Today is Thursday. I have been in a Google Classroom classes for four days now.
On Sunday, before class started, I emailed the teacher four times. Why? Because I received a notice that Google Classroom had been set up, but when I clicked in, no assignments were posted.
Her email said "Assignment posted, please read by Monday."
I can't read it if it isn't there.
I clicked on again. And again.
I began to suspect I had been pranked. She sent me a dummy GC.
Then I began to talk to the screen, because that's what I do. When my light board went wonky, I began to bang on the keyboard and say "Fishy fishy fishy, wake up fishy". It's my go to.
I heard Alan Rickman in my head, and did my best foghorn voice impression of him "Reveal your assignments."
Nothing happened. Nobody came. Just like my entire life this spring, an existential nightmare. Sigh.
MONDAY
Monday morning I got up bright and early, mostly because I was unsure of the class' start time. There were a slew of assignments posted.
I stopped breathing.
When I came to, I realized there was a note that said "Here is the link to class, see you at 1:30"
I planning my entire day around the meeting time. I made a desk on my bed, made sure my "background" was interesting, put in earrings,and clicked on at 1.20.
There were four other people in the group, sitting around waiting.
At 1.35, when an instructor did not show up, someone with the instructor's cell number called and asked what was up.
The link was for the 2.30 section, which we are in. Not 1.30.
I looked back into the stream and yep, there is it: 2.30.
I was off to a great start
So I get on the video chat at the right time. Immediately I am sorry I signed up for this class. This is not going to teach me how to use the technology, it's going to make me use the technology to create community online, like I do in the classroom.
Well, this will be an exercise in futility.
I had to download "Nod" so I can non verbally give a thumbs up during class. I'm on video, I have thumbs that work, but whatever. They are culturally sensitive in color, I can change the skin tone. They don't have purple so I leave it. We must all demonstrate our use of the thumbs up. In the chat box I am relieved to see teachers who did not upload it, or just uploaded it and/or cannot make it work. Thank God. I am not alone.
They put us into chat rooms. My name was not listed, so I had to just click on a camera and hope. But the one I clicked on wasn't the link itself, I guess, it was just a picture of it. A dear teacher who was also left behind after the drop helped me find the right link. I love her, she is my new best friend.
So I drop into the room and they make me say words. I manage "Kristen Martin, theatre, HInkley" before then turning off my mike and almost bursting into tears. I am so far out of my comfort zone I can't even see it from here.
They want to know how spring online went for me?
I fumbled my mike back on and said "Horrible. This sucks. I have no idea how to do anything but google video chat, and that should be fine."
Turns out everyone in education knows how to teach theatre online so I then listened to a barrage of suggestions, none of which are valid in building actors, building ensemble, creating theatre or building a department, and all of which I thought of already but hey, they're nice people and they're trying. They may be able to tell I could cry at any moment.
I was nice and smiled and my dead shark eyes could not be seen through the video.
Then the class itself was over, and I sat and stared at the screen. I am clearly in over my head.
I got on the first assignment and tried to find the chapter. I am to download a copy of a note catcher that I then turn in with every chapter.
I can download. That's OK.
It's a PDF. Downloaded. Go.
I'm supposed to be able to write on it...um....click click...fishy fishy fishy...no go.
I download it again.
Nothing.
I email the teacher. I am to download it as a copy, then it can be edited.
Great. Can you tell me how to do that, please?
Yes, yes she can. She is patient and already knows me from Sunday's exchanges. She was not in my chat group, so she does not know that I'm going to cry. Everyone in that chat knows I'm going to cry.
There is a book we're supposed to be reading but nobody has a copy. So they are going to download the chapters. I am to read three of them and do things, then read two others and choose one of them to present on Friday.
I can't find the chapters at all. Any of them.
Email.
Find the chapter. I have to read it, write a thing in the thing and then turn it in. I barely got the thing to copy so I can write on it, how do I turn it in?
Email.
Sit and cry for five minutes, total. That's all I allow. Fuck this. I don't need the hours (I do) or the information (I do), drop the class. Harper says "drop the class".
I will not. Even if I don't get all the tech stuff in on time, I will not let this be what keeps me from being able to teach online. Or even make me cry.
