It appears that I am done teaching and directing children's theatre. Covid had a bit to do with that, changing buildings had a bit to do with it as well. It was probably time.
So for seven or eight years...was it five? But there were two shows a summer, one summer there were three plus classes...anyway, I directed a few high school shows over the summer, before being "busted down" to the children's shows. I did not take it as an insult, as frankly, directing the littles is much harder than older kids. At first I had no idea The Hell I was doing, I kept talking to them like I do to teenagers, which turns out to be the trick. They don't need to be talked down to, and part of why we liked each other was I told them to act their age and they'd laugh and run off giggling. They are a freaking joy. Parents do not judge because they're just happy their kid wasn't home for a few hours a day for two weeks over the summer. Then, they see their kid on stage following directions and doing things they were taught, which gives them hope for their future. I had no idea I would fall so hard for children's theatre. I worked for three different children's companies, but I was all in after the first experience. Every company has their own approach to the summer camps, but my favorite is the one where we put up a musical in two weeks. It's like EXTREME Theatre, everything has to move so fast and the kids do it, they step up! There are a few meltdowns the day after opening night, kids who just cannot go back for a day, but will return that night for the show. Parents would tell us there were meltdowns between rehearsal and the show, as well as after the show. It's fair, it's a lot.
During 101 Dalmatians, one particularly ornery girl would not follow direction regarding her ears. She hated them, and continually pulled on them, removed them, fidgeted with them, etc. On opening night, she ripped her ears from her head while delivering a line about what Cruella was going to do to them, and the audience lost it. It looked deliberate, and she was shocked by the reaction. After the show I told her that was using her powers for good instead of evil. She squinted her eyes at me in confusion, but her mom got me.
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So many nuts during Wonka. The squirrels were all aged five to seven, and they were squirrels in every sense of the word. The prop master made Styrofoam nuts that were in constant need of repair, due to the fact that the squirrels were aged five to seven and their tiny hands could not hold onto the nuts. The costumer and I were stationed backstage with a glue gun and our rapier wit, poised to make broken nuts whole again and sling bad nut jokes over the children's heads. A few classics:
"I don't care what he told you, there is not chocolate inside your nut. Do not eat it."
"Please hold on to your precious nut with both hands, we can't have nuts just rolling around everywhere."
"Stop giving your nut to him if he's just going to break it."
"That is uncool, give her her nut back, you can't switch with her just because yours is broken. Keep your broken nut and fix it yourself."
"Hold on, let me find your mom. How embarrassing for you to get nut caught in your teeth."
"Go see Miss Melanie about getting a new nut, I think this one's been broken too many times. What'd you do, stomp on it?"
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For two years there were brothers who would enroll together. The older one was two years his sibling's senior, and we found out that the younger was actually only four when he enrolled, which is against policy, the absolute youngest should be five and in kindergarten. I was never sure if it was a communication issue or if the parents just needed the boys the hell out of the house for a few hours so they fibbed a bit on his age. He was clearly not mature enough to handle a few hours of theatre camp every day. The first clue was that at the end of every day, he would turn in his libretto and say clearly "I am not coming back, thank you." He was very polite and proper about the whole thing.
He wound up being one of my favorite kids. By the second year he had received a lead role and handled himself beautifully, but he was a piston previously. During Dalmatians he crawled away from the stage and into the house. He suddenly emerged from under the seat next to me, scaring me to death, where he then took my phone from the chair. I said "Um, no? Excuse me?" to which he smiled "I'm ruining your life." He was four. Where had he heard that?
He would leave music class whenever he wanted, and wander over to the dance class or to acting class to see if they were doing something he'd prefer. He hated learning words to music and the music itself, but seemed to like dancing for at least ten minutes. All of the blocking and choreography was adapted for the possibility that he would not show up, not make his entrance or wander off stage.
Speaking of which, there was a kid on Dinos Before Dark that we did that for. We tried everything, but he would not or could not follow direction and hear his cue line. Since he was a dino stomping on stage, we had to adjust everything for the possibility that he would break from his blocking and trip someone. It gave new meaning to the phrase "stay alert on stage". It reminded me of doing a show with a company I Will Not Name, and one of the lead actors would drink and/or snort coke before curtain. You had to stay alert, you never knew from which direction he might lunge. _________________________________________________
We were on our lunch and recess break when I realized my phone was not sending messages. I must have grumbled or something, because the girl sitting next to me asked what was wrong.
"My phone's broken," I shrugged.
"Buy a new one."
"They're expensive."
"Get a lemonade stand."
She and I had several conversations that went like that. I hope she's class president now.
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One of the pirate shows there was a kid dressed as a lobster. It was hilarious, and I don't recall a lobster character, just that we had the costume and it needed to be on stage. That happens. He expressed concern on the day we received costumes that he had been blocked to row the pirate dingy. I said "Nobody's going to mind that a lobster is rowing the dinghy, it's fine." I think this a philosophy I should take to heart more often.
The same lobster kid melted down at rehearsal. It happened, we were used to it. For the most part everyone just steps over whomever has melted and continues until they decide to rejoin the show or sit in the house. The lobster was very committed and would not move from center stage, where he was lying face down. I looked at the choreographer and said "Boil him." He got up.
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"Do we get costumes or do we earn them?"
"EARN THEM!"
"How do we do that?"
"WE DON'T MAKE MISS KRYSSI CRY."
That is not the answer, but it was cute as hell.
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"What is that big word that means 'chew your words'?"
"PRONUNCIATION!!!"
"It's ENunciation,with an 'E', remember?"
One six year old "What's the difference?"
... Blink...blink. "You're six, just chew your words OK?"
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I haven't directed anyone live in over a year. Like so many people, I was booked in March of 2020, directing two shows and hoping to pick up the summer children's gigs again. Alas and alack, the world had other ideas. I've made noise about starting a children's theatre or a community theatre, or writing a book or getting llamas but that all requires more money than I have, or the ability to invest money which I do not have. And so ends the brief reflections on those years directing the lil punkins.
Maybe I'll look into that lemonade stand.
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