Only Six Days Left, How Did I Get Here?

      My district has chosen to put the high schools on a crazy 20 day online session arrangement. We are virtual until October, longer than any other Colorado school I believe, with the very strong possiblity that we will stay online through the fall. With all the Covid spikes in schools, I'd say we made the proper choice. I was able to write a blog about the first week, and then I went under.  Our model means I see kids live for three hour blocks--you read that correctly, one class is three hours--- four days a week and I have to load a plan into Google Classroom for Fridays, which are not live. It's the planning that is so exhausting.

    There are so many teacher voices out there right now that I am just white noise. Please listen to those who are being forced into their buildings. Please listen to those who are now doing double planning duty in a hybrid universe. They have real problems that their school boards need to address. 

    I have no real problems, I'm just tired. I do not believe I have worked this hard since I was a first year teacher. To paint a picture, I was a first year teacher wtih two small children. I had to learn how to teach while teaching, as I was in the TIR program. I was in two departments, language arts and theatre, neither of which was "part time" as far as the time spent planning, teaching and directing went. I started tapping my nose when I picked up a sixth class in the building and students began to mock me by tapping their own noses. My blood pressure skyrocketed. I could feel salt in my eyeballs.

  I am working harder now than I did then.

  At least, when I started 18 years ago, I was in the building. I taught in a theatre and a classroom, and my TIR classes were in a building downtown. I was blissfully unencumbered by technology other than my beloved red slider phone and of course, the usual theatre stuff, which can be trouble shot on site with a little patience and a lot of name calling. 

   Google Suite cannot hear me when I call it names.

   There is a section of our evaluations as teachers on technology. I refused to even use the laptop and projector in my room until I was bullied into it by a low mark on my eval. No matter how hard I argued, they would not acquiesce that untangling a light board issue--which is a computer --counted as technology. So I would show You Tube videos on my projector/lap top rig:check this box.After seven years, I was bullied into creating a website that I never used in the name of checking a box on my eval. I would use Infinite Campus for attendance and grading, and...that was it.  

   My struggle with tech has been documented for years. I was world famous in my previous district. There was a tech guy who had been working for the district for years but had never set foot in our building until me. Even he was impressed when he sat down to untangle something that he figured would be easy. "I have  no idea what happened," he mumbled. I laughed. "Nobody ever does. It's just me."

   When I switched districts I had to at least learn the basicis of google classroom, as the kids were all using it with the sub. I used it sparingly until the shut down, at which point I had no idea how to do...anything. I was using google chat to text because I had no idea how to schedule a google meet. I still do not have a clue, the district drops the meet link into our classroom for us. THANK GOD.

   I spent the summer in  google classes honestly working through all of this "interactive" stuff Google Suite has to offer. First of all, it's not interactive. Moving a word on a virtual sticky note to a virtual white board isn't interactive. Which is pretty much what all of the Google Suite stuff boils down to. There are a lot of teachers who love this stuff, it makes sense to them and they wield it like I wield verbs on stage,and good for them. But it isn't interactive, please stop calling it that. Theatre classes on stage performing improv, combat and mime is interactive. I invite you to prove otherwise. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

  My first issue is that I don't want to do any of this. I Don't Want To. I teach theatre. I can teach online and create a theatre history, lit or appreciation class, but that is not going to engage freshmen in high school. They signed up to fake fight, play improv games be silly. That isn't happening in front of a screen at their kitchen table, no matter how many jamboards or pear decks or screentastifies or flipgrids you throw at them. They're still alone, creating alone, performing alone. They can't even meet in a park and film a scene with their phone because they don't know anyone else in the class. 

   Then there's the fun internet connection issue. Not for my kids, again my district is the bomb and everyone has a chrome book and access to the internet. I mean my internet, my service that I "bundle" and pay many hundreds of dollars a month for the privelege. I'm teaching from home, and clearly, nobody else in the Green Mountain area is teaching from home (I live near two other teachers in another district, also teaching from home, so this is sarcasm) so weekdays at 9.30 am are the perfect time to shut it off for maintenence. Without warning. Just...blip. I'm out of the meeting. Mid sentence. Much to my surprise, when I got the connection back thirty minutes later, the kids were still in the meet. They were just chatting each other up and one said "It's OK Miss, it was like a real class. We just got to know each other."

   Aweee....

   The first week I tried all of the technology I had learned over the summer. None of it worked. See my shocked face?  I was suspicious of the jamboard, so I contacted the Google Goddess in my building. I told her I suspected that it worked, they just weren't using it. I could not discern which which. I was right. I had to babysit them as they took fifteen minutes writing four words on a virtual sticky note and placing it on a virtual white board. No wonder classes are three hours. Sheesh.

   At first the whole whining over not being on stage was getting in my way. But after the first week, once we all just accepted the reality of a Theatre Appreciation and History Course From Home, it was fun. I adore teaching this aspect and I never get to do it, because I've always had ravenous beasts in front of me chewing their way to the stage. But now we have no choice but to learn history and analysis and they're digging it. Usually the hook for Intro is combat. I do that first, because that gets them into class. Who doesn't love fake fighting? But this time, the hook was learning that the Romans used to throw Christians to the lions. Apparently, none of these people go to church, or have learned any history, because none of them knew about it. We spent twenty minutes looking up other sources to prove I wasn't lying. You can imagine how much fun boys playing girls in Elizabethan theatre was to learn about. When we did Kabuki and the suicide plays, one kid interrupted and said "Now that ain't no real reason to kill yourself, man. Why they do that? That's just crazy, Miss." Which prompted a bit more research into the Shogunate and another round of "No way, this was real?"

   Somehow, I made it here. We have six days left. These sessions are three hours long, four days a week live (say "synchronous" one more time) and Fridays are A Synchronous (you said it, I have to kill you). So In a week, I see them for twelve hours.

    For a theatre class that does not have a stage.

    And I have to teach this class two more times.

