"Did you find your room OK?" the older teacher, who was not as old as they looked, glanced up at the new teacher as they entered the office. It was an eclectic office, as the department chair the older teacher had access to a big more privacy than the rest of the language arts staff. There were notes from students on a bulletin board along with a Boettcher award plaque, from at time before
It is not 1974, and I am not Hunter S. Thompson. So this will not be a very exciting post if that is your comparison, which it is if you are my age.
It took us 10.5 hours from Denver to Vegas, leaving Denver at 4 am. We got out of Colorado in four hours. This is the trick: get through the mountains before everybody who moved here hits the road. Traffic on I 70 west has always been a bugaboo in the summer months and during ski season, but now that our population has exploded a thousand percent, every highway in every direction is jammed, all of the time. One of the great things about the lockdowns during Covid was being able to actually drive on the highways, not sit in stop and start traffic.
In contrast, it took 12 hours to return, leaving LV at 11 am. Was it driving in 105 degree heat most of the way? Possibly. It was also stupid traffic on the I15, which honestly happened en route as well. Amazon truck drivers are playing some sort of Speedway game, jockeying for position by lining up in all three lanes when there is a "Climbing Lane". What's a "Climbing Lane?" Utah, you're weird.
This short post was largely to share with you the deliberate, military grade bug Kamikaze attack that occurred at 8:30 pm on I 70 eastbound between Silt and Glenwood Springs. I have never been in bug cyclone, but here it was. It was hailing bugs. I had to turn on the windshield wipers and blast the fluid to avoid an accident. It was so thick, I had to pull over in Glenwood to scrape off my windshield. Unprecedented, and no thank you.
It's been over 20 years since I've been to Las Vegas. I do not gamble or like crowds or heat, so it was a surprise to me that I agreed it would be a fun time. This would be a prime example of the game I've been playing for over a year: Covid, Menopause or Dementia? One of those explains why the idea of Vegas popped into my head in the first place. After 14 months, at home you have to admit that Vegas is a great way to just rip off the band aid instead of slowly peeling it back. Don't stand at that massive door to the future and peek through the keyhole, rip the thing off its hinges and plunge through. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead, etc etc blah blah blah.
We checked the temperatures the week before we left, and we knew it was getting hot out there. But it's Vegas, so it's always hot, right?
Not this hot. We checked. The July average is 105 degrees.
Turns out this is the hottest it has been since the dinosaurs roamed the strip. On Wednesday it hit 115 degrees. I also question why we are counting degrees above 110, anyway, as this is clearly where a human brain ceases to function. I remember driving through death valley in the early 2000's and the giant thermometer read "120" and I said "Why are we even counting that high?" It's fine. Just stop at 110. I posited this idea to another human , who countered "The number is actually 112, I've seen it happen." Discuss. I'll wait.
Welcome back. The average high in Las Vegas in July is 105 degrees. So, it's 115 degrees in Las Vegas in July of 2021 and it "cools off" to 100 by midnight. Really? Another conversation with someone about weather and science brought up the concern that the heat nationwide this summer is not just unprecedented, but is accompanied by the stubborn refusal to cool off at night. This is not good. But you gotta give Vegas their propers, they are prepared for anything. There were no rolling blackouts or governor requests to turn the A/C down to 71. I'm looking at you, Texas. Fix your power grid.
Quite the opposite is happening down there, as per their personality, the weather upped the ante and Vegas said "Hold my daiquiri". They have those mist columns on the walkways to at least try and attempt to keep people from overheating, but human heatstroke is inevitable in a place that allows human beings to drink alcohol from ten am to ten am, sucking daiquiris through plastic yard glasses built like sippy cups. Alcohol naturally dehydrates, everyone knows that until they get to Vegas. I suppose the ice in the daiquiri counts as water to the Vegas Visitor. To be fair, we only witnessed one heatstroke victim at the Guy Fieri restaurant, his girlfriend called over the server, who then got a local medical person who emerged from nowhere to check in this guy. We thanked the server (she was ours as well) for being so kind and attentive and she smiled and said "People don't know to drink water. It's hotter than it's every been here, this is not the usual." She said this while wearing what appeared to be a denim fabric patterned shirt and pants. I really hope that was just the pattern, not the actual fabric, or I will have to call Guy Fieri and explain to him how to costume his crew.
