The weirdness of Allowing.

This is not my story to tell in full, like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern I am on the periphery. Such is a parent's lot.

I struggle with control and anxiety. I know this is shocking. I am getting better and worse. Teenagers do that to you.

I do not get people who do not plan ahead. I was raised by a man who ran the car out of gas in a snowstorm, more than once, and never made a hotel or restaurant reservation in his life. We went to the movies one time and he forgot his wallet. Planning ahead and communication are not my watch words, they are my peace. I am unsettled if I don't know ahead of time what the plan is. I drive G and H bananas as after 19 years of parenting, I am truly a nag.  I ask more than once where they  are going, what the plan is, did they remember their wallet, do they have gas money, a phone charger....

You hate me now, too, just based on that.

So Genoa vaguely said " a friend from school is going to be in town, can she stay with us for two days or so?" and I said yes, thinking  plans were  in place. The friend is from school, maybe stopping in Denver en route to Durango...I made it all up in my head. The planning alleviated any anxiety.

However, the friend in question is more of an acquaintance, made through other friends. Her plans to get here were to ride with another friend to Pierce, then G would get her and she'd hang with us.

That vague plan turned into G and H driving for 5 hours trying to locate where the friend was going to be dropped off. They got home at 5 am. From Wyoming. I did not sleep that night.

The timing is bad, I start school next week, and my first response when I found out she was not a "planning person" , that she wasn't a student, was that a dirty hippie was going to wreck my well planned-unplanning. I was embarrassingly flailing my arms while walking with Jim, who interpreted my anxiety as "hide the silverware" when I realized I should just allow.

A 21 year old whose travel depends on the kindness of friends or friends of friends or acquaintances is a brave soul. The fact that she arrived late, and in Wyoming, is not necessarily her fault, she wasn't driving.

I wanted to be kind and supportive. She's a nice kid, a certifiable hippie who lives in Nevada and works construction. Very quiet.

As Rosencrantz ( or am I Guildenstern?)I am unsure of the dynamic of their relationship. but Lack of Communication causes other issues, and hurt feelings, and nobody's sure of anything. Which is a joyful place when you are in an established friendship, and painful and awkward when you barely know one another.

And so I wrote this short piece. Because I allowed. I did not worry about other people's schedules (except when it effected my car), or their lack of communication (until G asked for advice) or try to control any aspect of the visit...and the final words were "Well, the lesson here is communicate, thoroughly, ask questions, be kind but firm, and make a plan. Because as beautiful as the idea of being a hippie is, unless you are staying with other hippies things are going to be weird.

No matter how much you allow.