    I have somehow managed to get this group of 24 freshmen through a speech, the Greeks, Romans and Elizabethan history, Kabuki, mime,  performing two characters in one body ("One Man Show" like John Leguizamo) , poetry interp, reading The Odd Couple, breaking down a monologue and writing a critical review. In six days we will perform the monologue, teach the class A Thing They Can Do and perform a sock puppet scene from The Odd Couple.

   I only teach for three hours a day, as I only have the am class this session, but I stay in front of the screen and plan until at least one pm every day. Then I have to grade, track down missing kids, give feed back on their flipgrids, stay in touch with Thespians, feed all the animals in my house, clean the cat boxes, mop the floors, grocery shop, make dinner...because I can't sit in front of a screen for eight hours a day as it is,but this model has me on call 24/7. Next session I will be setting stronger boundaries.

    Which is why I stopped writing. I can't sit in front of the screen any more. I had to force myself this morning.

    Every year there is some new thing, some new acronym that's going to revolutionize education, or hold us more accountable shoved down our collective throats and I say "That's it, this is the thing that is going to drive me out of teaching."

     I was wrong in the past...

     We'll see.

     

How So Much Anger Has Deepened My Depression aka "Get Off Of Facebook You Twit!"

  When we were all in this together, sometime between 16 March and 24 March, there was hope. I  had friends and colleagues who did not hesitate to start stitching masks. They were exchanging them for other goods, bartering instead of asking for money. The art teacher who was taking money (or  wine or hand sanitizer) used the money to start a fund to help kids at her school. I went to four different stores looking for toilet paper for my inlaws, who had to quarantine. On Facebook there was a steady stream of trapped at home human beings doing the best they could by playing dumb acebook games like "Which Harry Potter Character Are You" and I wasn't annoyed, because they were doing what they needed to stay sane. To have a reason to get up in the morning. 

To stave off depression.

Then in all just stopped. Dr. Fauci and Trump got sideways. Our government embarrassingly argued over helping us get through this financially. George Floyd was murdered. Suddenly, Facebook was flooded with opposing political screaming and nobody seemed to care about one another any more.

Quarantine was hard enough. This sucks for everyone, we've all been hit emotionally and financially. We were there for each other for ten minutes, taking photos of our gardens and talking to neighbors across the street, and then it was over. 

Now, I don't dare click a news article and read the comments, it will send me into a tailspin. I read these nasty posts and I wonder if these people were always this horrible? How is it possible they have been this nasty for years and have anyone friending them on Facebook? The more likely answer is that they aren't handling this well. COVID has done one thing very succinctly: it has revealed who we are. 

It's not OK to say "Teachers are lazy and just don't want to work" when reading an article about schools going online. I question your reading comprehension skills, honestly, as clearly every article has stated "Schools may go online". This means teachers are working. "Online" is not code for "Not Working". How dare you scream at those who are educating your child? And how dare you suggest that when we teachers draw a line and say "enough" that it's because we're cowards and should "just go back to work." Again, please re read the article: we are working. We would simply like our own health and the health of our families to be taken into consideration, for the first time ever. We didn't complain when we were told we are bullet shields between a shooter and your child. But you've forgotten all about that, haven't you? Because you lost your job or had to work through the quarantine because your company went out of business or furloughed you or is a greedy business who cares not a lick for your safety, so you are taking it out on us.

This isn't our fault. We did not cause COVID and we can't solve it. 

There is the political hate that made me walk away from Facebook for a while.This country has decided its OK to be openly selfish and cruel, so calling someone a "Libtard" for wearing a mask in a state where it is mandated is fine. Writing "Open my gym faggot" on your truck window is perfectly acceptable during quarantine, because you have a homosexual Governor and you don't have access to email or a telephone to call and log your complaint. I suspect, dear, that you don't have a problem with your gym being closed, you have a problem with homosexuals. His sexuality has nothing to do with the closing of your gym, so why bring it up? Again, the governor did not cause COVID. He is doing his job and attempting to keep it from spreading. You're welcome.

Don't get me started on those who continue to gather and refuse to wear masks, or sending your kid to college on campus right now. I worry about all of this, and it makes me sick. Absolutely sick.See the previous paragraph "Not handling this well". This is how I'm handling it, by worrying myself sick and taking depression naps. I'd argue that is not handling it well.

You're welcome to support whomever you please politically, but you are not welcome to attack. I am so sorry you are in pain. I am too. None of our lives are going to be the same, and we're angry. And it's difficult to blame anyone, because as soon as you do it becomes political and other people yell at you. Stephen Sondheim wrote in Into the Woods "Of course all that matters is the blame, somebody to blame." Blame is irrelevant. Unless you've built a time machine during quarantine, and intend to return to stop this by identifying who is to blame, it's a waste of your time. It happened. We reacted. Here we are.

Now what?

You can't move forward if you're still screaming about something that's in the past. COVID is here. I know you're mad, so am I. But trashing friendships and alienating family members is not going to make this any better. Accept that you aren't handling it well, and move your focus to something you can control because you can't control this. OK?

And the next person who types that teachers are cowards or lazy will not impact me, because I'm not reading that crap.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Week One of Remote Learning In A Colorado School District

   I have to preface this by saying that I am not a successful remote teacher. I only cried once and that's because I thought my cat was dying. So, to be clear, I'm just tracking survival. Do not think this is a guide to doing this thing successfully. 

Monday Last day before kids. I've made friends with the new tech teacher who is from Columbine HS and is giving me major anxiety as she's clearly a real techie and I'm just Schleppy the Clown. I spent last week's district theatre teacher meeting in full panic as one of my colleagues has secured a ton of green screen and editing equipment and I can't even get a video from my phone to my email. If this is the future of theatre, I'm teaching a dead art form. 

My new colleague is wonderful, and I'm sure at some future date when I am not in survival mode she can help me live stream or something something from the stage because I am not playing the Brady Bunch scene work game, nor do I have green screen. Also, they're remote as well, so how is he using green screen? Now I'm even more confused and need yet another depression nap.

