Ms. Monopoly

The Walmart Monopoly game choices were all foreign to me. "Wall Street", "Ms. Monopoly" and "World of Warcraft Monopoly".  After some contemplation, I went with "Ms", figuring Monopoly is Monopoly, right? I haven't played since I was a kid, but it can't be that difficult to remember.
   We ordered out from Jose O'Shea's, and then opened the game. We immediately assigned Jim the title of banker, since he's an accountant and your job in a game should match your job in life. Harper was the boss of all the "properties", which in this game are female inventions instead of real estate. Weird. I was the boss of drinking margaritas. Again: your job in the game should match your job in life.
   I opened the rules, assuming I would have to just brush up. But it turns out I never really  understood Monopoly. Harp immediately asked how you win, and I had no answer. Jim said "When everyone else is bankrupt," and Harp said "That'll take forever," and Jim and I just laughed. Our generation played this damned game forever, and we're not sure anyone actually knows how it ends.
   I scoured the rules and discovered the bankrupt thing wasn't far off. You win when all the inventions are purchased, then you collect your rent from the bank and whoever has the most cash wins.
   The "Ms" also means that women get $240 to pass go, men get $200. Also, women start off with more cash than men.
    There was a white top hat, wrapped separately from the game pieces, with no explanation. Harper would not let me have it, declaring that it was special. It is not listed in the game guide or online. We don't know what it's for.
    I was always the iron. It's flat and moves the best. Needless to say, in "Ms" there is no iron. There is a pen and paper, a wine goblet, watch, airplane and a hand weight---none of which are mentioned as female inventions in the game, but are clearly better than the original pieces which included a dog, an iron, a race car, a wheelbarrow, a thimble and a TOP HAT. Just saying.
    Starting us off with more money and giving us more money to pass go meant nothing, as the one male in our trio still ended up owning most of the inventions, AND he got the "Get Out Of Jail Free" card. So it did us no good at all to start ahead. Because it's a board game, and it's up to chance, you can't load the odds for or against anyone. You still have to pay rent on the invention when you land, and there is no control over how many times you land. It's a silly premise.
     Every time Harp landed on an invention she would declare "YES, I WANT IT." The rules state that you must buy it when you land, but I let her think she was winning something by spending her money. She was drunk, anyway, and we were having fun.
    I also cannot read dice after three margaritas, and began to declare loudly that a five and a four equaled eight. Instead I would count spaces for each die, one at a time, as adding them became too amusing for my family.
    Thirty minutes and several margaritas into the game, Harper declared "This game is too long." This again prompted looks from Jim and I. Yes. Yes it is.
    To appease Harp who was quickly losing interest, we decided the game would be won by whoever had a property in each color scheme. It was looking like Jim for a long time, but then Harp rolled a four and got the last pink invention, "winning" the game.
    Which was fine. We had fun.
    It's still Monopoly, drunk or sober, "Ms" or not. Monopoly is monopoly, guys. Whoever has the most money wins. But playing drunk makes it infinitely more fun, that is a true statement.