So, I've Got That Going For Me.: June 2024

Monday, June 17, 2024

Reasons For Leaving #3.LOCKDOWN SOUTH

Lock Down: Preferred District

A scene written for radio, but easily adapted.

Seene

it is the first day back with students in a suburban high school. They have been in meetings for three days previous, and are meeting early before students arrive.

Characters

AP LIt, they have been teaching AP lit for twelve years. Before that they taught at the alternative high school in the district. They teach AP like they taught the alternative kids, with a lot of scaffolding and patience. They are the opposite of CW.

SHAKESPEARE they teach classical literature including Shakespeare and the Greeks. Their class numbers are dwindling, as it is considered an elective and kids do not sign up for harder classes voluntarily.

CREATIVE WRITING They teach CW and Expository writing as well as Comp World Lit, Honors. They are used to students who are self driven and high achieving, with little patience for those who struggle.

AP LIT

Shakespeare, You said I could have your Hamlet stuff, will you send it?

SHAKESPEARE

Hold on, I have to find it. Just a minute

AUTOMATED VOICE WITH NON THREATENING TONES " LOCKDOWN, LOCKDOWN, PLEASE PROCEED WITH LOCKDOWN PROTOCOL. REFER TO YOUR LOCKDOWN CHARTS FOR THE RESPONSE TO CODE ORANGE.LOCKDOWN, LOCKDOWN, PLEASE PROCEED..."

Did somebody press the wrong button again?

AP LIT

That was fun, remember how panicked the principal was when they realized it had been triggered?

My window faces the front parking lot, I got to watch them run out to explain to the police cars that lined up.

AP LIT

My window faces the teacher's lot, I missed the show.

SHAKESPEARE

Which one is orange? Is that shut the door and keep teaching or hide and be quiet?

AP Lit

Blinds, lock the door, keep teaching...

AP, it's your room, lock the door.

AP LIT

And miss the view from my window?

SHAKESPEARE

View of what? There's my car! OOOOOH!

At least shut the blinds.

AP LIT

Hold on hold on, I'm finishing my Kahoot. We'll play when I'm done. After Shakespeare sends me their HAMLET stuff.

SHAKESPEARE

What did I call it? Seven soliloquies? It's not called "Hamlet"....

AP LIT

CW, did you see Seven Psychopaths? Your boyfriend is in it.

My boyfriend wrote it, hello, yes I saw it in the theatre fifty years ago when it was released.

AP LIT

Well excuse the single parent for not going to violent movies.

SHAKESPEARE and CW (Steve Martin)

EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSEEEE MEEEEEEEEE!

AP LIT

Drink bleach

We love you.

AUTOMATED VOICE WITH NON THREATENING TONES " LOCKDOWN, LOCKDOWN, PLEASE PROCEED WITH LOCKDOWN PROTOCOL. REFER TO YOUR LOCKDOWN CHARTS FOR THE RESPONSE TO CODE ORANGE.LOCKDOWN, LOCKDOWN, PLEASE PROCEED.. (the voice is cut off by a human, clearly annoyed.) I realize it is the first day of school and you are busy, but there is a lockdown happening and teachers, you need to lock your door and close your blinds.

SHAKESPEARE

What's the Kahoot?

AP LIT

Of Mice and Men

You're doing that right off?

AP LIT

Hate it, get it out of the way so I can teach stuff I like.

SHAKESPEARE

I had to teach Pride and Prejudice years ago. I never recovered.

THERE IS A CLEAR VOICE, LIVE AND HUMAN, OVER THE INTERCOM: "ROOM 1149, WE ARE ON LOCKDOWN. LANGUAGE ARTS HALL, WE ARE ON LOCKDOWN. PLEASE CLOSE YOUR BLINDS."

AP LIT

(laughing) We're not the only ones! REBEL SCUM!

SHAKESPEARE and CW

May the Force be with you!

AP LIT

I see nothing out my window. I hear nothing in the hallway. This is clearly a drill and they're just lying to us.

Pretty sure the bank across the street got popped again. That's usually what is is. You can't see it from your window....hey. Look! The AP is walking right toward us.

VOICE from behind a window "What is wrong with you people? Shut The Blinds!" there is a banging on the glass "SHUT. THE. BLINDS!"

CW, SHAKESPEARE AND AP LIT burst into laughter

SHAKESPEARE

He has a masters degree you know. They hired him instead of Steve because of that.

I'm going with "Not A Real Lockdown" based on that performance.

AP LIT

You know he's a racist, right?

SHAKESPEARE

And a misogynist. Ugh.