Tuesday First day live with kids. My class is from 7.30 am-10.30 am, so I got up at 6.45, laboring under the delusion that I could get morning chores in plus a nice walk or yoga time.  

I got my morning chores done.

I logged in at 7.15 saying the words "Don't forget to record, don't forget to record", and checking on the jamboards I had loaded.

By 8.45 the jamboards didn't work, only half of the class had shown up and the google doc I loaded didn't share. It's too early to start drinking and class isn't over, so I soldier on in google meet, waving my arms about the Greeks and forcing participation from these sleepy children, because the jamboard didn't work and I have no lesson plan without feedback from them. 

At 9 I realize I'm supposed to be recording. I click on the little snowman and there is no option to record. It was there yesterday,  but is gone today, just like the "make students a copy" button disappeared when I needed it.

Attendance is a different platform than classes, of course it is, so I have to toggle to IC to enter attendance. We are supposed to count them as present even if they log in for two seconds, but I didn't catch the name of the kid who did that, so I guess he's absent today.

There is a "Welcome" video from admin I am to show. I click on it, share my screen and the kids can't see it. We try again, and they can see it but they can't hear it. As 80% of  my lesson plans are dependent on video, I am a bit panicky. I make them watch it on their own and then return to class. This tech debacle took a good five minutes, and the video takes 23 minutes to watch. So score! It's almost 9.30! I make a note to call the building Google Queen and ask her why nothing works for me. 

I pull out my ghetto Greek slide show---it has been requested by admin in two separate buildings that I cease and desist using that term, but it's more descriptive than "crappy". Maybe it's a scrappy slide show, because I'm plucky. I dunno dude, it's a slide show. Nothing moves or swipes or blends, there is no virtual "classroom" or avator of me, it's google pics copied and pasted with my words flying about. I took a slide show class this summer and learned all of the moving and swiping and blending and even embedding video. I don't care enough. They're not going to like the Greeks more because my slide show was slick, and I don't want to take the time to change it, I've been using it for years. I have very important depression naps that need my attention, thank you.

Somehow, the Hamilton you tube clip works, and we can talk about economy of movement and focus. Because we're not in theatre and flat REFUSE to turn this into a film class, we're going to be expressive and specific and focused behind our laptops. I have discovered I'm very "Get Off My Lawn" on this subject. Hinkley has a film class. I teach theatre. They're still different even if we're in film's milieu, I don't have to give up.

Weds I decide to teach from my closed, dark theatre on campus. 

I haven't driven anywhere that required an arrival time in six months, and I miscalculate how long the commute is. Because everyone went back to work and I70 is once again a glorious shit show. But this time, nobody thinks they need to drive under 80 mph, and I'm almost run off the road twice. I'm doing 75, because I'm running late and the speed limit is 70, and five over is allowed. There are no police to be seen, which is why everyone has decided it's Mad Max on the freeway. I begin to worry it'll be like the LA freeway in the 80's and someone will open fire as they pass me.

On Chambers the light rail toggles descend, lights flashing, and I realize it's 7.20 and I'm five minutes from school.  Why is there even a light rail out here? I hate everybody.

I slalom through the COVID testing tents in our parking lot and jump out to make it to the theatre just in time to log on for class. I realize I didn't think it through, as I have a lap top and my intention was to give the kids a tour. See, I have a theatre tour on my phone that I took with my camera, but it's too long or big or whatever, so it won't transfer to my email so I can then transfer it to google classroom. I'm sure there's an easier path but I don't know what it is. Remember, I can't make a pear deck work. So I'm awkwardly swinging my lap top around the theatre, tilting it so the kids can see the stage and house as I repeat the parts of the stage. Since I'm not looking at my camera because I'm waving the thing around, I assume everyone has gone back to sleep. I start asking specific kids to repeat the part of the stage to me, and they slowly wake up.

Today I wave my arms about Shakespeare, show my "scrappy/plucky" slide show and again try the jamboard. Is it not working or are they not participating? I have an appointment after class with the building Google Goddess to figure out why there is no button that says "make a copy for students", and until I fix that, I have no way for kids to participate in the worksheets. I'll ask her about the jamboard, too. We have a standing appointment. I love her. So, I make them create a separate google doc and send it to me via email. I spent five minutes teaching a kid how to find a google doc. I spend five minutes walking a kid through google classroom to find yesterday's slide show. 

The Google Queen helped me after class yesterday, so I can now successfully turn all of my teaching worries over to You Tube. Crash Course is an online theatre teacher's dream. And I'm starting to realize, all that great support content-biographies, actor interviews--that I never had time to show are now open season. I never showed videos because kids were staring at me, jonesing to get on stage and DO. Now, they're at their kitchen table, or in their room and as we learned yesterday, getting them to DO when they are comfortably at home is going to be a challenge. They can't feel the energy of the space, the nerves of their fellow classmates, the cold air of the perpetually blasting A/C. I can cry about it or I can figure out a way to show videos that get them excited for when theatre does return.

Thursday I look at the mess on my dining room table and remember I was going to clean out the office downstairs and turn it into school. That's a great idea. I go out back onto the deck and log in. I hit "record" and break my arm patting myself on the back. I say "Don't forget PAA at 4" and write two sticky notes as reminders. My brain is mush. The google doc thing was apparently a glitch? It wasn't just ME! Many teachers were struggling with it, so I got that going for me. Also, she has no idea about jamboard and refers me to a lang arts teacher who is an expert. 

Today is their "What I Love" presentations. Aristotle's 6 are guiding this class since there isn't any acting that's going to happen, and we are focused on "diction" and "character". I have 17/23 kids logging on regularly after three days, and I'm taking it as a win that all 17 have written a two minute piece, some with props, about what they love.