As long as we're at the Guy Fieri Vegas Kitchen at the Linq, let's start there. We stayed at The Linq- 5/10 recommend (I'll explain later)- largely because Harp wanted to go to his restaurant, which resides there. We got lucky, after the High Roller Ferris wheel, we landed there for dinner about 6 pm. The restaurants in this hotel are only open until 9 pm. I get it, they want you gambling, but it's annoying because I like to drink late, thank you, and I've become accustomed to doing so in hotel bars so I can just stumble up to my room. Also, Guy's is only open until 9:30 on the week days and 10:30 on the weekends. That sounds great to have a drink, but the wait line for a table snaked back through the casino on Wednesday night and there is no real option to just sit at the bar and drink. We were given a wait time on Tuesday of 25 minutes, which was only about 10 minutes in reality. The staff were truly nice while being completely slammed. Part of the wait issue was clearly that people wanted to be seated inside as it was 112 degrees outside. We sat on the patio, well shaded and our server made sure we had plenty of water. I was not expecting much in the way of decent food, as all chains carrying famous names are disappointing.
Not The Case With Guy's Place.
Our food was fabulous. Huge portions, and "flavorful" as Guy would say. I had his take on a French Dip with peppers that was frabjous. Harp got a mac and cheese burger, there is no wrong here. It wasn't just a patty thrown on a grill with Kraft Mac and Cheese plopped on the top, it was seasoned beef, fresh bread and creamy home made macaroni and cheese. Harp said her first favorite thing about Vegas was the drink she got, a lemonade cocktail of some kind, I did not catch the name of it, but again, the drinks were like the food: unique, well thought out and perfectly executed. 11/10 recommend, worth the wait (even though we didn't really have to). I commented that I have never seen such a huge kitchen turn out great food like that. They also do take out. That earned them the bonus point.
Gratuitous Food Photo:
We watched two different families come into the restaurant and be seated on the patio as part of our dinner and a show. There was Heatstroke Guy in the first scene. Then a family with two toddler daughters stayed for maybe fifteen minutes. Long enough to look over the menu and get water, and then they left without eating. I suspect that there was nothing their girls wanted on the menu, which I again wonder WHY IN BLUE PERFECT HEAVEN ARE YOU BRINGING YOUR CHILDREN TO LAS VEGAS?! We saw a lot of families, and it bothered me every time.
The second family to be seated next to us on the patio had a Karen mom. She refused to use her smart phone to view the menu. She had an iPhone, and indicated it when she told the server she did not have a phone that she could use. I have no idea what her deal was, since Covid entered our lives all restaurants use this method. She insisted on a paper copy, which the server, who was also our server, provided. She then wanted a paper copy of the drink menu, which they did not have. The server kindly and patiently offered to recite all of their drinks, but in sheer frustration over her difficult life and the abject unwillingness of the neglectful staff to print a paper copy of the drink menu to Meet Her Needs, Karen gathered her husband and nine year old son and left, shaking her head in disappointment. I bet Guy got an email from her. It was112 degrees on that patio in the shade, and I watched servers knock themselves out with smiles and hustle and extra water, chatting up guests and doing everything they could to not acknowledge the unrelenting, record breaking heat. This woman was wrong. It's not that difficult to be nice.
