the mohawk.

        I have no idea why that church changed its name, I assume the pastor left---he was not terribly young--and nobody wanted to keep it going. I'm not mad at the brick and mortar building. It's sill there and I appreciate they've held on as a church and haven't been bulldozed for apartments.

        And I also do no belong to any church. I haven't since. 

        And I don't judge anyone who likes their church. Good for you, go to church.

        Just stop judging me because I don't adhere to your beliefs.

        I have good reason. 

        I see church as controlling; a demon wearing a blonde wig.

        I'm not interested in hearing your side of how great your church is. You heard my side. You have two valid response choices: to say "I'm sorry that happened" or "Me too". 

        "My church is nothing like that," is not a valid response. It's a defense. Glad you like your church. What are you drinking?

       Scene.