We review Greeks and Elizabethan and I walk them through their asynchronous Friday. Which is of course Crash Courses with worksheets---cause the button came back so I could share--and a weekly quiz. The quiz includes a reflection so they can tell me how they're feeling, how their family is doing, etc. They are not required to write the  reflection. In fact, they can video tape their responses, or use flipgrid (which I totally don't get at all if you can upload video,whaddya need flipgrid for?) or a tik tok. One kid explodes "I'm doing a tik tok!" and I am not surprised, as he watches tik toks during our breaks. 

And I'm done with synchronous learning for the day. For the week! Immma stand up and get more coffee. I wander into the house, stare at the coffee. Then I decide I want a smoothie. I get the fruit out. then I have to go the bathroom. The kitten is thumping down the hall. I will follow her, I like to follow her. She jumps on Karen (who is an orange cat). I am delighted and wish I could be a cat. I then return to my computer, and start planning for next week.

Twenty minutes in, I realize I have no smoothie, no coffee and I Haven't seen Sock today. Sock is a cat. She usually comes up in the morning. I go in search of and locate her asleep on the footstool downstairs. She didn't eat, and it appears she's been throwing up.

This is ridiculously hard. Teaching is not easy in the first place, but scrambling to teach theatre online when all the "Interactive tech" you're given from google suite is really just stupid and not "Interactive" at all is ....exhausting.

And don't forget you have PAA at 4

****PAA at 4.30, I cannot put into words what frabjous joy I felt walking back into the church. Everyone is wearing masks, the kids are socially distanced, but they're there. They are present and flesh and blood, not a screen. And we can shout as loud as we wish because we're in a theatre, not at home. And we can roll around and stretch because we are in a theatre, not at home. I'm grateful they thought of me this fall, it's been 100 years since I've taught theatre live. 100. ONE HUNDRED. Don't argue with me.*******

Friday Faculty meeting, which is fine. I used to hate these things, but I appreciate them now. It's actual information about how to get through this, support and the constant "we'll get through this" mantra. There's more technology every day someone's excited about, but no pressure to use it if you don't want to. I don't want to. I'm good. Gimme google meet, google docs, you tube and a way to upload phone video and I'm solid. I'm a little worried about too much video, so after the meeting I look around You tube for tutorials instead of clips of shows, and find a college whose kids did isolation combat that's hilarious, they had to fight themselves. STEALING. Also found a young kid who does voiceovers, and keeps saying "I'm not good at explaining this" but he's demonstrating it beautifully. AWESOME.

I also received a note from my AP that I need to remember to take attendance, but I have been. To back myself up, I go into attendance and look up the kids: Yep, marked absent. She emails back that there seems to be a glitch in the matrix. Some kids are being marked absent for their am class and the system is also marking them absent for pm.

Sock did not get up or walk or eat. I called the vet, who can't see her, so I called his colleague.

I also emailed the parents of the 6 no shows all week, offering assistance if they are having trouble finding the google classroom. I got on google translate and wrote one in Spanish. I hope google translate is accurate, cause I have no idea. But I liked saying I was the "profesora". That was cool. Makes me sound like I have a PhD. 

I do not have a PhD.

This whole tech thing is going to get better when more districts are online. That's sarcasm.

I got on this morning to grade. 13 of the 17 who are showing up did the work.

I'm taking it as a win.

SATURDAY Sock jumped up, ran outside and is basically an ass hole.

How Corona Has Brought My Crazy To The Surface.

      Corona is not the only reason I have lost my cookies.

      I had a pretty emotionally rough few years. I was grasping for anything to hold on to that I could control. In the fall of 2018 I decided Keto was the thing I could control, and I lost 25 pounds. It was a great distraction and kept me focused, and I got to see real results. 

      Then on March 16, 2020,Polis closed restaurants and bars and spas and gyms and I was told I had an extended spring break, which I spent making sure I knew at least the basics of google classroom.I also decided that, because the grocery store was wiped out of anything I usually purchased and I was having minor panic attacks every time I entered, that purchasing the same type of muffin mix and making muffins daily was the best choice.

       Four months later and I've not only put back on the 25#, but an additional five pounds for good measure. None of my pants fit, which works out for teaching virtually this fall! I don't have to wear pants to work. Score.

        My house was too clean for months, and I got bored keeping it up, so I let it go to hell and slept a lot, just so I could wake up one day and believe I actually needed to clean my house.

         I did spent a chunk of June in google classroom classes, focusing like a cat stalking a rabbit. It was way more  intense than it should have been, and my fellow teachers and those leading the class were quite generous about how many times I emailed questions. I think I wrote a blog about it, but I can't remember now. But the fountain out here is pretty, I like it.

        The list of things I could or should be doing kept growing, and I would stare at them every morning over my coffee and choose which ones I would be ignoring today.

        Theatre is not what I do, it's who I am. What I realized this means is that if I don't have a deadline, I won't be doing anything, thanks. Harp and I created a few rituals around food--see above, who weighs 30 pounds more now?--I'd get up and make her breakfast, run errands sometimes, or drive to Evergreen for no reason. We drove through Tiny Town, Confier, Evergreen, St. Mary's Glacier. One day we went to Longmont, neither one of us knows why. Then I had a very strict 2pm nap time.I'd get up and stretch, maybe, or shower, possibly, and make sure I had not done the things I said I would not do on my list. At four, if I didn't know what I was making for dinner, I'd go to the store. I hate the store. I have come to loathe the grocery store. I switch between King Soopers and Safeway just to give myself something different to hate every day.  Safeway has those arrows bossing me up and down the aisle, whereas King Soopers only bosses me to wait six feet apart from people while in line.5pm is The Goldbergs and making dinner. Then the cocktail hour begins.

        Last week, I realized that I've spent so much time at the grocery store and in my house and not doing anything because there is no deadline, that I talk to myself whilst shopping. I wasn't aware is was doing it until another shopper stopped and stared at me. I think she thought I was talking to her, but I was not. I was chatting up the cheese. I like cheese a lot. Cheese is a good food group and we get along pretty well. I mean, unless you look at my butt, then you may think we do not get along, that cheese is attacking me out of hatred.I guess I figured if nobody can see my mouth 'cause of the mask, they also cannot hear me? Solid logic.