AP LIT

OK, Kahoot set. Let me pull it up and we can play.

I don't wanna play another Kahoot, I think you have a problem. I think we need an intervention.

AP LIT

The kids love it.

There are no kids here. I'm trying to get my syllabus done in the next twenty minutes, then I have to open my room and get it ready.

AP LIT

Meaning you turn on your Zen music and light your fake candles.

The kids love it.

THE SOUND OF A DOOR BURSTING OPEN. The AP enters, mumbling loudly.

You people are worse than the kids, you are the worst. Just shut the damned blinds and lock the door, is that so hard? (Sound of blinds being pulled, footsteps leaving, door closing.)

AP LIT

You send the HAMLET stuff yet?

SHAKESPEARE

I'm still looking, back off, I'm on the trail.

Why don't you use files? Put your google docs in the named files. It's a thing.

SHAKESPEARE

You do files, he Kahoots and I am disorganized. I don't want to use files, I like searching, it's like going through a closet. (pause) AHAHA ! Here! Found it. Sending it.

Can we leave if it's a lockdown? I need to get to my room.

SHAKESPEARE

Do we have to wait for His Highness to return and open the blinds to know it's over?

AP LIT (regarding Hamlet)

Got it. Wait...it's all soliloquies.

SHAKESPEARE

That's the unit, we analyze the soliloquies and align them with each theme addressed.

AP LIT
I'm not doing that, I need the whole play.

SHAKESPEARE

Google Cliff Notes. Stuff it in a file. I teach Hamlet as a work of Shakespeare, not as a one off for an AP score.

VOICE OVER THE INTERCOM "Thank you everyone (clears throat) for following lockdown protocol. We are now off of lockdown...." THE INTERCOM WHINES AND THE AUTOMATED VOICE RETURNS "DO NOT PANIC PLEASE MOVE TO YOUR ASSIGNED EXIT THIS IS NOT A DRILL THERE IS A FIRE IN THE BUILDING PLEASE PROCEED TO YOUR ASSIGNED ROUTE"

That's my cue. Have a good year! (exits)

SHAKESPEARE

Eat glass.

AP LIT

Best wishes, warmest regards.

Friday, June 7, 2024

Reasons For Leaving #1.Dionysus, theatre teacher 2024

dear friends, margins are a struggle in google. try to move past it.

Dionysus is male or female, or both.

Dionysius is sitting on stage, staring into the audience. He has a district chrome book or laptop in front of him on the stage. He is seated cross legged. He is not in a toga but yoga pants and a long shirt. S/He has a large goblet by one knee, and a plate of grapes by the other. Not drunk, but clearly joyful and loving life.Very Christmas Present from A Christmas Carol, Or Mau: BIg, Happy god type. Dionysis is breathing heavily and chanting “the lips, the teeth and the tip of the tongue”

Mollie and Troy enter, Mollie leading. They speak to Dio who is not moving on stage. They speak and he lowers his mantra volume and nods in response when they speak.

MOLLIE

Good morning, Dio…

TROY

Dio, if we could have your attention please. We have a question.

DIO

Lips teeth tip of the tongue…

MOLLIE

Thank you for allowing us to do this on stage during your off period. Troy’s office is a bit small for three.

DIO

Lips teeth tip of the tongue...

TROY

I wouldn’t need three if–I don’t need three– I don’t need a babysitter, I am an assistant principal-

MOLLIE

–whose inability to silence their inner monologue, especially if it’s inappropriate, is why I am doing this with you.

DIO

Interrupting their silly human argument.

Greetings.

He takes a handful of grapes and pops them in his mouth.

MOLLIE

Good morning Dio. Sorry to bother you during your planning time.

DIO

I am used to holding court. You look unhappy.

TROY

We aren’t unhappy, if that’s what you are suggesting. Well we are unhappy…but …

DIO

Why look miserable? It’s a beautiful, snow filled day. My students are equally unhappy, daily. It is difficult to do my job among such GRIM… the lack of revelry in this school is vexing to me. Does nobody celebrate any more?

MOLLIE

Our students have a lot …going on… it is hard for them to celebrate.

DIO

All the more reason to come to theatre. Bring them all to me, we will dance together. Dio stands and stretches his arms to the sky. His face indicates the administrators should join him. Troy does so. Mollie stands and watches, grimacing.

TROY

We’re here…we have a video…Mollie shoots him a look. He stops stretching but stays put. We need another observation for your evaluation….

