5 June 2025
For deeply psychological reasons that are becoming increasingly evident, I really needed dad's car "done" before the end of this school year. DPS ends 3 June.
This district has two non student "check out days". I've only had one check out day in previous districts/buildings, so this seems extreme. They also make you strike your room and admin has to check it off.
And they give the last morning to breakfast and Year Pins--- here is your five, ten, fifteen, twenty year pin -- and they honor the retiree(s). The para has been in the district 20 years. The teacher has 30 years in the district. they gave him a glass red apple. He gave a speech. Everyone listened. Some people cried.
What planet is this?
I was in Littleton 17 years. I received a pin the first week I worked there, and didn't let the door hit me in the ass on the way out.
Hinkley did A Whole Thing with pins and years and retirees at the last awards of the year---but only that first year I was there, which was COVID.
But I digress. Or do I? Digression or part of my storytelling style; is it a digression or character development? Or regression?
I couldn't get an appointment at the Taj Mahal (the Big Jeffco Offices in Golden) before the 19th, so I decided to sign up at a small Jeffco DMV in Arvada. Because the 19th was after the school year was over, and I needed to be done by 3 June.
I have a physical title to the land yacht with my mom's name on it. My mom has signed the back, I have signed the back. I just need a clear title with MY name on it. Which the Arapahoe DMV would not do because I live in Jeffco.
After check out, I loaded my last bag---including my coffee cups---into my trunk. Which is where I had put the key to dad's car and the title with my mom's name on it, signed over to me.
I arrived at the DMV on 3 June at 12.45 for a 1 pm appointment. Immediately, the network comedy began when a teaspoon of coffee had spilled through my bag and onto the title. When I picked it up, the Apple Tag on dad's keys went off as well. The studio audience went wild over the low hanging humor fruit.
Nonplussed, I walked into the DMV. They do not have QR code scanners like the others, just humans to do check in. This human was tied up with a couple who had paid for license plates that never arrived, and the human could not even find the order. So the security guard kindly said he'd check me in.
I gave him my name.
He asked for my confirmation code. I showed him the email.
He handed my phone back "This is for the 10th. Today is the 3rd."
Blank faced, I took my phone back, leveled my voice, met his eyes with as much humor as I could muster and said "Of course it is. Okie."
I did not cry. I was not flustered. I'm resolved now. This Is My Life.
He said "Lemme do you a solid, we're slow," he punched a plastic machine and handed me a ticket number. "The folks with appointments will go first, but you'll get in."
I was called inside of five minutes to clerk #8. I get that number a lot.
She was maybe 30, and wanted to know what was spilled on the title. Because...it matters? You're printing a new one, anyway. I said "Coffee" and she weirdly replied "Good, Ok, at least it's not baby food."
HUH?!!!!!
You're looking right at me friend. I do not have a baby.
She couldn't project through her plastic barrier very well, which was a me problem apparently, so I riveted my eyes to her for our entire exchange.
"Is the car still gold?"
What a weird question. Arapahoe county cared naught for the color.
Also, when I signed the back to switch the title from mom, I dicked up writing the "9" in my address. Arapahoe county cared naught.
Jeffco was bent about it and I had to sign a "Statement Of Not Fraud" explaining that I have terrible handwriting, but that does not make me a criminal.
Then she charged me $7 for the new title, handed me the receipt and said "It will be mailed in two weeks."
WTF? Is this because you don't have any blank titles on hand, or because I botched the "9" or because you're not authorized to print new titles?
I just shrugged. I took my receipt and left.
I did not have dad's car wrapped up before the end of the school year.
But I have a receipt that says it's done. So Sunday we'll scatter his ashes, Monday I start at the pony school.
Maybe they'll mail the new title and I can sell the car to my neighbor.
Maybe OPM will mail me information on being the beneficiary for dad's post office retirement.
Maybe the VA will mail information on mom being the beneficiary for dad's Navy retirement.
Maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt.
Scene
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