        I cannot remember a single name of any of my students from spring semester. If I am driving to some place that is not Evergreen or the grocery store, which is rare, I have to say it outloud at every stop sign or I'll end up at the store.

        I've also clearly stopped caring about tenses or verbage when I write. Time has no meaning, why should grammar?

       Some days I don't shower at all. There is not a point. I marvel at how neither Jim or Harp have told me I stink, and have decided that I do not. I am a neutral smelling entity with no brain left who has decided hummingbirds are spiritual and Harp's new kitten is someone we used to know, reincarnated.

      I wrote what I thought was an hilarious, racist review of Hamilton as I believe "Karen" would have responded to seeing the musical, but Jjim made me unpublish it because it was too mean. I thought it was hilarious. But again, I am clearly no longer sane, so I should not be trusted.

       I have no coherent blogs because all I can do is come up with a title, and then when I start writing, nothing makes any sense. and I now need a Facebook Anonymous group, because it's like watching a train wreck and I can't turn away. I'm rubbernecking on facebook.        Oh well. It's fine,I'm fine,stop looking at me.

      I'm fine.

The Quarantine Bouncing Ball

Here is how Jim and I spent weekends in quarantine. And a Few week nights.

At first, the game was simply to watch a movie with an actor from the previous movie-IE Dianne Wiest is in Birdcage, so we chose Parenthood next, because she's also in that movie. We figured we'd do it two or three times and that'd be it. How long could we be in quarantine?

The issue became how many choices an actor can afford, and the need to choose a film that can connect to another actor.

We also added the addendum that they must be films we own, but at one point discovered films we used to own have been loaned out, never to be seen again. So we did have to Netflix one or two. BUT it had to be a film, not a TV show and nothing on the internet. And something we owned at some point. 

Also, Jim decided somewhere that he opens his phone and reads all the movie trivia as we go along, which is an additional quirk to the game.

Then we decided, quarantine was ending, we should end this and start a new thread watching everything we thought of watching but didn't because it wouldn't connect. So we had to find a path back to the original movie, Birdcage, but not repeat any movies and choose a different actor.

We chose Robin Williams.

We started the  Bouncing Ball the weekend of 22 March, and today (20 June) we are on for watching the final movie of the game.

This is how we got there.The game invited a lot of spirited conversations,and Jim spent time at work trying to connect movies. We also deviated a time or two to honor an actor who passed, or to double down realizing we'd made a connection mistake, or just announcing "We're off the bouncing ball, we're watching this." But whatever we watched was always connected, somehow, and with Patrick Swayze it was just...hovering. He made a lot of cheesy movies, man.

What we discovered is that Jim has a lot of movies and I do not. And most of his have Tom Cruise or Bruce Willis in them. Mine have John Malkovich or Gary Oldman. His  movies connect more easily, but the actors double up and we got confused when we would try to choose the next movie while drinking. Which is a necessary element to the game as well: you must drink. We played a drinking game during Princess Bride with Harper and her friend and it was the best time we've had in a while.

All in all, to sum it, we had a great deal of fun. 


The Birdcage we started here. We took the less obvious choice of Dianne Wiest to continue. She is in Parenthood with Leaf (now Joaquin) Phoenix. Joaquin is in Signs with Abigail Breslin. She is in Little Miss Sunshine with Steve Carell. This caused a moment of consternation, as I wanted to watch The Office episodes, but Jim said "No TV shows". I also couldn't figure out what movie he'd been in that had anyone else in it besides "Sunshine", 40 Year Old Virgin wouldn't take us anywhere useful. So we watched Despicable Me and did the only conscious double down by then watching DM2 to get Benjamen Bratt in Despicable Me 2 . He's in  Miss Congeniality with Michael Caine, who then got us to Second Hand Lions, with Haley Joel Osment. We could have returned to M. Night Shyamalan with  The Sixth Sense but we'd recently watched it. So we pulled Forrest Gump, as HJO is Forrest's son. We have choices here too, but decided that if we chose Sally Field, we'd get to one of my all time fave comedies Soapdish. We'd recently watched Silverado after the death of Brian Dennehy and that's the natural Kevin Kline choice, so we veered to Whoopi Goldberg acquiescing that neither one of us wanted to watch Ghost, but it would get us to Patrick Swayze and more choices. One must keep one's eye on the bouncing ball. It needs to bounce. Besides, she's funny. If you just watch her play Oda Mae and ignore the constantly leaky eyed Demi Moore you can make it through. Patrick Swayze is of course in Roadhouse  which features Sam Elliot, and is also like Rocky Horror Picture Show for us; we know all the trivia and the lines and yell back at the screen. A Boon Time At The Martin Movie House.

We took a detour from here by watching a Patrick Swayze biography, and then The Outsiders, (which just made Jim start up with Tom Cruise again) but I said NOPE we're still bouncing, we gotta watch Sam Elliot in Tombstone -again, we had some choices here as we are Bill Paxton fans--but instead we went with Val Kilmer so Jim could watch Top Gun. I was hell bent on not going down a Tom Cruise rabbit hole, so we were struggling with the next actor. I had identified the only black pilot in the Top Gun program as the same guy who says "The quarterback is toast" in Die Hard, and figured we'd have to go there next- until the very end of the movie, when I started screaming "Hey, HEY that's Tim Robbins! He's Merlin!" Which meant we could return to an older fave of ours The Hudsucker Proxy. Because no, I'm not watching any baseball movies with Kevin Costner.

