Back in November--ish, I thought it'd be fun to go audition for a musical again.
Not a real musical, not professional or semi professional or regional. not Arvada Center or anyone who pays, nothing hard core. I don't want to feel stupid and get rejected, I just want to get out there again and maybe feel stupid OR get rejected.
Community theatre. Like, real, genuine, working out of a church everybody builds and strikes "I have a Mr. Microphone and you have a barn, let's do a show, Skippy" and age is no barrier Community Theatre.
Originally this group, who are associated with PAA-or at least with the Methodist Church- was doing Oklahoma. I did not sign up for auditions, because I Hate Oklahoma.
I am not the only one who feels this way about Oklahoma, apparently, as they changed the show to Godspell due to low audition sign ups.
I also, by the way, hate Godspell. Hippies in clown face telling bible stories is not my idea of a good show.
However, it's not Oklahoma, and I'm looking for audition experience. I haven't auditioned for a musical in ...dinosaur years. I feel like getting back into it after Steel Magnolias. Sure, why not? I signed up. The worst that can happen is I don't get cast. Cool. I don't want to get cast, see the above paragraph. I just want to get back out there again and work out the rust and kinks, and distract myself from the fact that I'm not directing the LHS musical. And Community theatre people I sort of kind of know is a great place to fail.
I show up for my audition. There are about ten people, ages ranging from 10 to 70. Cool. Community theatre.
The director stands up. Shit. She's a parent. I directed her daughters.
The musical director stands up. Shit. He's My Boss at PAA. Shit. Shit. I can't escape, there are only ten of us.
The musical director then says "This is a no cut show, so relax. You all have a part."
Shit. Shit Shit shitshitshitshitdoubleshit.
It's OK to cuss, this is a Methodist church.
Fine. Fine.
There is an entire family in the front row. Is that mom and dad with...four kids? All auditioning. They are known to the directors, apparently they are veterans of this company.
A delightful elderly couple-veterans of this company- stand and sing the National Anthem with harmonies.
I almost cried.
I'm in.
They had me at the National Anthem.
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The cast list comes out. I am given a role called "Morgan". I have an entire song to myself.
Shit.
I look it up online, it's a sexy song.
Shit.
Me? Well....Community theatre.
I consider declining. I'm given the opportunity to do so. I hear Nathan Lane in my head "I'm a short, fat, insecure thing." This is true, and I cannot do this song.
There was very little dancing at the audition, and even though there is a choreographer she assures us the dancing is minimal. God I hope so: MC/ACL reboot + arthritis + motorcycle accident = I move like I'm 80.
I do not decline. I accept.
I do not fetch my script over Christmas as instructed, as I can't read music and I'm not sure what good the script will do me. Also, this show is written for 9-13 people and it appears there are over 20 on the cast list plus about ten children. Likely they'll break up the lines, anyway, so no worries.
The first rehearsal in January I sit in a giant circle of what seems like 100 people, unable to gauge my own age. Am I that old? Is she my age? Am I fatter than she is? She's younger than me, she's younger, he's Jesus, she's Judas...everybody knows everybody, I sit awkwardly in my chair with my script and pretend to be immersed in the music, which is greek to me. I also have started the New Year with a delightful plague like ailment that has stolen my upper singing range and plugged my ears.
So, in short: First musical rehearsal in 20 years and I cannot read music,sing, nor hear a pitch.
Everything that sucks about being an actor returns to me in a rush. Every insecurity: my age, my weight, my voice, my clogged ears, judgment...all the raw and pure joy I felt while watching the couple at auditions has vanished.
Shit.
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I choose to continue on.
Even though the movie of this show is dumb and it wishes it was HAIR.
I embark on the first musical rehearsals.
The family from auditions is a family, but not a couple: there is a brother (playing Jesus) and two sisters (one playing Judas-community theatre). They are company veterans and they are actual, real musicians. Shit.
I cannot read music. My clogged head also prevents me from hearing pitches. Which is fine, the Alto 2 isn't in the chord, anyway.