MOLLIE

Your evaluation is just fine, we–

DIO

During this he stretches through a sun salutation to ragdoll to downward facing dog. TROY joins him half way through, seemingly transfixed.

I am still unsure as to why I must be graded. Am I now being graded because I did not have enough grades?If I am a teacher, I understand that I am to grade students. That’s what Troy said. I have to grade, but I didn’t have enough grades in the machine. He indicates the chrome book. That was a bit fractured, I am sorry. Still emerging from my time with Zeus. To you it looks like meditation. I do yoga to return to my body.

TROY

Yes,I recall making a note on your evaluation regarding your practice of using yoga for warmups.

DIO

You said I did it for too long. “Too much yoga”, to be exact.

TROY

It doesn’t seem like that long when you’re doing it. He moves from down-dog to up-dog, smiling at Dionysus. How did I remember that just from watching? That’s down dog to up dog, right? DIO

Yes it is. Excellent job, Troy

TROY

Yoga burpees! Sun salutation, ragdoll,down dog, up dog, plank. He does the moves as he states them. Mollie stares at him until he stands still.

MOLLIE

The state demands accountability from each district, each district evaluates their teachers.

DIO

Doing “yoga burpees” as he speaks.

Who is your evaluator? Who grades you?

MOLLIE

I am an assistant principal, the principal evaluates me.

DIO

Oh.Then that’s ok I guess. He turns to TROY, who executes a trust fall into his arms with complete commitment. Troy, you have become so trusting! Troy smiles. Good for you!

MOLLIE

We know you came in under a difficult circumstance. As a probationary teacher you are supposed to receive two formal evaluations, but we have only done one so far. I want to go over it with you and with Troy,to clarify a few things.

DIO

On all fours switching between “cow” and “cat”.

Yes.

MOLLIE

You did not write an SLO.

DIO

Moving into three legged down dog.

Which one is the SLO?

MOLLIE

Student Learning Objective.

DIO

Correct. I did not

TROY

How is a student’s growth measured?

DIO

Switching legs.

By height. I answered that when we met at our meeting. Height matters on stage, the taller they are the more easily they can be seen. Dio demonstrates by stretching to his full height.

TROY

Yes…and I suggested using the rubric your colleague utilized from the Colorado Thespian Conference:Projection, enunciation, character development….

DIO

Sits on stage and puts the bottoms of his feet together to do floor stretches. TROY joins.

Can’t do any of that if you’re short. They won’t see you. Who cares if you can’t be seen? I knew a short actor, he was a satyr. Great guy, and a great actor according to your “Thespian Rubric”--- which I don’t remember Thespis having a last name but I guess it could have been “Rubric”- and he has a whole thing named after him because he was tall—but the short guy, the satyr, nobody could see him on stage so it didn’t matter. You understand? If the audience can’t see you they can’t hear you. That’s what made Thespis great. They say he “stepped out of the chorus and spoke solo” but he really just towered over everyone and they were getting out of his way. He stepped over the chorus. Height is how you win theatre. He applauds himself and takes a bow.

TROY

“Win theatre?”

DIO

Isn’t that what you want? Your audience on their feet cheering? Isn’t that winning?

MOLLIE

We are a public school, our students are grateful to have the opportunity to learn and perform.

DIO

Good. Send me the tall ones then. Also the short ones, I will make them tall.

MOLLIE

We do not discriminate against …shorter…height challenged students.

DIO

Who said anything about discriminating? I’ll make them tall. Bring ‘em. That’s my “SLO”-to grow confidence.

MOLLIE

Desperate for a change of subject.

Dio,Troy noted in his observation that your students were very engaged, you are clearly an engaging teacher. But your Learning Objectives were not clearly displayed.

DIO

Right. Where would you like me to do that on stage?

MOLLIE

Your colleague, the band teacher, has a large white board she puts on the field when they are outside.

DIO

Yes, she got it out of our props loft.

MOLLIE

Perhaps you could do something like that

DIO

Like what?

MOLLIE

Sorry?

DIO

Don’t be sorry.

MOLLIE

What?

TROY

See?

MOLLIE

Like the white board.

DIO

I can’t.

MOLLIE

Why not?

DIO

The band teacher has my whiteboard. Ba dump pssh. Rimshot. Vaudeville. Fun times. I love that they give me credit for theatre, but I honestly just partied.I was the party god. Then I started paying attention. Hard to ignore them when they were singing dithyrambs to me. He is lost in a memory.

TROY

We talked about the length of your yoga stretching in class.

DIO

Did you observe behaviors?

TROY

No.

DIO

Did anyone leave for the restroom and not return?