Many of our movie choices in this game, we discovered, would peter out if we did not plan carefully. Older movies or arty movies tend to have no actor connections, you have to use a director or a playwright. So when we chose "Hudsucker" and Paul Newman, we knew we only had one place to go that would keep the ball bouncing:The Sting, featuring Robert Shaw as Donnagan, and that got us to Jaws, where he plays Captain Quint. Again, in the name of not dead ending, we went with Richard Dreyfus as our next choice, who is in Red with Bruce Willis ,who is in Fifth Element with GARY OLDMAN FINALLY! Took long enough. So Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead with Gary Oldman and Tim Roth, so Jim can get to Pulp Fiction which was, I think, his agenda all along.Tim Roth is Pumpkin, the diner robber at the beginning and end of the film and an identification that made Jim,once again, tell me how unnerving it is that I can identify actors so easily. (Identifying Clarence Gilyard, Jr. in Top Gun was also pretty impressive). I wanted to use Steve Buscemi as our spin off ("I'm Buddy, I'll be your waiter") that'd get me Fargo, and a step closer to Three Billboards...and Sam Rockwell, but...then it'd end there, because we don't own any Woody Harrelson films. So, here we are in a Bruce Willis movie- at this point I'm beginning to think we only have Bruce Willis movies-so we choose Samuel L. Jackson who is in Unbreakable. Which counts as a double up--but doesn't mean anything, there are no prizes for a "double up"--since they were both in both movies, and we realized that this happens a lot,and is a possible future game, where you have to choose movies that double the same actors or actor/director. Which would land you in a weekend of Tarantino. Anyway... Robin Wright Penn is Bruce's wife and also in Princess Bride.  ( I know she's in Wonder Woman, and that would have gotten us to the new Star Trek movies,which Jim was ALSO angling for,but we don't own Wonder Woman.)We then chose Cary Elwes and Twister  and this was about the time we started thinking we needed to wrap up. Quarantine was being lifted and we the weather beckoned us to linger on our deck until 9pm. We decided we had to get back to the  movie Birdcage, but to Robin Williams this time. J. Without internet searching, I found a path that was  bit lengthy, but doable. Jim found the shortest path, one day at work, thankfully, as I knew if we took too much longer I'd be watching Tom Cruise movies all summer. So we picked up Bill Paxton from Twister and went to Frailty, with Matthew McConaughey  who is in Dallas Buyer's Club. Jennifer Garner is the connection in that movie to Pearl Harbor, which we avoided watching for a week. Because we didn't want to. About half way through (approximately 3 hours) Jim said "We saw her in it, can we turn it off now?" I said "NO,if I can't count TV shows, we have to watch the entire movie." I'm also wondering why the hell he owns this movie, he clearly doesn't like it. I started yelling about Josh Hartnett and the Alan Rickman movie Blow Dry, but we aren't connecting anything any more, we're wrapping up. But I'd much rather watch Josh Hartnett In Blow Dry. Just sayin'.

We got Ben Affleck in Pearl Harbor and we have one more movie to finish the bouncing ball: Good Will Hunting.

With Robin Williams.

You're welcome.

The Latest Desperate Attempt To Entertain While The World Argues

     Today is Thursday. I have been in a Google Classroom classes for four days now.
     On Sunday, before class started, I emailed the teacher four times. Why? Because I received a notice that Google Classroom had been set up, but when I clicked in, no assignments were posted.
     Her email said "Assignment posted, please read by Monday."
     I can't read it if it isn't there.
     I clicked on again. And again.
     I began to suspect I had been pranked. She sent me a dummy GC.
     Then I began to talk to the screen, because that's what I do. When my light board went wonky, I began to bang on the keyboard and say "Fishy fishy fishy, wake up fishy". It's my go to.
     I heard Alan Rickman in my head, and did my best foghorn voice impression of him "Reveal your assignments." 
      Nothing happened. Nobody came. Just like my entire life this spring, an existential nightmare. Sigh.
      MONDAY
      Monday morning I got up bright and early, mostly because I was unsure of the class' start time. There were a slew of assignments posted.
      I stopped breathing.
      When I came to, I realized there was a note that said "Here is the link to class, see you at 1:30"
      I planning my entire day around the meeting time. I made a desk on my bed, made sure my "background" was interesting, put in earrings,and clicked on at 1.20.
      There were four other people in the group, sitting around waiting. 
      At 1.35, when an instructor did not show up, someone with the instructor's cell number called and asked what was up.
      The link was for the 2.30 section, which we are in. Not 1.30.
      I looked back into the stream and yep, there is it: 2.30.
      I was off to a great start
      So I get on the video chat at the right time. Immediately I am sorry I signed up for this class. This is not going to teach me how to use the technology, it's going to make me use the technology to create community online, like I do in the classroom.
      Well, this will be an exercise in futility.
      I had to download "Nod" so I can non verbally give a thumbs up during class. I'm on video, I have thumbs that work, but whatever. They are culturally sensitive in color, I can change the skin tone. They don't have purple so I leave it. We must all demonstrate our use of the thumbs up. In the chat box I am relieved to see teachers who did not upload it, or just uploaded it and/or cannot make it work. Thank God. I am not alone.
      They put us into chat rooms. My name was not listed, so I had to just click on a camera and hope. But the one I clicked on wasn't the link itself, I guess, it was just a picture of it. A dear teacher who was also left behind after the drop helped me find the right link. I love her, she is my new best friend.
      So I drop into the room and they make me say words. I manage "Kristen Martin, theatre, HInkley" before then turning off my mike and almost bursting into tears. I am so far out of my comfort zone I can't even see it from here.
      They want to know how spring online went for me?
      I fumbled my mike back on and said "Horrible. This sucks. I have no idea how to do anything but google video chat, and that should be fine."
     Turns out everyone in education knows how to teach theatre online so I then listened to a barrage of suggestions, none of which are valid in building actors, building ensemble, creating theatre or building a department, and all of which I thought of already but hey, they're nice people and they're trying. They may be able to tell I could cry at any moment.
      I was nice and smiled and my dead shark eyes could not be seen through the video. 
     Then the class itself was over, and I sat and stared at the screen. I am clearly in over my head.
     I got on the first assignment and tried to find the chapter. I am to download a copy of a note catcher that I then turn in with every chapter.
     I can download. That's OK.
     It's a PDF. Downloaded. Go.
     I'm supposed to be able to write on it...um....click click...fishy fishy fishy...no go.
     I download it again.
     Nothing.
     I email the teacher. I am to download it as a copy, then it can be edited.
     Great. Can you tell me how to do that, please?
    Yes, yes she can. She is patient and already knows me from Sunday's exchanges. She was not in my chat group, so she does not know that I'm going to cry. Everyone in that chat knows I'm going to cry.
    There is a book we're supposed to be reading but nobody has a copy. So they are going to download the chapters. I am to read three of them and do things, then read two others and choose one of them to present on Friday.
     I can't find the chapters at all. Any of them.
     Email.
     Find the chapter. I have to read it, write a thing in the thing and then turn it in. I barely got the thing to copy so I can write on it, how do I turn it in?
      Email.
      Sit and cry for five minutes, total. That's all I allow. Fuck this. I don't need the hours (I do) or the information (I do), drop the class. Harper says "drop the class".
     I will not. Even if I don't get all the tech stuff in on time, I will not let this be what keeps me from being able to teach online. Or even make me cry.