The New Year's Plague has killed my upper vocal range, so I couldn't sing the harmonies even if I could read or hear them. And they're largely higher than I think, because I'm not always the Alto 2 and/or Stephen Schwartz is a musical theatre dick who writes everything too high. Why do they do that? It's a soprano part, stop calling them altos.
Screw it. I can sing with the tenors. I can hear their notes. Maybe nobody will notice.
Kay, turns out Dr. Jim is really good at his job, no more singing with the tenors.
I decide to get outside help. I am not getting this. I have listened to the CD and recorded rehearsals, and this is beyond me. I enlist my musically inclined co-worker to pound notes on the piano for me to record (I also do not play the piano), and I contact a high school friend who is a vocal coach to work with me. These two people, combined with the CD in my car, the music playing in my office, me using my off periods to work on it and my husband plunking notes on the guitar, get me to a passable point.
Passable.
Vocally, I no longer feel like the weak link. It took a team of highly trained professionals, but I can say I Do Not Suck.
I'm not Patti or Bernadette, and I still miss notes. Which is fine until they mike me. Tenors....?
Choreography is not "hardly any at all". It's a lot of kneeling and moving fast while singing, and singing while pounding a chair and turning around and I can' t do this.
Originally the director wanted the two men to lift me during my song, an iron cross lift, that caused me great distress. Thankfully the sheer terror coming off of me was picked up by the director, who killed it. The entire time she was blocking it, I couldn't hear a word she said due to Nathan Lane screeching in my head.
I think it's my age, or the remnants of the motorcycle concussion, until I start paying attention to other people. Funny how that works. Pull your head out of your ass and you realize you aren't the only one struggling. Ahhhhh.....I breathe a bit.
And then they miked me.
Well shit.
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THINGS I HAVE THOUGHT AT REHEARSAL FOR GODSPELL
"Why is Jesus always a tenor?"
"Why is Jesus always white? And a little guy...."
"My foot hurts, can I go to the nurse?"
"I can' t hear it, is it in the chord?"
"Can I sit down? Can the adults please sit down?"
"Can I sit down? Can the adults please sit down?"
"Can I be Nathan Lane?"
"I can't do this...what is that note?"
"I can't hear it."
"I can't hear it."
"They said hardly any choreography, kneeling counts as choreography. It counts a lot."
"What happens if I kneel and just never get up again?"
"What happens if I kneel and just never get up again?"
"I am the Weak Link in this show."
"Everybody is judging how old I am."
"I'm a short, fat, insecure thing."
"Why is everybody so damned nice? Are they going to kill me at curtain call?"
"How come no note I sing ever is in the chord?"
"It's not my knees, or my hips, it's the damned arthritis in my feet. Well, that's settled."
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To SUM UP
This show is stupid and wishes it was HAIR.
The revival is a pretty astounding re-imagining of what is, essentially, a dumb show.
Hippies telling parables. UGH.
But the changes to the music make the music inspiring and glorious once you get IN. At first blush it was like "Beautiful Balloon" for two hours. UGH. Nobody needs that.
UGH, kryssi can't read music.
UGH it's written for 9-11 people. Community theatre says: 25 people plus 10 random children. UGH UGH
And kryssi can't read music.
And it's hard, it's in 8 parts in places. He gave me the 2nd alto...for that song....2nd soprano for that song...oh wait, I'm the melody....2nd alto notes aren' t in the chord, they are the resolve. UGH.
I was sick the first three weeks of rehearsal and so couldn't sing, anyway, so he didn't know I can't read music until recently. Bonus.
But ever since I started rehearsals, I feel lighter. I like listening to the music, I play it to yoga to in the morning.
I looked up the Broadway album, the Broadway cast, watched Broadway.now videos....
I am actually working at something I don't usually do, and I'm making progress. It feels nice.
The cast ( all 250 of them) are annoying church going Methodists who say "Good morning" and mean it.
They smile at me and say I'm doing great, and they are positive and WHO DOES THAT IN THEATRE?
UGH.
I 'm not saying it won't suck to WATCH, nobody's required to come. But it doesn't suck to be IN it.
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