While we're on food, the Blueberry Hill Family Restaurant was the best breakfast we had. It's outside the strip, we went to the one on Decatur, a $20 cab ride well worth it. There are three locations, I hear they're all wonderful. This one, in Family Center, also had a gift shop attached that we did not enter, as there was a Broadwayesque lighted sign placed in the center of the shop that said "THE WORD", below it was a Bible display. No matter. We met a former student of mine and her husband who work in the entertainment industry. They are Elite Creations LCC and here is the tag from their website: "Anything Worth Doing Is Worth Doing Awesome" # Costumes # Sculptures # Props. They are theatre artists who've found a niche in Vegas creating pieces for the hotel opening parties and piecework for film and overseas, as well as installations like "Jurassic Quest's Dinosaur World" in Houston. It's so cool, they are so cool and they are living the dream, and they were able to get enough work to make it through the shutdowns, unlike so many of their friends in the industry. Blueberry Hill is their "go to", and it's always good to know a local and ask where to eat. They didn't want to deal with the strip, as locals I guess you learn that's a shit show to get in and out of (Oy Vey with getting an Uber to get out of the strip and come fetch you from anywhere else). This place was a great diner, giant portions and a chicken and waffles with seasoned instead of fried chicken strips to die for. Harp got the blueberry pancakes, which were easily enough to feed two people, and she made little progress but gave the flavor a thumbs up, 10/10 recommend.
When we first arrived at The Linq, we were overwhelmed. We had to google the parking structure (we drove) and navigate finding the front desk, where we discovered a kiosk for check in. UGH. No humans work in this place except behind the Black Jack tables. We arrived early, so paid a $50 early check in fee, managed to figure out the rest to get to our room, which was smaller than advertised. It did overlook the pool, there was that. The Linq is right next to the Flamingo and was built in 1959 as one of the first on the strip. They've done nothing cool over the years to maintain the 60's charm of the rooms, simply kept them livable. We dropped our luggage and returned to the casino to get our bearings. All the bars in the casino and in the restaurants attached to the casino had electronic black jack around the bar, indicating you cannot drink without playing. Not Cool. I need a bar, thank you, A Bar that I can just drink at. There are other ways to take my money, guys. We stumbled to the Mexican restaurant, which was largely empty, only to be told there was a ten minute wait. For what? We just said OK, and walked around until they beeped us. When we were seated, we walked through an empty restaurant with a few tables taken by the bar, which opened to the promenade. We just shook our heads, just another stupid corporate ploy to make people walk around the casino. Like we didn't NOTICE it was there when we walked through it to get to this restaurant. As we ate (no food review, it was OK) we watched people trying to enter from the promenade side being told it was ten minute wait, when they could see empty tables in the restaurant. After Covid, we've all been very patient with short staffed establishments, but that did not seem to be an issue here. It appeared to be a weird company policy, that made no sense for those standing in 110 degree heat. One woman stood her ground and was seated immediately, and I thought "That's using your Karen for good instead of evil". We watched the faces of the others who were told it was a ten minute wait for an empty restaurant, and many of them just turned around and walked away. There are other places to eat, but to be fair, everyone had a wait. I just don't know why this place had one. Guy Fieri's was clearly packed and on a wait for a reason. 5/10 do not recommend.
We walked to the Ferris wheel to see just how high it was, and Harp said "Got it" and turned away. I didn't know what that meant, but it was hot and the Tilted Kilt along the Promenade was both open and did not have a wait, nor did they have Black Jack at the bar: win! So we toddled in for a drink. It took two hostesses a full five minutes of Doing Something Else before they even looked at us. Yes, you're very pretty, please do your job. We were found two spots at the bar and the bartender was attentive and nice and our new best friend. In my older years I find I'm not so mad at women who barely dress for work as I used to be. Leave them alone, it's not my business and they're making a living. We have a Tilted Kilt in Denver, and I've never gone in, exclaiming that it's just a Hooters in plaid mini skirts. In Vegas, looking for a place to sit at a bar and not have to gamble, I no longer cared what the staff wore. Funny how that works. And the male bar backs all wore kilts as well, which was adorable. You heard me. Theirs were full length, unlike their female coworkers. It was cute because it was hot and I was quickly becoming grumpy about the bars in the hotel and the boys' real kilts made me smile. Winner winner chicken dinner.