     TUESDAY
     Class is synchronos and asynchronus, so no class Tuesday, just assignments and "office hours" on the link. 
      Trying to get on to read the chapter but there's no chapter, it's called Thinglink and it doesn't work. It shows the diagram and there is a yellow house and red arrows and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do...
      Office hours! "Hi, it's me, the hell with this?"
      "Share your screen with me, it's easier to do it that way."
      Huh?
      "Click the thing, then click the picture and there you are. Now go to classroom...click the thing, there you go..."
      Explained. Got it. Wait, don't got it.
      Office hours "It's me again, we're gonna be best friends."
      "Maybe we should write more details in the stream to help, you won't be the only one confused, Kristen, I promise."
      Happy to help.
      And why are they so nice? Who are these people?
      Next thing, ed puzzle? Won't load. Can't concentrate, then I have to answer questions about what I'm watching but I have no idea what I'm watching because I'm freaking out about not understanding how this works so I can get credit.
       Cried.
       Watch video, do the ed puzzle. Easy to turn in because it's right there on GC, so no weirdness. Or I'm just getting better at this nonsense.
       How do I jumbo board, jamboard, jambalaya? Get a sticky note from where? Why won't it work? How come it's so small? How do I move it? Why does this matter? 

     WEDS
      The fuck is flip grid? Why would I ever use this? Why would a kid video tape themselves doing a monologue when we could just do it in google chat during class time? 
      OK, tutorial. Done.
      Now make a flip grid video for class expectations.
      Email for clarification of what I am doing . Make 3 different things (flip grid, slides, mudmap, jambalaya) for three different online assignments you'll do in the fall.
       Cried. I have no idea what I'm doing in the fall, let alone how any of it will work online. I should go back to the chat room so everyone can repeat the ideas I've already had.
       Email. Can I just do three versions of my classroom expectations? Thank you. You're my favorite. 
       Decide to do flip grid, fuck this nonsense.
      Two takes, done. I am in theatre, after all, cameras don't scare me.
      Now "turn it in".
      Crying ensues....where...what? I'm on a different site entirely how am I to turn in something I can't copy and paste? FIshy fishy fishy...
       Email.
       Hi, it's me, shocker. How do I do the thing? 
       They get in to help and email me back "You did it, it's there. Congrats! I'm so glad to see you pushing through all of this, you're a rock star, Kristen."
        Whatever. You're a teacher, I see you. I know your support is not real. 
        And thank you.

       THURSDAY
       I panicked in May and signed up for every Professional Development section offered, since I have not a single clue how to do any of this. Also, I need 90 hours by next June for my license renewal. Last Friday I was suddenly unwaitlisted and am now in Google Slides today at noon at Google Forms tomorrow at 8 am. I also have to create whatever-the-hell-immma do for my presentation on Friday on my "choice chapter", which I had to read three times, because I was worried about the tech I need.
     So I exchanged emails with my new best friends, the three teachers manning this course, and created a google slide show, thank god they allowed it. I had stopped breathing wondering how in the actual hell I was going to use any other technology with any depth of understanding. I learned enough to turn in the thing: scene. The google slide class helped me spruce up my sad text heavy slides, 'cause that's all I know how to do. So that was good. I didn't cry. You can add video to google slides...I don't know how, but I learned that it can be done, which is cool, I've got that going for me.
      By 2 pm I had spent 6 hours on my laptop doing google crap.
      I needed a cigarette. I've started smoking. I may have neglected to mention that. On Monday and Tuesday, after crying, I had a cigarette. Then another after going back in and wrestling The Next Google Thing, or reading the chapter yet another time, because I forget what I've read in the time it takes me to wrestle Whatever The Hell to turn it in and prove I read the chapter. I don't find this to be very "blended". I guess it is if you know the tech stuff, but it's more of a disruption than anything. Which I duly noted in my final reflection notecatcher and turned in with my slides because now I'm done with it.
      Until tomorrow at 2.30 when I will be forced into another small group chat room that I will likely not be able to access, and share my google slides which I also suspect won't work. But I did learn how to share my screen in all this. 
       So in conclusion all in all to sum up, I did the things.I have no idea how many of these things I can use for actual class, but I am aware of their existence and can proudly say "I am not Google Classroom's bitch."
      Go me.

That Time kryssi Had No Choice But To Use Technology

   In this "NEW ENVIRONMENT", "NEW NORMAL"--- Immma punch the next person who says that, or "In these uncertain times." Shut Up. UGH.

