I had a pretty emotionally rough few years. I was grasping for anything to hold on to that I could control. In the fall of 2018 I decided Keto was the thing I could control, and I lost 25 pounds. It was a great distraction and kept me focused, and I got to see real results.
Then on March 16, 2020,Polis closed restaurants and bars and spas and gyms and I was told I had an extended spring break, which I spent making sure I knew at least the basics of google classroom.I also decided that, because the grocery store was wiped out of anything I usually purchased and I was having minor panic attacks every time I entered, that purchasing the same type of muffin mix and making muffins daily was the best choice.
Four months later and I've not only put back on the 25#, but an additional five pounds for good measure. None of my pants fit, which works out for teaching virtually this fall! I don't have to wear pants to work. Score.
My house was too clean for months, and I got bored keeping it up, so I let it go to hell and slept a lot, just so I could wake up one day and believe I actually needed to clean my house.
I did spent a chunk of June in google classroom classes, focusing like a cat stalking a rabbit. It was way more intense than it should have been, and my fellow teachers and those leading the class were quite generous about how many times I emailed questions. I think I wrote a blog about it, but I can't remember now. But the fountain out here is pretty, I like it.
The list of things I could or should be doing kept growing, and I would stare at them every morning over my coffee and choose which ones I would be ignoring today.
Theatre is not what I do, it's who I am. What I realized this means is that if I don't have a deadline, I won't be doing anything, thanks. Harp and I created a few rituals around food--see above, who weighs 30 pounds more now?--I'd get up and make her breakfast, run errands sometimes, or drive to Evergreen for no reason. We drove through Tiny Town, Confier, Evergreen, St. Mary's Glacier. One day we went to Longmont, neither one of us knows why. Then I had a very strict 2pm nap time.I'd get up and stretch, maybe, or shower, possibly, and make sure I had not done the things I said I would not do on my list. At four, if I didn't know what I was making for dinner, I'd go to the store. I hate the store. I have come to loathe the grocery store. I switch between King Soopers and Safeway just to give myself something different to hate every day. Safeway has those arrows bossing me up and down the aisle, whereas King Soopers only bosses me to wait six feet apart from people while in line.5pm is The Goldbergs and making dinner. Then the cocktail hour begins.
Last week, I realized that I've spent so much time at the grocery store and in my house and not doing anything because there is no deadline, that I talk to myself whilst shopping. I wasn't aware is was doing it until another shopper stopped and stared at me. I think she thought I was talking to her, but I was not. I was chatting up the cheese. I like cheese a lot. Cheese is a good food group and we get along pretty well. I mean, unless you look at my butt, then you may think we do not get along, that cheese is attacking me out of hatred.I guess I figured if nobody can see my mouth 'cause of the mask, they also cannot hear me? Solid logic.
I cannot remember a single name of any of my students from spring semester. If I am driving to some place that is not Evergreen or the grocery store, which is rare, I have to say it outloud at every stop sign or I'll end up at the store.
I've also clearly stopped caring about tenses or verbage when I write. Time has no meaning, why should grammar?
Some days I don't shower at all. There is not a point. I marvel at how neither Jim or Harp have told me I stink, and have decided that I do not. I am a neutral smelling entity with no brain left who has decided hummingbirds are spiritual and Harp's new kitten is someone we used to know, reincarnated.
I wrote what I thought was an hilarious, racist review of Hamilton as I believe "Karen" would have responded to seeing the musical, but Jjim made me unpublish it because it was too mean. I thought it was hilarious. But again, I am clearly no longer sane, so I should not be trusted.
I have no coherent blogs because all I can do is come up with a title, and then when I start writing, nothing makes any sense. and I now need a Facebook Anonymous group, because it's like watching a train wreck and I can't turn away. I'm rubbernecking on facebook. Oh well. It's fine,I'm fine,stop looking at me.
I'm fine.
