23 Years Are Too Many

 

    28 May 2026

        Okay.    

       This isn't a usual "Turn in your keys, clean up, see ya" end of year.

        There is a theatre renovation starting next week, so I had to clear out my office. I also began to clear paths and make piles in the shop. Allegedly, they will be loading everything---all lumber, flats, tools---out of the shop so they can do Whatever It Is they're going to do back there.     

        Think they'll bring back all my lumber, flats and tools?

        I hate this.

        I had to go through this at Littleton and they didn't even mess with the shop. They just ripped up the stage and house...

        So let's address a few burning questions in order: 

         1.   If Kennedy is slated to "close" due to low test scores and poor attendance, why are they bothering to renovate the theatre?

         2.   How am I teaching Stagecraft in a classroom until October.

         Number one.  Okay. First, lemme just restate: They cannot shift any of the money to the band room, which flooded and destroyed all of the instruments, and is still uninhabitable. 

    The theatre works, it's functional, there is No Need to renovate it other than to update the lights and sound. 

    The band room, on the other hand, just lost all of its instruments and likely has black mold and a swamp monster. But you can't use any of the money coming in to help the department that needs it.

     Grant and Mill Levy renovations are annoying.You can only use the money for what it was originally intended. So--follow me here---even though the school is in danger of "closing", they still have to renovate the theatre because that's what the money was for. Even if we don't get out of orange and have to go into innovation or reimagination or whatever the buzzword is these days. Follow me again---going into innovation or reimagination or whatever the buzzword is these days means getting rid of all admin, making teachers reapply and cutting departments. You know--like performing arts. Or consolidating-making the choir teacher also teach band, or the choir teacher also has theatre. It's always the poor choir teacher.     

        So, if we don't get out of orange in August and are in the middle of a theatre renovation that keeps performing arts dark until at least October, preventing us from performing, it will be an easy decision to say "Consolidate"  and boom. Because we didn't do any shows while the theatre was dark, so why do we need to do shows? OH, we paid for this renovation, oops.

        Expensive renovated theatre in the hands of overworked and under appreciated choir teacher who cannot possibly float two departments, two full theatre productions and four concerts on her own.

        This debacle matches my time line. I have already done 90% of what I said I would do here. You could argue I've done 100% if you remember I said "I'm just here to get the wheels back on". Which you could argue I have done.

    But if you argue my class numbers are still low which means only 90%, then with the theatre closed in the fall, I can only make it to 95%-- That last 5% is a stagecraft class. So I will have to call it at two years in 2027 without having fully rebooted the theatre. My license expires in June of 2027 anyway. Hmmmm. Coincidence?

        Number two. When I was hired I immediately began sussing out what the kids in this building need. I was told by admin "they" wanted a theatre; the kids and the community. That was inaccurate and became screamingly clear when I struggled to get The Odd Couple up.    

        My choices at that point were that the admin who hired me lied to me because they want a theatre, or admin has no idea what it takes to build a strong theatre department and they want a "comprehensive high school" that includes all three in their performing arts.     

        I chose to believe the later, as one must do for one's own sanity.

        Once I decided they had no idea, as we powered through the musical, I listened and watched the kids. What they want is to work with their hands. They do not want to act or be seen on stage or anaylize scripts or any of the stuff that I like. Those are also the things I Am Good At. What these kids want is exactly my achilles heel in theatre: tech. But OK. I was hired to do a job.     

        I knew we'd be dark in the fall for the renovation. I also knew if we didn't offer stagecraft for next year, we'd miss the window of opportunity. Besides, just putting in on the scheudle doesn't mean kids will request it. Right? So I put it on the schedule.

        Forty kids requested it.

        Oh, okay. Great. So, now what?

        We'll be learning props and costumes, building and baking and cooking and stitching and design in the fall in the classroom. Some set designs, sketches and cardboard models. I can teach that. But...they signed up to use a drill and build and learn the light and sound boards. 

        My hope is the admin who registered the kids did so soley based on those who requested it. That way they will hang on with all the design and paperwork stuff until we can get down there and Do The Things. Theatre classes used as dumping grounds go poorly, and in stagecraft we have so many safety issues, it's irresponsible.

        Also, admin only gave me one section of stagecraft, and I capped it at fifteen. So In Theory I will have a manageable number of kids who actively requested tech theatre.

        Which is why I added stitching, and cooking and baking. At least they will be able to Do Things. 

         And yet...I think I've said this before...I don't think I'm coming back.     

       I suspect that feeling is valid, based on the PTSD I've had in the past. But those BOTH happened in October, not over the summer. So it's just a feeling, not a premonition.

       The feeling does not match up with my visualizations which are flashing 2027 at me. It doesn't match up with my license expiring which is 2027. It doesn't match up with the projected date that Kennedy will go into "innovation" or whatever the hell the buzzword is, which is 2027.

        So why am I glitchy?

        Likely because I'm sixy and sixty years are too many, and I'm twenty three years in and can retire at only 52% of my salary which is robbery and everything sucks all of the time. 

        And every summer I secretly hope to win the lottery.

        Because I'm done teaching theatre. I'm done directing. I'm too old for anyone to seek out my limited talents, and I'm too tired to apply for jobs anymore. I only do pony school because I need the money and they're actually truly appreciative and nice to me.

        And yes, I'm depressed. We know this. Who cares? So is anyone with a conscience, eyeballs and ears.

        I stopped applying for jobs in 2023, I couldn't go to any more educational theatre interviews and watch their faces when they registered my age. But two weeks ago...I started looking around. I really wanted a gig at Red Rocks Community College, a desk job working with the concurrent enrollment kids. But my experience is in teaching, not counseling, so my application didn't even get past the AI bot. 

        I also thought about working at the Colorado Train Museum as the Volunteer Director. I know jack about trains or volunteering, but I'm a beast with scheduling and communication.

        I am done. And writing this I realize I'm looking for my retirement job. Because I can't afford to retire, I'll have to work someplace full time with benefits, but I don't want to be around edcuation anymore. I have no desire to sub---and besides, you can't get insurance when you do that.     

        I truly hate capitalism.

        Because I've worked long and hard enough to have earned the opportunity to have access to reasonable insurance and stay home and write.

        And where the hell is my STL to sign my stupid checkout form so I can leave?

        Scene.