   In this Time of School Closures, I was forced to face my worst fear: technology.
   You can ask anyone from the ESC in Littleton, or if you followed my blogs the last few years, or if you worked in the classroom next to me, or if you had to deal with getting my kids through their MAP tests: You Know.
    I am uniquely stunted in this field.
    Genoa once said that I needed to evolve with technology or become extinct. It stung me deeply, but she's not wrong. In theatre I can do The Things that are required-except to run any sort of projection hooked up to a computer... or sound hooked up to a computer. If you add a laptop to the sound board I'm lost. And what the hell is with projections in a theatre, anyway? It was fine where I was: I made a google website for the department, and when I was moved to lang arts, I had people who were understanding help me through MAP tests, and flew my world famous "Ghetto Slide Shows" for instruction.
    Then I switched buildings.
     And the new building functions fully on classroom technology. "One to one". In the classroom every kid has a chrome and every teacher is expected to use google classroom. That's what "one to one" means, apparently.
     I had no idea how to use google classroom. None.
     I tried the first month, and realized I had no idea how to navigate it. The sub had set up the classes and was quite spiffy at it. I watched her do it and figured I could, too. 
     Nope.
     So I stopped.
     And Then They Closed School and said, without any warning, "Go Online. Do The Google."
     Well....shit....shitty shit shit.
     Tech gives me serious anxiety. I stop breathing if I can't get what I need. At IB training in Florida, I couldn't get on my email when I first checked into the hotel and I stayed up all night, panicking, sure someone was going to break in and steal my kidney. I somehow related these things in my extreme trepidation. I panicked the one time I took a google class at LHS and learned nothing, I just quietly sat behind my laptop and focused on my breathing. Though I did manage to take a picture of myself that stayed on my laptop until I left because I wasn't even sure where it was--I could see it, but I didn't know why-- let alone how to delete it.
      In addition to the mechanics, my eyes are pretty crappy and I've hit "Publish" instead of "Save", quite famously. But that's an old story.
     In order for me to function with technology, I need complete focus. I must be in a sealed room, no sound or distractions. No cats. No dogs. I have my water bottle, comfy pants and the room is soundproofed, so nobody comes running when I begin to scream. My children-or husband, if anyone is home--are outside, redirecting traffic. St. Anthony's Hospital has been notified the Flight For Life's flight pattern must be adjusted so it does not include my house. It's that bad. I wish I were kidding.
     I am an audio learner first, kinestetic second. Meaning I can't learn online, so why would I teach online?
     Because I have to.
     So I sat at my dining room table, talking to myself (audio learner) for a few hours, with my colleague on the phone (again with audio learning), and managed the bare minimum. I got classes set up. PHEW.
      That was only the beginning. We were supposed to be video chatting with our classes? WHAT? Does my lap top even have a camera? Google hangout? Google chat?  Goodle meet? What is the difference? I began the slow process, and managed to get a text stream in google chat with my students.
      Who immediately wanted to video chat, cause we were doing scene work and they wanted to perform.
      Shit.
      At first I would just call them during class time, because THAT I figured out. A student innocently asked me "Miss, why don't you just push the little camera button in the corner?"
      Blink. Blink.
      Then I learned other teachers had managed to create these invites with a time stamp, so kids could just click on the invite.
       I tried it twice with Theaco, both times the invite had expired? I still have no idea how that works. It's like the microwave. Mysterious magic from Satan.
       THANK GOD the district decided to just drop links into each google classroom for the kids. They could only get on if I was on,which I guess is important to avoid them google chatting unsupervised with one another during a plague, because they don't have phones? Anyway,it worked. I am hoping that the link will remain for the fall, otherwise....well, I'm not video chatting anyone.
       The week we were back after extended spring break, there was a weekly faculty meeting. The email said follow the link in your calendar.
       I have a calendar?
       The second week I found the meeting.
       And so, by and by, all in all, to sum up, I adapted to what I am able to do. I still have no idea how to find late work submitted in GC, or how to set a timer so the assignment can be posted weeks before it is to be revealed. My neighbor tells me that's a thing. I have two teacher neighbors from another district, we've been meeting in the street in the evenings. Well, one goes for a walk and passes by our houses while the other is gardening, and I lurch out of my front door at them holding my beer. "Meet" qualifies."Hang out"? "Chat"? Semantics.
       As all of this is unfolding, I realize I have to renew my license by next June. I have done nothing toward that end, long story, so now I need 90 hours in a year to get my renewal. APS is this amazing district that offers professional development classes by the boatload. In addition, I am contractually obligated to take a CLDE class,which will count toward my renewal. Usually these classes are both live and online, but now...everything is online.
       The first class I signed up for sent me a UPC code thing for entrance. I texted Eric immediately because why wouldn't I, and even he was vexed. I don't even know how the platform Performance Matters works, and the lovely professional development support person has been very patient with me. But I panicked over this class and ended up not taking it. Which was stupid, as it was a THEATRE class, dumb ass.
       So I joined a Theatre Teacher Academy group online because those classes are video tapes that I can watch whenever, and get credit, and get ideas for class. But they aren't going to net me the 90 hours I need.
        Determined to be Nobody's Bitch, I signed up for a Neurobiological Education Something Something class. It was a Zoom class.I had to click onto the invite, which they sent to me in a place I could locate: my email. Feeling sassy after being able to get into this class, I tried another one.Once I signed up, the GC for this class began to be flooded with assignments, and flip grids and kamis and I was like...ummmm....I have no idea how to do any of this, sorry. I tired to download kami to my laptop, and my laptop crashed.
        Of course it did.
        I have been employed by APS for four months and this is my third laptop.
        I warned the tech guy when they hired me. He didn't believe me.
        He believes me now.
        Since we are likely going to be online in some capacity in the fall, I have to get this shit under control. The district, again, being amazing, has created a ton of online google classroom classes for all levels that we can take AND get credit for. I signed up, and they sent me a UPC code. But instead of panicking, I have since learned how to navigate Performance Matters, and I was able to find the link to GC directly. HA.One of the teachers said there is an assignment due and posted in GC. I got onto GC, but it's not there. 
        Of course it isn't. 
        I have already emailed and bothered one of the teachers to ask where the assignment is located. My exposition in my intro email query included that I was World Famous in LPS for my ineptitude. I am quickly gaining the same reputation here.
        Class starts on Monday.