As we sat, I asked H about the Ferris wheel, as I wasn't sure if we were going to do it. Neither one of us are big on heights, and even though she's much braver, her face when she saw how high it actually was suggested she had her doubts. She decided to make a reservation on her phone, and while on the site said "We can get a bar car and drink at the top" to which I replied "Sweet". We had to leave immediately to get our timed ticket, and walked past people waiting for tickets (good call, Harp), straight to the entrance. The High Roller Ferris Wheel is the tallest in the world, they boast. Turns out, it really is (look it up). It takes 30 minutes to make its rotation, and the air conditioned pods can hold ten people. It does not stop to load or unload, which I question in a town where everyone is drunk. I also question this choice if you're offering a bar car, but hey, as I keep saying "There are no bad ideas in Vegas". Harp opted out of the bar car, she was afraid she'd be too afraid of the height to drink. It's a slow ride, a quiet ride and a perfectly safe ride. You get to see Vegas from a vantagepoint that flatters the city. The ride runs from 4 pm to midnight Monday through Thursday, and noon to midnight Friday through Sunday. We went during the day, clearly, I think it'd be quite the view at night. We wanted to do it to say we did it. 10/10 recommend, it's safe, air conditioned, it doesn't hitch or make any clanky noises or stop.
The Mob Museum is a Must See. It's off the strip, we took an Uber from Blueberry Hill, which was a $14 ride. The museum is two blocks from the original Vegas strip on Fremont, but in 115 degrees there is little desire to walk what feels like eight blocks. The museum was playing Frank Sinatra when we arrived- there are speakers on the outside so you can hear the music. We got our timed tickets online before arriving, but still had to wait in a short line to receive our wrist bands. This museum is interactive, but there is a lot to read and look at. It has three floors, all of which have short films, artifacts, biographical information on key players in The Mob as well as "The Valentine's Day Massacre Wall". It's really the wall, the bricks were taken apart and numbered and sold for a few years, but finally found a home at the museum. It Was So Cool. You can choose interactive add-ons as well, we did the CSI crime scene one where we compared our fingerprints to gangsters as well DNA samples (not ours). Totes corny but we enjoyed ourselves. We also got to do an "autopsy". You can choose target practice or the distillery tour as well. We chose the distillery as our second, but once we were downstairs in the Speakeasy we just parked it and drank. It was my favorite place: flapper memorabilia, a functioning bar, booze in a vending machine (there are no bad ideas in Vegas)and a room with a secret entrance! It's part of the museum, you can go down with your entry ticket and drink of course, but on Friday and Saturday nights, they have live music and you can enter from the street side of the building. There is a password, and they post it on Instagram. Next time I am here, and it is not 115 degrees and maybe their road construction is complete, I will try it. Not now, as getting an Uber in that neighborhood- "Old Vegas"- was a challenge.
Things about Vegas I had forgotten or did not consider:
Record breaking heat that would impact the desire to walk around properties.
Uber drivers are scarce outside the strip.
Everything happens at night, and there are not enough museums to take up your day.
Get tickets online ahead of time, weeks before if possible, months for the shows as they start to open.
Never forget Las Vegas' central purpose is to separate you from your money. That's what has always been beautiful about that town, their sheer honesty regarding why they exist. Expect price gouging, but don't toss your money at them every time. Sometimes it is not worth it.
They are not fully reopen yet. The two Cirque shows that reopened, O and Mystere, sell out months ahead of time. I think they were sold out before they reopened. The shows will get there, remember they are live actors and acrobats whose bodies and voices have not been working out at their regular job for 14 months. By September there should be a few more open, and I would guess it'll be back in full swing by the holidays. Nothing says CHRISTMAS like a fully lit Vegas.
There's a good chance you are not going to be able to accomplish everything you wanted to do, either due to time constraints, unexpected cost or the sheer fact that emotionally, you are not ready to be in Vegas quite yet.
As I said, I haven't been to Las Vegas in twenty years. I was not prepared to experience it now, it was too much for someone whose been locked down for over a year. I will return, calling this trip my "Reconnaissance Visit". I live in Denver, I'm a short, cheap plane ride away or a 22 hour drive, round trip. I'm going back.