TUESDAY
Class is synchronos and asynchronus, so no class Tuesday, just assignments and "office hours" on the link.
Trying to get on to read the chapter but there's no chapter, it's called Thinglink and it doesn't work. It shows the diagram and there is a yellow house and red arrows and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do...
Office hours! "Hi, it's me, the hell with this?"
"Share your screen with me, it's easier to do it that way."
Huh?
"Click the thing, then click the picture and there you are. Now go to classroom...click the thing, there you go..."
Explained. Got it. Wait, don't got it.
Office hours "It's me again, we're gonna be best friends."
"Maybe we should write more details in the stream to help, you won't be the only one confused, Kristen, I promise."
Happy to help.
And why are they so nice? Who are these people?
Next thing, ed puzzle? Won't load. Can't concentrate, then I have to answer questions about what I'm watching but I have no idea what I'm watching because I'm freaking out about not understanding how this works so I can get credit.
Cried.
Watch video, do the ed puzzle. Easy to turn in because it's right there on GC, so no weirdness. Or I'm just getting better at this nonsense.
How do I jumbo board, jamboard, jambalaya? Get a sticky note from where? Why won't it work? How come it's so small? How do I move it? Why does this matter?
WEDS
The fuck is flip grid? Why would I ever use this? Why would a kid video tape themselves doing a monologue when we could just do it in google chat during class time?
OK, tutorial. Done.
Now make a flip grid video for class expectations.
Email for clarification of what I am doing . Make 3 different things (flip grid, slides, mudmap, jambalaya) for three different online assignments you'll do in the fall.
Cried. I have no idea what I'm doing in the fall, let alone how any of it will work online. I should go back to the chat room so everyone can repeat the ideas I've already had.
Email. Can I just do three versions of my classroom expectations? Thank you. You're my favorite.
Decide to do flip grid, fuck this nonsense.
Two takes, done. I am in theatre, after all, cameras don't scare me.
Now "turn it in".
Crying ensues....where...what? I'm on a different site entirely how am I to turn in something I can't copy and paste? FIshy fishy fishy...
Email.
Hi, it's me, shocker. How do I do the thing?
They get in to help and email me back "You did it, it's there. Congrats! I'm so glad to see you pushing through all of this, you're a rock star, Kristen."
Whatever. You're a teacher, I see you. I know your support is not real.
And thank you.
THURSDAY
I panicked in May and signed up for every Professional Development section offered, since I have not a single clue how to do any of this. Also, I need 90 hours by next June for my license renewal. Last Friday I was suddenly unwaitlisted and am now in Google Slides today at noon at Google Forms tomorrow at 8 am. I also have to create whatever-the-hell-immma do for my presentation on Friday on my "choice chapter", which I had to read three times, because I was worried about the tech I need.
So I exchanged emails with my new best friends, the three teachers manning this course, and created a google slide show, thank god they allowed it. I had stopped breathing wondering how in the actual hell I was going to use any other technology with any depth of understanding. I learned enough to turn in the thing: scene. The google slide class helped me spruce up my sad text heavy slides, 'cause that's all I know how to do. So that was good. I didn't cry. You can add video to google slides...I don't know how, but I learned that it can be done, which is cool, I've got that going for me.
By 2 pm I had spent 6 hours on my laptop doing google crap.
I needed a cigarette. I've started smoking. I may have neglected to mention that. On Monday and Tuesday, after crying, I had a cigarette. Then another after going back in and wrestling The Next Google Thing, or reading the chapter yet another time, because I forget what I've read in the time it takes me to wrestle Whatever The Hell to turn it in and prove I read the chapter. I don't find this to be very "blended". I guess it is if you know the tech stuff, but it's more of a disruption than anything. Which I duly noted in my final reflection notecatcher and turned in with my slides because now I'm done with it.
Until tomorrow at 2.30 when I will be forced into another small group chat room that I will likely not be able to access, and share my google slides which I also suspect won't work. But I did learn how to share my screen in all this.
So in conclusion all in all to sum up, I did the things.I have no idea how many of these things I can use for actual class, but I am aware of their existence and can proudly say "I am not Google Classroom's bitch."
Go me.
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