TROY

No.

DIO

Did they talk?’

TROY

No.

DIO

Were they off their cellphones?

TROY

Yes.

DIO

Why was it an issue?

TROY

Class is only 58 minutes, and you had them doing yoga for 20 of those minutes.

DIO

Yes. How long have we been doing it?

Troy pauses. Looks at his watch.

MOLLIE

Yoga stretching eats into content delivery time. You had given Troy your lesson plan, which stated “stage combat”. But you only delivered your lesson for 35 minutes of your full instructional time.

DIO

And every one was engaged, balanced and nobody got hurt.

TROY

That’s not on the evaluation rubric.

MOLLIE

Nor was it in your lesson plan, and you could easily write “balance and safety” on a whiteboard and place it on the …over on the side… for an evaluator to see.

DIO

The “wing”. Vocab. Sure. Reaching for a goblet. Would you like some grape juice? I make it myself. Sips. I have a question. Why do I need the Learning Objective posted if the kids are doing it?They don’t need to read what they’re doing. Theatre is doing.

TROY

In case anyone from the district or state comes through,they see you have complied. DIO

Which goes on your evaluation,correct? Pause. This doesn’t make any sense to me, and I’ve asked the other gods who also say it is bureaucratic nonsense. Very human. If we don’t have time for it, and there is no concrete reason for it, we don’t do it.

TROY

Dion…Dio…the fact that you insist on stating that you are a theatre god is also a point of concern. The students….idolize you.

DIO

I am The god of theatre, not a theatre god. The god OF theatre. I’m the reason theatre exists. I’m the reason I have a job. Wow. Mind blowing, huh? I created my own employment.

MOLLIE

That’s really why we’re here I suppose…that… and the fight. They do idolize you.

DIO

That’s ridiculous, they do not. I know idolizing, this isn’t it. They just respect me. Like they respected Socrates. He was a good guy, he made me think. I learned how to teach from him. Before I just partied with the casts. You do not want to be methusko on my wine and swing from the deus ex machina, lemme tell you. That was the moment I knew I needed to change.

Mollie and Troy exchange a look “this is going nowhere”.

MOLLIE

Holds her phone for Dio to see.

We received this video of your stage.

From the phone we hear the sounds of a fight; any fight, loud words, furniture crashing. I recommend Road House for our own amusement. :)

This fight was yesterday, according to the time stamp on the video.

TROY

You need to get your students and this theatre under control.

DIO

Theatre is for everyone, I am not going to start locking doors.

MOLLIE

This kind of thing cannot continue. A student videotaped this. Where were you when this happened? DIO

I don’t know.

TROY

You clearly were not managing the learning environment–this is unconscionable.

DIO

You have cameras in here. Did this come from those cameras?

MOLLIE

No…but…

DIO

Did you check those cameras to verify the date and time of the incident?

TROY

We were going to do that…

DIO

Those are not my students. Play it again. Mollie does so.That’s not my stage. He points at the phone . That’s a red brick proskene, this one is blonde.That’s not even this stage. Also, I see a whiteboard on the stage in the left wing…(he traces the phone screen with his finger) there, it says “Learning Objective”…OH— There is a crash from the phone— but a kid slammed into it so I can’t read what it was.

MOLLIE and TROY are silent, staring at the phone.

DIO

You didn’t look at the video taken from inside this theatre, because you assumed –based on how I run classes and my demeanor–that my kids would be unruly. That I would leave the theatre unattended and then there would be a fight. So you stormed down here under a pretense, to openly attack me. No–to falsely accuse me. Hoping…? What is your endgame? Which is a great play by Samuel Beckett. Absurdism. Which, frankly, I'm beginning to feel this exchange has become. Absurd. Negative. Your assumption that everyone else is the problem is why there is no hope in this building. I was only sent to investigate, to observe and report back- not attend meaningless meetings and have you grade me. You don’t get to grade me. I am a god. I came to assess you. Theatre is eternal, she has outlived war, famine, plague and incompetent leadership. Your school needs me, but thinks it does not. And so my assement is: I do not believe I will stay here. There is no joy.

TROY

Joy has nothing to do with theatre...

DIO

Ok, you're the expert. Assessment over. I’m outta here.

He stands and stares at them.

You were expecting smoke or clouds or flying? You go. I will finish my grapes. He waves his hand dismissively. The humans are excused.

MOLLIE and TROY turn and exit. DIO shrugs,downs his grape juice and begins the yoga move exalted warrior. He laughs uproariously and shouts NEXT!

Lights out.

SCENE