A Home Improvement Post For Your Entertainment

    So after a week of getting insurance quotes, I  made no insurance decisions and instead decided it was time to fix the bathroom.
     Lemme 'splain "fix". We've lived here 12 years and the bathroom has not been touched other than to rip out a strip of wallpaper and put up dinosaur stencils. (seen below. With a hunter green background, the dinos were pink-ish). This is how I "design".

    I had grand plans for this tiny little bathroom, but as the girls grew up and Genoa became a whirling dirvish, I gave up. There is makeup smeared everywhere. The wallpaper is half heartedly peeled off in places, the tile is cracked, there is a hole in the door where G or H kicked it when they were fighting. And the piece de resistance: Harper poured KILLS down the sink drain. I told her to empty the last of the paint, it was my fault, clearly.
     Since I pledged to  Do A Thing this summer, I decided on the bathroom.
     It's not a full rip out, we can't afford to do that quite yet. I just wanted to get it to a point where guests could use it and not exit filthier than when they entered.
      Step One was to convince Genoa I was going to paint over the dinos. Harper was ready for it, she couldn't wait. But G gets weirdly attached to things. So I promised to take a picture and then frame the picture and put it in the bathroom.
      Step Two was to peel the hideous wallpaper.
 

         Once it came down, I  had to texture. That's fun in an unventilated space. Yes. Then I was ready to paint. But I had decided on light green with black door frames and maybe paint the cabinets black. Harper did not agree. So we looked at small bathrooms on pinrest and she found polka dots. Black and white polkda dots. Which work in the sink part of the bathroom, but the tile by the bathtub has pink and green in it. So we'll polka dot that room with green.
        But now it's black and white.

 It's better than it was. Did those edges, eh?

But now I have to get new switchplates, a vent, figure out what to do with the mirrors and paint polka dots.

Which means design.  (ERIC PUNG STOP LAUGHING)

Which means someone else has to finish this.

 I "design" like I "cook". It's basic, it is functional and it won't kill you.

But nobody is going to enjoy the experience.

 

I saw this great thing on pinrest -a How To tile around your mirrors. It's really awesome, but...I can't do it. It won't matter how basic it is, I will make it look ghetto. I promise. It is my gift, it is my curse.

 

But I also can't stop here, it's clean and functional but so bland.

My girls inherited by design incapabilities, so no help there.

I was thinking I'll bag the polka dots and tile and just hang pictures and plants and put scarves around the mirrors...(STOP LAUGHING KAYLEN HIGGINS)

 

Sigh.

No talent for design is like a birth defect. It's really frustrating. I once painted the hallway Bronco orange, unaware that it was Bronco orange.

 

As I was painting and thinking about the mirrors (whyOHWHY did they love unframed mirrors in the seventies?) I was like "I could do ribbon or fabric, fabric one tile the other...just frame them out.."and every time I would have to stop myself by screaming "STOP TRYING TO DESIGN! Just paint the damned walls."

So I did.

 

Anyway. I did a thing!

And while I did I wrote the greatest blogs in my head!

I have many things to say about the president, Florida, racism,profiling, aging labradors, abortion,insurace companies, college tuition, and the heat.

And all of these things were passionate in my head as I stripped and painted in a tiny, unventilated bathroom for four days.

Then I went outside and none of it mattered. There was air outside.

 

I did a thing!